Please please please help! Pregnant & suicidal over debts, redundancy & illness

clang_uk

I really feel for you, you must be feeling really down, being pregnant isn't easy at the best of time, and the last thing you need is money worries. Don't let it get to you, do tell your partner - he is supposed to be there to support you through the bad times as well as the good. He may have his own issues with money but at least he's a shoulder to cry on.

If you really don't feel up to telling him, then do call someone who can listen and appreciate your problems.

I hope you can get through this quickly and enjoy your time being pregnant.

cattyboo

Hi Vicxzy,

Your boss sounds like a nightmare! If my boss decided to drop by like that I'd be in a right flap :eek: it's bad enough seeing her at work! Hope she doesn't try anything stupid, she really is on very shaky ground professionally by coming at all (unless it's out of concern to see if you're OK...but that may be foolishly optimistic given your description!) so if she tries anything then you definitely have the upper hand, just stay calm, take deep breaths and remember there's lots of people on here ready to tear her to shreds if she does anything mean

Other than the panic attack inducing phone calls and impromptu visits from the boss, how are you feeling today? Reckon you're up to ringing the samaritans/CAB/doctors or having a heart to heart with Mr Vicxzy? If not don't worry, you'll get there and a nice cup of tea will do for now :coffee:

Let us know how you're getting on, we're all thinking of you, stay positive hun

C xx

Katie-Kat-Kins

Can't believe your boss is being like that. If I were you I would meet her at the door and ask what it was she needed without letting her in. I would also try to have someone there with you as a witness to what she says and does, maybe your partner.

Do speak to ACAS when you get a minute they are very good.

If you boss says that she would like to talk to you or does anything other than picking up whatever it is, I would say you would like to make a formal appointment when you can arrange to have a representative present and that you would like HR to sit in.

vicxzy

Well shes been & gone phew! She stopped about 45 mins
pretending to be concerned etc but I knew she'd just come to have a look whether I was really poorly or not! Do multiple hospitalisations & Doctors notes declaring you unfit for work not count nowadays?
Anyway she was basically horrible to me & all but told me that the minute I set foot back in work Ill be put on a disciplinary for keeping my work equipment at home in the last 3 weeks that I've been off work!!! We are allowed to keep it here overnight but It was only still here cause I ended up being rushed into hosp by ambulance before I could go to work the next morning & therefore couldnt take it back to work & totally forgot it was even here! I have had other things on my mind :mad:
Sadly I have to go back to work in around 10 days even though Im still too poorly as they will stop paying me
All your amazing advice has made me certain that I need to tell my partner about everything, I'm going to tell him tonight, Ive been able to hide a lot of the calls as he works long hours but Barclays ringing 3 times in 1 minute are starting to make him suspicious now
xxxxxxx

dancingfairy

She sounds like a right nightmare :eek::eek:. Don't listen to her about rubbish about keeping equipment at home - like you said being rushed to hospital in an ambulance means you had other things on your mind.
I guess you haven't got around to sending the letters to them telling them to stop calling you but 3 times in a minute is outrageous :mad::mad:.
To be honest you don't need to tell your partner everything to start with if you don't want to - telling him your ex is being a pain and you've been lumbered with debts by your ex is sufficient reason in my books -see hoe he reacts - obviously if he is really supportive then you can tell him everything.

I think you need a cuppa :coffee: - I'm afraid there isn't a sign for biscuits I don't think but have one of those too if you have any in your cupboard.

Don't forget there is loads of help out there (FREE) and on here for dealing with debts so you are certainly not alone and I am 100% sure there is a solution for you. I've been a member for a number of years and I have yet to see someone who hasn't been helped (apart from the very small handful of people who refuse to believe they have a problem).
df

cattyboo

Wow, what an unreasonable boss! If whatever it was you couldn't return yourself was that important you'd think she could have arranged to get it back a bit sooner...sigh. Some people are just like that I guess :wall:. At least she's out of your hair now, make sure she's out of your head too, not worth wasting time thinking about if you ask me. Also, Barclays...3 calls in one minute?! :mad: That would drive anyone crazy. These people really need to learn to lay off.

Well done you for deciding to tell your OH :T I'm sure I wont be alone in wishing you well with it all and sending you lots of positive vibes, give the old posts from yesterday a read through if you need some extra gumption, you've nothing to be ashamed of and none of this is of your making, and like df said everything can be sorted, no matter how enormous and scary and oppressive it seems now, it can be sorted, and in time it will be. You'll get through this in the end, just take it one step at a time (Rome wasn't built in a day and all).

Look after yourself and your little family :heart2: sending you hugs xxx

vicxzy

I dont see how she can put me on a disciplinary for that? To make it worse only I or somebody from work is allowed to transport the equipment so even if I had thought on to return it I couldnt have got it there! She says while its ok to keep it here over say a weekend its not ok to keep it for 3 weeks whats the difference?, I think shes trying to stitch me up as she wants rid so they dont have to pay redundancy and/or maternity. I joined the union in Dec but just called them & they say they wont give me advice til after my qualifying period ends in MARCH!
Am going to speak to OH when hes in from work wish me luck x

SeriouslySeekingtoSave

Hi just reading your thread and feeling very angry on your behalf! I'm not going to comment any further on your financial situation but regarding your bosses behaviour... She sounds like a complete bully and I really hate people like that. Unfortunately for her there is a little thing called the law which governs what a workplace can and can't do. You may find this link helpful:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/ResolvingWorkplaceDisputes/Disciplinaryprocedures/DG_10028111

The link to the Acas code of practice is the most important thing. There is a lot of information there but basically it boils down to you having the right to make your case and to have a representive with you if appropriate. If they have an issue with you then you should receive it writing and you have the opportunity to respond in writing to this.

In a formal grievance over misconduct then your employer is meant to have raised the issue with you and given you the opportunity to make it right ie they should have contacted you with the imformation that you needed to return the work gear. Although you say this was accepted work practice to have someone off sick and then give a formal disiplinary because they didn't return equipment when they were off is so paper thin I couldn't imagine it would stand up at all if it was legally challenged. Although a legal battle with your company is the last thing you need right now. Hopefully just reading through it and knowing your rights will stop your boss thinking she can just steamroll you.

Good luck and chin up lady :happylove

vicxzy

I think Barclays is a dialler & It just calls & calls & calls x

dancingfairy

Can I say you've made amazing progress since yesterday - you're still coherent despite everything. You've managed to deal with what sounds like a complete nightmare boss and you've decided to tell your OH about your debts - you even sound more positive already.
df