Parents pressuring me to take a loan out for them

zzzLazyDaisy

I haven't read all the posts so apologies if I have missed an update, or I am repeating what others have said.

But PLEASE do not act as guarantor for your Dad. Sadly, he has been unable to manage his money so far, so it is unlikely that he will suddenly start now. By acting as a guarantor you are agreeing to fund this loan at 53% interest.

Similarly, don't take a loan on his behalf and expect him to make the payments. Even if it is at a lower rate, you cannot assume he will keep up with the payments.

The only way I would say that you could reasonably help him is if you can afford to help him financially (and your OH agrees) then pay off the debt and come to an arrangement with him about paying it back. Put something in writing to say exactly what the agreement is. I think someone said earlier that such an arrangement is not enforceable in court, but this is not correct (although whether you would in fact take him to court, or get any money if you did, is another thing).

So the bottom line is that if you are going to help him financially, it HAS to be on the basis that you are prepared to lose the money and make the repayments yourself. Anything else is a bonus.

Desperate_Housewife_2-2

Just wanted to add to all the posts for Op NOT under any circumstances to sign anything for her dad or get involved in his finances, it would be a huge mistake and drag you under too.

Hope you are ok and dont feel at all guilty, I'm sure there are lots of us on this forum who have been skint but never asked anyone for a bail out, me included.

meritaten

You say 'Dad, I would love to help you, but I am NOT going to lose my home to do so' then, you point him in the direction of the debt charities! He is your parent, but, he should stand on his own two feet, not yours.
I wouldnt even ask my kids for help - usually I help them out to a certain point!

Needhelpsaving

Thank you all for all your comments. I got my mom involved even though they are not together and we have done an 'intervention' as they call it. Me and my mom are going to move some of them to a lower interest rate and have taken all of his credit cards, debit card and have set budget with him. He can't even access his inernet banking, so for the first couple of months he has to ask us if he wants something like petrol and we will chaperone him to fill up.

It was really hard as more and more stuff kept coming out. I am paying one on a 0% card (£300) and he has got to pay me back, we have already set up a standing order). It is much better than the 3200% interest he is paying on the payday loan - how people can charge that is beyond me!!!!!

I have told him that this is his first and last chance and that if he drops us in it, my mom will tell his parents (who would never let him forget it - they are that type of people) and that I would cut him off.

We are still trying to get him to see his GP before we push on with the debt advice people as he is in a really bad place and isn't thinking straight.

I hope this works. My OH is happier with this solution - we sat down last night and he said he could understand where I was coming from as I was being given ultimatums by people I loved. Finally got some sleep today after being awake and worried for 36 hours straight.

Thank you all!!!!!!

puddy

how much of his debt have you taken on?

i think its right that sometimes you have to baby people and not letting him have access to money at the moment is necessary, however that cant last for ever

from personal experience gp's either wont take MH problems seriously or will take forever to get a referral somewhere. in the mean time he is still not really getting a grip on his finanances because someone else is doing it for him. if he speaks to someone neutral about his debt, this will (after a while, it might depress him at the time) help him feel in more control and that will help his MH problems.

donquine

Needhelpsaving wrote: »

I hope this works. My OH is happier with this solution - we sat down last night and he said he could understand where I was coming from as I was being given ultimatums by people I loved. Finally got some sleep today after being awake and worried for 36 hours straight.

I'm really glad you're feeling less stressed and you've come up with a solution that your OH feels able to support. It doesn't sound like you've got an easy road ahead of you, but I think you're doing as much as you possibly can to help your dad sort himself out and you should take comfort from that. I really hope things work out for you all in the end.

Definitely keep going with trying to get your dad some perspective, as well as financial sense, as he is eventually going to need to cope on his own. I wonder if perhaps a charity like Mind might be able to hook you up with some helpful people before your dad's GP would be able to do anything? This isn't an area where I claim to have any experience, hopefully another poster might be able to advise.

Needhelpsaving

Again guys, thank you all sooooo much for your help and advice. As my dad has a history of MH problems, his GP is really good and we should get a referal put through. I am taking on about £700 of the debt, but luckily; I have been paid more than I thought (due to atx rebate as they have messed my wages up for 4 months and charged me emergency tax); so I can pay it out of my wage as opposed to putting it on my 0% card.

I know that I will have to give my dad control of his finances at some point; but I think that if we do it now (especially with how he is feeling) that it could end up being spent on frivilous things for a short term pick me up (beer/clothes etc) and that will just make it worse. My mom and I are going to have a money meal every sunday and my dad will join us at moms to go through what has been paid out in respect of bills, how much he owes/to who and at what percentage and whether he needs food/petrol for the week as we will take him to get it.

I anticipate some strops/tantrums etc when it gets tough, but I have to stay strong to help him (which is easier said than done). Hopefully, within 12 months, he should be in a much better place at which point, he and I will be setting up a savings account and when we start paying off his over draft; we will contact the bank to ask them to reduce the limit so that it cannot be ran up again.

I am really angry at my dad and the banks as they know his past record; yet have kept offering his things (LTSB are always on the phone - a 'personal banking manager' that clearly couldn't manage their way out of a paper bag!!!).

Mr.Mulla

First, allow me to tell you that you are a very good daughter. Your father is very lucky to have you and I hope he knows that. It's going to be a tough road ahead so I wish you'll always remain strong to overcome what you'll be facing. With enough determination I am sure that you can.

Stay strong and focused.

Bufger

Introduce him to MSE. get him to write down all of his outgoings and income and take control of his own life. If he cant do this and just wants a quick get-out then he wont ever learn and isnt worth the time.

Who's the parent and who's the daughter? he should be wiser than you, give him a kick up the backside.

puddy

Bufger wrote: »

Introduce him to MSE. get him to write down all of his outgoings and income and take control of his own life. If he cant do this and just wants a quick get-out then he wont ever learn and isnt worth the time.

Who's the parent and who's the daughter? he should be wiser than you, give him a kick up the backside.

she has done the right thing at the moment, supports are in place from the sounds of it, hopefully he wont be languishing in a virtually non existent mental health service and will get some proper support. a kick up the backside wont have done anything at this time, later maybe when he is able to take more control, but not now. op seems to have taken steps to enable him and protect herself as best she can