Please please please help! Pregnant & suicidal over debts, redundancy & illness

dancingfairy

With regards to the ex - do not pay any undue attention to him - you need to cool-headedly look at the situation - what is the house worth? realistically? you need to sort your finances out and try not to worry about him - if you don't agree then don't agree. Get advice if needs be but don't feel you have to just go along with whatever he wants - he has lost all respect by cheating on you.
Try also not to worry about the money side of things when on maternity leave - easier said than done but you may be entitled to extra benefits etc - one thing at a time.
df

redpete

vicxzy wrote: »

My Ex Husb is being a swine too, demanding I agree to dropping the price of the house, its already on for 45k less than the valuation, if we sell for any less it wont even cover the mortgage repayment never mind the estate agents fees & solicitors costs! x

Unfortunately if you've got no interest from buyers now then it is not worth what you are asking (assuming that the Estate Agent is not hiding it away somehow. Have you tried renting it it, would this cover your monthly mortgage costs?

rennes123

Hi,we were in the same position as you,I felt life was not worth living,and wanted to give up,but,with the help of doctors,cccs,and the fantastic people on here,we are now getting it together. I found just browsing throu different stories made me realise,i was by not far rhe only one. I know with being pregnant makes it worse,but as the guys here have been saying,go to the doctors,you may be surprised,I was! secondly give cccs a call,they really turned things around for us,told us our rights,and what we can do. They negotiate with your creditors,a payment suitable for you. I still get phone calls,but tbh they dont bother me now,its all hot air! go to letter templates for creditors martin lewis,they have a whole page of letters you can write.
Please do not dispear,you have come to the right place,and you are not alone x

vicxzy

Hi DF the threats go something along the lines of:

We are presently undertaking checksand validations to expedite legal proceedings. These checks will be focused on property ownership, through the land registry office & validation of employment details???

I dont even have a clue what that means.

Red Pete it was valued by 4 different agents between 200-205k & its been on since Sept at 160k, I paid £189,950 for it 8 nearly 9 years ago & owe 157k on the mortgage so the mortgage company will not let me rent it as they say the equiry has to be more than 30%
x

RAS

vicxzy wrote: »

Hi DF the threats go something along the lines of:

We are presently undertaking checksand validations to expedite legal proceedings. These checks will be focused on property ownership, through the land registry office & validation of employment details???
x

It means they want to go for CCJs and then charging orders to secure your debts against the house. if it is jointly owned, they may have trouble getting the COs to stick, but really this means that you need to proactively sort out the sale of that property quickly.

Who is living there at the moment?

cattyboo

I can completely understand why you feel you should to hide all this from the OH but (ignore this if you want, it's your decision after all) if I were you I'd open up and tell him the truth. Hiding the situation from him is just one more ball in the air you don't need. I mean, if you're getting over 100 calls a day and telling him they're 'sales calls'...how long is he going to believe that? That's an awful lot of sales calls! By telling him what the real deal is with your finances it's not like you're expecting him to help out with money, all you could expect him to do is to listen, understand and be someone to lean on and share your worries with. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. There's nothing for him to get cross with you about, it not even like any of this is remotely your fault in any case so there's nothing to be ashamed of. Also, if you're getting depressed and stressed out and tearful a lot of the time (which is perfectly understandable given the situation) then it may help him to know what's up. Somewhere down the line he'd probably find out eventually on his own by putting the puzzle together, maybe coming clean and at least having a chance of a bit of support from the OH when you need it most would be better for you?

It doesn't look to me like you've done any thing at all to create this situation, it's not your fault you were made redundant, it's not you're fault your ex-husband needs a testicle lobotomy, it's not your fault your current boss is behaving the way he is, or that your current job may not be very secure, or that the house is taking ages to sell, these are just things that life has thrown in your direction, you haven't created any of it so don't feel you have to beat yourself up and make it tougher to get through this difficult time by trying to deal with everything on your own- no man (or woman!) is an island.

Lots of people get themselves into pickles by borrowing to get out of debt (a quick scout round the threads here will confirm this!), you're not the first to have done it and certainly wont be the last (especially if those horrible quick gazillion % payday loan adverts on the TV are allowed to keep running, they're just glorified loan sharks! :mad:...but I digress...).

Love dancingfairy's idea of putting your feet up tonight, you've earned it! It's a massive achievement to have come on here today and opened yourself up to all the support and advice that's available to you, you should be proud of yourself :T things can only get better.

C xx

dollybeads

vicxzy wrote: »

Thank you can I still use this letter if I do not answer the calls?x

Hi, yes you can, hence why you are not answering them.

As others have said, if when you feel brave enough make an appointment to see a CAB advisor, they can help you so much and especially dealing with the harassment from creditors. They can work with you to set realistic amounts and can deal with them directly on your behalf.

I work for GPs as a practice manager, and i would strongly urge you to make an appointment when you feel up to it with one of the doctors who you know and feel at ease with. Even if you do not choose the route of medication, there is a wealth of support from, counselling, to online treatment options, which can work wonders. No one will make decisions for you they will go with what you feel is right.

The most important thing is you and your little family (including your doggie). This will all get sorted out, and it really isn't worth putting your and your baby's health in jeopardy for the sake of money no matter how much it is. You are irreplaceable as is you little baby. Do try and get some TLC from somewhere, a good friend you trust or the samaritans, i was also a volunteer after suffering for many years with depression and a very controlling partner. The too are miracle workers. And you will be inundated with support and practical help on here from all the lovely people on this site. It is very moving indeed and i hope that it will reinvigorate your belief in humankind.
Be good to yourself, and take it bit by bit, keep posting on here and i look forward to hearing how you get on.

Sending you and your little family a big hug

wookiebob

Hi vicxzy,
just wanted to send you a hug and say you are doing the right thing by posting up. The people here are amazing and so supportive. Take care of yourself, baby and the dog. THe advice by everyone to speak to your GP or Samaratins is excellent, also I think it will be important for you to speak to your OH and let him know what is going on, he may not be able to help financially, but just by sharing it, you may find things don't feel so bad.
Sending you hugs, hope you manage to have a chill out night tonight and please remember, you're not alone, there is always someone you can talk to. xx

AnnaV

Hello,

The advice everyone has given is pretty darn good and I can't add anything but to say it will get better - there are so many debt 'success' stories on here that show there is a life after debt!

I do agree about telling your OH, you are starting a life together and this is too big to hide from him forever. It will be difficult but you'll feel a million times better afterwards xx

B17c

Hi there,
i know exactly how it feels to want to end it all, i have only very recently contacted the CCCS about my debt problems and was beginning to think there was no way out, i'm single and have no doggie or baby to think about and my family and friends dont know the extent of my situation. My DMP is due to start on the 1st of Feb and theres a lot of work to be done before that,eg cancelling dd's, switching banks etc but i feel like i've finally got a handle on it.
This website and forum proved invaluable to me as a lot of people are in a similar situation and its helped me realise i'm not alone and ppl will help and give advice... call the CCCS again, i agree with sending that letter and getting a cheap PAYG mob/sim, the behaviour of these people is disgusting... harassing a pregnant lady for money she clearly hasn't got... you should write in to a magazine and expose them!
I also agree with telling your partner, i think you would feel so much better about it that you weren't keeping secrets and his support would help you no end. a problem shared and all that...
Big hugs to you and yours, there is always light at the end of the tunnel... xxxx