Parents pressuring me to take a loan out for them

paddy's_mum

I think you need to look more closely at how your husband is feeling in all this. In his shoes, I would be feeling very angry indeed that your Dad had asked you to meet him outside the home ... does this equal 'behind hubby's back' or 'let's keep this a little secret between ourselves?

I'd put money on it that your hubby is terrified that your natural wish to help your father might very well end up destroying your relationship. I'm not surprised that there was a massive row between the two of you this morning - who would be pleased to perceive that everything they hold dear is under very real threat?

balletshoes

Lots of really good advice for you on this thread OP. I totally agree with those who say that taking out a loan for your father is not going to help him at all - he needs to learn how to manage his money. Morally supporting him to do that will be the best gift you can give him.

Get yourself clued up on debt management solutions too - MSE has great boards for that - IVA/DMP and bankruptcy, plus the debt free wannabee board.

If his house is in negative equity and is likely to be so until your brother is 16, your Dad's house should not generally be a risk in that timescale if he decides (after taking proper debt management advice) to go down the DMP/IVA or even bankruptcy route.

Loopy_Girl

Would you be able to give him the money to pay the loans off (I have no idea how much they are of course)

It's not ideal, but no child wants to hear their parent say that they want to die and this would take the pressure off a little

Then he defo needs to get in touch with a debt charity.

It's the worst feeling in the world to have debt but there is help out there...and ultimately, if he doesn't have it then he can't give it can he?

Poor you OP - this must be swirling around your head

Take care

LilacPixie

really you dad needs professional help, bothfinancially and mentally.

SailorSam

No way should you stand guarantor for another loan.
All it means he'll breath a sigh of relief yo know he's out of debt, and he can continue with his same spending pattern.
He'll drag you down with him.

hoogervaaner

I would not sign. Please learn from my having given a family member £10,000 to 'start from fresh', they are now back in debt and asking to 'start from fresh again'. They would have been better off with councilling to get to the root of their compulsive spending and some decent advice on managing finances. I am not rich (live a simple life, 13 yr old car, old style tv) but didn't want to see them suffer/be hounded by bailiffs etc. More fool me.

belfastgirl23

I know your first urge is to 'help' your dad.

But think about it, is giving him money actually helping at all? If you have even a quick scan through the Debt Free Wannabe board here, you'll see how many people have tried to address their debt by doing this and have just gone on to get more and more into debt.

There is no quick fix here. Giving him money is not going to help him. In fact it will offer some short term relief but long term you're helping him to dig a bigger hole for himself.

You need to get him to a debt relief charity, CCCS being the best from what I understand, and help him to take responsiblity for his debt. Absolutely feed him and make sure he has adequate electric and gas credits etc if you can afford this. But by assuming debt on his behalf you are damaging yourself, damaging your relationship with your husband, and not actually helping your dad at all. This is about making you feel better (or less worried), not about helping him. I'm not blaming you for that at all, it's our instinct to help, but step back and ask what would really be helping.

As an aside, you need to apologise to your husband. He is worried about you both and about your future, and he's entitled to be.

*Robin*

Lots of good advice already.
First thing to do now is make contact with one of the debt-management organisations suggested above. Get an appointment for you and Dad.
Then think about making your DH a special dinner this evening; assure him that your family with him is the most important relationship you have and you hate that this problem of your Dad's has come between you both. Promise that you will not do anything 'behind his back' to help your Dad, especially not sign the guarantee your Dad asked for.

RAS

Please read this thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2077631 and put your father in touch with one of the debt charities listed.

get him and mum to open new basic bank accounts and come over to DFW and read saltnvinegars advice on payday loans.

The information your father has given you regarding IVAs is completely wrong. If the house in in negative equity, they would not lose it because there is no equity to release. More likely he does not have the £300 per month surplus income needed to pay an IVA.

He may actually be better off going BR; again with negative equity, he might well be able to keep the house, particulalry if your mother and brother is able to pay the mortgage.

This is a complex situation but you need the correct information before you make decisions.

jcr16

don't feel pressured into doing anything.

maybe go with citizens advice or something.