Teenager refusing school...Long Post :(

Upset

Afternoon all,

I normally use the forum under a different name, However, Since this is a personal subject, I feel the need to post under a new anon name.

I’m hoping someone can give me advice on helping my soon to be mother in law - I think she isn’t coping and without intervention she is either heading for a breakdown or “leaving it all behind”

Here’s the story so far,

She has a 22 year old son, Who is lazy, violent, Abusive.

The son, Has his girlfriend living there, She’s lazy & bone idol.

My MIL husband is the father of her children, He again is a general bully! Its always someone else’s fault. In his eye’s.


Then there is a 13 year daughter - Who quite frankly a spoilt brat!

She has seen her mother being abused now for so long, She feels the need to join in, Belittle her mother daily, Beats her up, Ect.

The week before Christmas, The 13 year old, Decided she was “ILL” so she never needed to go to school, However, This has continued to the current date.

Her mum is trying everything, But for her troubles she gets beaten up and bullied at every avenue.

Her mum (My MIL) Has taken her to the doctors - They say she’s fit & well, She’s been taken to the school to try and work through any issues, The daughter promises a lot, But does very little.

My OH has tried everything, But nothing works, He is the only one who shows any kind of love & support towards his mum - Which makes the situation worse, As we’re told to stop getting involved.

However, Every morning since the week before Christmas, I have had my MIL calling me in floods of tears saying to me, She cant cope, She feels she has no where to turn, She’s clearly suffering with depression however her husband says she don’t need a gp.


Sorry for the long post, I hope I haven’t confused you whilst reading.

So anyway, We’re going around in circles, My MIL is suffering, Her daughter isn’t going to school & my partner is clearly distressed!

What can we do..?

Have you been through anything similar?

How did your get through it?

Any advice is much appreciated


Upset :mad:

jackieglasgow

I think it would be a god idea to take your MIL to the doctor yourself, the FIL2be doesn't need to know about it. It might also be helpful for her to contact Women's Aid for some help and advice. The local authority may take action soon if the child keeps truanting, which could end up in legal action against your MIL. If she wants to help her daughter - who is clearly deeply traumatised by her terrible upbringing - she needs to primarily help herself. Can your OH not stand up to his father, and help his mother get the help she needs?

abby1234519

Tell the mother to move out get rid of the abuse and enjoy her life! I know that doesn't sound very helpful, I had a mentally abusive ex and I left after our holiday in Austria (where I hurt my knee and he left me struggling through the snow to go have a beer). Basically its not fair for her to suffer that if she needn't?

Upset

Thanks for the advice.

My Oh has stood up to all of them so many times in the past, But its so difficult to help my MIL.

She has done everything for so long, She no longer lives for herself, She is just a zombie living each day making sure she doesn’t upset someone.

We have tried with doctors appointments, But she refuse’s to go.

But we are going there tonight, To try and sort something out.

So far, She had been fined 13 times, But her daughter doesn’t care.

Thanks once again for replying its means a lot.

Pee

Could you name one positive characteristic of either the other son, the father, the daughter or the son's girlfriend?

Upset

truthfully...No :mad:

Bloomin_Freezing2

Your poor MIL, what a horrid existance she's living at the mo. Good job you and your OH are about. Honestly, seeing as no one person under her roof has any respect for her, I think she'd be best removing herself from the environment. They're all getting her down so much, let them struggle along without her.

It's so unfair isn't it, that the parents are fined. We all know teenagers can be abusive to parents and its not always possible to physically carry them to school and keep them there. If the child has no respect for the parent, having the parent fined will make no difference to them.

Poor, poor woman.

cobbingstones

So sorry to hear what is going on. Can you ask her to approach the school and request a home school link worker? Their job is to help families any way they can so retainment is possible and the happier the family the better they behave in school etc.

Tulip09

Ask your MIL to come stay with you for a little while, remove her from the situation and give her time to evaluate herself and what she needs to do for herself & her family. She is in the wrong frame of mind to change the situation on her own now and needs help. I have been in a situation previously like that and the fines will keep coming until she starts to take action herself. What is the social workers saying? The police etc. I got more help from the police than i can ever thank them for (although i hated them at the time for arresting me etc they were only doing their jobs and there hands were tied) The social workers really didnt help at al, and nor did the childrens panel in my case and i really would not recommend relying on them for help. She needs to find herself & strength which really is not easy. My daughter ended up staying with a few relatives before i signed her into care for a year with the polices help and the one thing i realised out of everything that happened was i needed to be in control and more positive about myself in order for things to change to how i actually wanted them to be. Now she is back at home and a great person to know, the rest of the people who didn't have a positive influence on me and what i wanted are gone out of my life and still exactly the same people who they were to start off with.

tasha-debt

U agree, I would offer to have her stay with you for a few days, leave teh rest of them to fend for themselves. She will have time to think and relax a bit...... but if she won't go then im not sure what you can do...... could she call the police her self re her daughters abuse??

gairlochgal

I have a 13 yr old who has trouble maintaining her school attendance. In our case the school is now on side and supporting her but I can entirely understand how it upsets your MIL. My daughter will ultimately be ok but I feel like a real failure as a parent when she turns back and wastes another day.

I am doing secondary transfer with DD2 this year and one school we visited talked about how the head of year and the school police liaison officer turned up on the door steps of a few persistent non-attendees and scared the pants off them. I wonder if the school is able to think about anything like that. I got the standard "you are not sending your kid to school" letter last year and now make a real effort to tell them when she hasn't made it, so I'm ahead of their processes. This might be too much for MIL with all she has on her plate.