Teenager refusing school...Long Post :(

kazwookie

oh dear, what a sorry mess.

The 13 year old needs help, is it possible for the father to get her to school? if not why not?

MIL needs a few days away, either with you or another family member.

Your Hubby, needs to have words with his brother / gf and father at the very least, plus the 13 year old.

Personally I would suggest it is time they ALL got outside help, ie doctors /social services / education support or what ever.

Good luck

JasX

Upset wrote: »

Her daughter isn’t going to school

I'd try to get some iplayer/sky/youtube episodes along the lines of 'nastiest jobs in britain' preferable full of tattooed types who are overweight and the years have not been kind to.


Point out that she may not appreciate it yet but there is a point to school and if she doesn't play ball she WILL end up being a bin person or the like and wallowing in filth he whole life hoping for a lucky break into a dull dead end office job (the Tories are putting paid to benefit scroungers so that won't work if its her plan).

Perhaps show her a few episodes of something depicting successful types -Sex and the City perhaps and ask her to think hard about the kind of lifestyle she wants for the next 40-50 years....

In the grand scheme nobody really cares about academic performance / grades pre GCES (14-16) so she still has time to wipe the slate clean and not have a blemish on her record.... if she leaves it much longer she can start by cleaning the bins/toilets out around the house as a taste of what is to come.

(apologies to any bin people on here but they'd have probably appreciated some shock treatment at 13 with hindsight too :A)

Plans_all_plans

I get your point, but I wouldn't want a 13 yr old watching Sex and the City myself. Maybe show her a programme where there are surgeons/accountants etc, rather than women who sleep around (she might start getting ideas!)

Errata

Things sound pretty grim. TBH all you can do is ensure your MIL2B fully understands all the options available to her. Which one she chooses is pretty much up to her.

notechno

JasX wrote: »

I'd try to get some iplayer/sky/youtube episodes along the lines of 'nastiest jobs in britain' preferable full of tattooed types who are overweight and the years have not been kind to.


Point out that she may not appreciate it yet but there is a point to school and if she doesn't play ball she WILL end up being a bin person or the like and wallowing in filth he whole life hoping for a lucky break into a dull dead end office job (the Tories are putting paid to benefit scroungers so that won't work if its her plan).

Perhaps show her a few episodes of something depicting successful types -Sex and the City perhaps and ask her to think hard about the kind of lifestyle she wants for the next 40-50 years....

In the grand scheme nobody really cares about academic performance / grades pre GCES (14-16) so she still has time to wipe the slate clean and not have a blemish on her record.... if she leaves it much longer she can start by cleaning the bins/toilets out around the house as a taste of what is to come.

(apologies to any bin people on here but they'd have probably appreciated some shock treatment at 13 with hindsight too :A)

As bin'persons' can earn £30k to £40k per annum, and don't exactly get dirty, your comment is insulting, crass and meaningless

pupsicola

I dont agree with how the 13 year old is behaving, but you do learn what you live. If she sees so much aggression and abusive behaviour every day it becomes 2nd nature. I think it would do both your mil2b and her daughter alot of good to get away from their home. With alot of help, guidance and support it is not too late to turn the girl around. I have a colleague whos' child was a school refuser. I can ask her tomorrow what measures were introduced to guide them. Her son has gone on to further education and hopes to go to uni in September, so whatever was introduced worked.

The dad is a grown man and if he wants to live like that so be it. The son is an adult and what he does with his own life and his girlfriend is ultimately up to him.

I think you are brave marrying into such a family. Would have sent me running for the hills. Your oh must be very special.

meritaten

What an appalling situation...............difficult to say how to help without your MILs co-operation though. she sounds such a sad downtrodden woman. and for those who think she should just have up and left - I bet there are many women on here who have been in exactly the same boat and it took something drastic to turn them around. for these women the fact that every day is the same and they are still alive is about the best they think they can hope for!
you say she is seeing the doctor with you tonight - please let us know how you got on. I do hope he/she is sympathetic to her plight. even if it means they take a hard line with her - Tough love may be called for here.

lynzpower

2 words- child protection.

For a 13 year old to be raised to beat her own mother up is nothing but emotional abuse of this child.

m surprised that she has not been accomodated, she sounds to me like many of the very vulnerable ( and latterly exploited young women that I used to work with, you do not want her to go there) drug abuse, domestic violence, groomed for prostitution. this 13 yo has a clear idea of what womanhood is all about. Words fail me they really do.

Call social services in the morning, you dont have to say who you are.

I hope this child ( and her mother) can be protected, but I suspect that they may need to be seperated for a while to achieve this.

pupsicola

I agree with lynzpower

meritaten

lynzpower? wouldnt this child have had a social worker involved as the mother (why just the mother?) has been fined so many times for the childs truancy? forgive me if I am being naive, but surely social services would have been called in for a report?