Parents pressuring me to take a loan out for them

Paulie'sGirl

Hi,

I couldn't read and run. Hugs!!

I would suggest that firstly you don't even consider your Dad's proposal.

But that's not to say you can't help him. You need to work through what his financial difficulties are and understand his position fully. What are his debts, his income, his fixed outgoings. How has he gotten himself into this position.

It may be possible to get a longer term loan at a much lower rate to consolidate, or re-mortgage. This is only worthwhile if he's not increasing his debt and has really taken hold of himself.

Ultimately, you're not responsible for your dad, difficult as it can be to accept this.

Hugs again!

PGxx

diable

I know its hard but as other poster have said "don't do it" it is sad though how low this country has fallen when it expects the children to help the parents who are still viable earners to survive. What have we become this Great Britain............... the first first world of the EEC?

MrsRogers

Hi OP

I totally agree with all the above... you can not risk your own financial security to assist your father.

However what you can do is be there as a support. You could recommend he get in touch with the CAB or CCC's

http://www.cccs.co.uk/ Consumer Credit Counselling Service. They are free and impartial

Good Luck

Mankysteve

Needhelpsaving wrote: »

My bro is 13, so a bit young for moving into his own place - lol.

My thinking is that I should take out a loan and get him to sign something to state how much he will pay and when; then frog march him to the GP.

No contracts between family members are valid in a court of law. The bit of paper you'll have is useless. Don't take out any loans in your name for him. PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS ADVICE.

Get your father to get in touch with the one of debt charities and get him to do a statement of affairs.

Messrs_Arthur_and_Terry

Needhelpsaving wrote: »

Hi,


..... I spoke to my OH and he has hit the roof, but what do I do?????

I bet he did.

Funny how people who never have any money, can always find enough for alcohol, fags, junk food, gambling, etc.

Can't be the proudest moment of a parent's life to beg from a daughter, moreso a son. Definitely not the easiest decision for you to make as a consequence.

4 x paydays is probably the best someone could save in a year, so it's unlikely he can repay even at zip interest, unless severe sacrifices are made. You dilemna is who is going to make that sacrifice.

d123

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Say NO. And if he threatens suicide, point out that it won't stop the companies pursuing the debts, but he would have dumped all of this on a 13 year old and you instead.

It's pointless lying in a case like this, especially to someone with MH issues. If they catch you out with a lie you would lose any trust there might be and any amicable resolution is gone.

Anything else the OP says after getting caught lying means her father would think everything she said was a lie.

Needhelpsaving

Basically, the house is in negative equity and not in a good way either (DIY wise). They agreed that they would let my mom and bro live there until he was 16 and then review the situation. They have got such bad credit ratings that they can't get anything - hence coming to me. I have a good credit rating; always pay it back on time and can get credit if I want.

I normally would be able to pay it back; but this year we hav taken 2 loans ourselves (both 0%) to get our kitchen sorted - that totals about £10k.

I have had a massive row with my OH this morning and have called my mom, so that we get everyone round to sort it out. Either way, I am not going to win with someone.

victor2

You cannot burden yourself financially with your dad's problems. Assuming he genuinely does have mental health issues, his finances are probably a main contributing factor. Ignore those ignorant posters who clearly don't understand what drives people to even consider self harm. As already suggested, take him to get financial advice and support him that way. Take him to see his GP regarding his health too. Let OH see you have to help, but are not going to jeopardise your own finances to do so.
Good luck.

donquine

If you pay off this loan for him, what's to stop him getting in the same mess again and then begging you for more money?

He needs to tackle why he ended up in this situation before you even consider giving him a penny to set against his debt. If he won't accept your help in sorting out his financial affairs, giving him money now is not going to solve anything. People who are good with money don't end up holding loans with 53% interest rates - no matter how desperate the circumstances, they find another way, whether it's temporarily taking out an overdraft with a low interest rate, selling old possessions on eBay, etc. He is not managing his money and that needs to be addressed.

Debt aside, does he have enough money coming in to cover the bills? If no, then his debt is only going to increase anyway. Does he work? Can he do paid overtime? Is he getting maintenance for this son? Is he claiming the correct benefits (assuming he is entitled to any)? It may be that he can't afford to stay in the house in which he is currently living and won't face up to that. Your parents might want your brother to stay in his family home to keep hold of some sort of familarity during a difficult time - but the simple truth is, this may not be affordable.

It would have been difficult to ask you for money (it always is hard when roles are reversed), but there is no shame in letting you help him look at the figures and try to balance the books. If the best option is bankruptcy, you giving him some money now would be daft anyway.

If you do decide to lend him money - be aware that you may not get any of it back. You will need to treat it as a gift. Can you and your OH afford that? If not, you can't help. If your mum's credit rating is ruined and so is your dad's - what good is wrecking yours too?

Offer your father practical help, but if you can't afford to give him financial help too, do not feel bad about it.

It's also worth bearing in mind that if you bail out your dad this one time, you don't just have to worry about him needing you to bail him out again; your mother might ask you for similar help in the future and you will feel even worse if you gave one of your parents a large sum of money and not the other.

gratefulforhelp_2

Put him in touch with one of the debt charities and DO NOT consider signing for this. Also give him the number for samaritans and check on him, often.

By signing for this loan, you are enabling him to carry on digging the hole for himself.