Teenager refusing school...Long Post :(

cattyboo

Didn't want to read and run, I'm so sorry to hear all of this Upset, it's dreadful. Bless you for your patience and perseverance, it's wonderful that you are able to be so compassionate with your partner's family, you've obviously a good match and a great team

My instant response would be to get the MIL2B out of there! Life is too short to endure such terrible abuse from the people who should be showing her nothing but love and sharing good times with instead of making every day a struggle for her. But...I understand it's so difficult to get her to agree to help herself, people in situations like that often feel very trapped even when people offer them ways out, it's so easy for us to sit here and say she should just leave. I hope with the right support and encouragement from your direction she'll see the light sooner rather than later, get the help she needs and get out of that house.

As for the 13yo girl, something fishy is definitely going on with all those texts/her facebook account. She's obviously had a less than ideal upbringing but it's never too late to change, she's still only young and there's a good life out there for her to be had yet.

rozmister wrote: »

I think the thing that makes young girls open up is feeling like you are relaxed with them and not pushing them.

Totally agree with this, when I was 13 I turned into an ice queen and pushed people away if they tried to pressure information out of me! Must have driven my parents round the twist at that age! (Teenagers prerogative! )

Anyway, if you provide a safe, stable environment and make it known that there's nothing she could own up to that would make you cross with her, you just want to know what's going on to help her get past it then she'll come round I'm sure.

You sound like such selfless caring people, the MIL2B is lucky to have you watching her back, I hope that everything gets better for her, the girl and for the two of you but just in case it doesn't (and I'm not saying it wont, it's just a worst case scenario 'just in case'!), the MIL2B digs her heels in and opts to stay in her unhappy life and the 13yo stamps her know it all teenage foot down and refuses to let you help then please don't blame yourselves, you've done an amazing job already, remember you two have a life to lead too.

C xx

Upset

Update:

Firstly i would like to say thank you to everyone who has given me advice & support! Its much needed right now your all :A:A:A

Ok, This morning, At 9:25, The daughter had clearly had enough of holding everything in, She just broke down telling me what's going on.

She is being bullied by a girl gang in her school.!
She felt she couldn't tell anyone because of the issue's going on at home.

She just broke down in tears, Then just grabbed hold of me giving me the tightest cuddle ever!

These girl's are also using cyber bullying, Last night i see a message from one of them in her inbox. **Facebook**
(Wrong i know, But i couldn't help but look)

This morning, We have written everything down, Because daughter said to me, She feels right now she can only handle saying this once! I have got all information for the school to act on, However, I cant see this going very far within the school policy on bullying.

The daughter has asked me, Not to say anything to her parents until she goes home on the weekend, She has asked me to sit down with them & her.

My OH is fuming. But isn't showing it to the daughter!

Spoke to MIL2B this morning whilst the daughter was out with another family member, I had to explain whats going on, As i know its was killing her not knowing.:o

mil2b has made a GP appointment, But the nearest one she could get is the 4th feb, However, She has also contacted her employer she is finally going back to work - She's going back part time.

(Hopefully it will make her feel a little better getting of that house for a few hours each day*)

So, Once again, Thank you everyone, I will update again shortly!

RAS

Hi

Well done so far.

Try and get daughter to agree to let you run off printout of the abusive comments on Facebook, otherwise the bullies may well alter them later. And see if you can download texts to a file to record the abuse.

All useful evidence.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Don't forget that teenage girls, particularly if they have witnessed sophisticated domestic abuse all their lives, can lie. Extremely well. so well that you are convinced they are the victim, when they have in fact been positively predatory.

Not saying this is the case, but it is very possible, especially if she needs to keep Daddy on side to avoid Mum's attempts to discipline her.

meritaten

sometimes we can be too cynical on here. the OP has corroboration of daughters story. so I would work with that. and with another posters suggestion of screen dumping because you can delete posts on facebook (I hate facebook - its meant to be all nice and warm and fuzzy and people use it to bully others).
as for Feb 4th for a medical appointment - sounds like my GPs surgery, you cant get an appointment for less than a fortnight then they wonder why people dont turn up! probably died in the meantime! I would ring them and say the matter is quite urgent and if they have a cancellation could MIL2B have it?
you are gettin there hun! I feel that soon you will have the full story.

jonty1970

The poor woman. I have been in a similar situation. My sons learnt from their father and have called me names in the past, but not now that I dumped their father and had to show them I meant business. Also my daughter hates me (thank God she is older and has now left home)

She needs help. Can you arrange a social worker for her? There is help out there, but she has to take the help. Her home life is making her ill and it won't get better on it's own. The school need to act about the daughter. You ring and tell them. The family might not like it, but you and your OH sound like the only ones who care.
Tell her she has nothing to be ashamed of and that she needs help

life_in_termoil

Ive been reading this post and can understand your concerns. With reference to the daughter please screen print all of the messages on facebook and inform the police then approach school and tell them you want a CAF assessment and meeting. (Common Assessment Framework) You can find out more about your local CAF by looking on your local Councils website.

Britwife

Wow, what a great breakthrough but sadly such a sad reason behind all this. You can see exactly where the daughter is coming from. You had reasons for suspecting it and you were right. I would keep fighting with the school until something is done. Policy or not, this should not be allowed to happen. Is there another school that she can go to?

As for facebook, she needs to just get rid of it. You can block people and that would be a good step for now. Ask her if she would like you to help do this and tell her that you're going to fight for her.

If worst comes to worst, can she attend another school? If needed? Education is so important. I'm so happy she has you and she was able to open up to you. Now you just need to get her to open up to her mom. She's going to need her and her mom really needs to be the one standing up for her at school. I feel that would really help their relationship seeing how her mom is there for her. They need each other.

God bless.