Parents pressuring me to take a loan out for them

Needhelpsaving

Hi,

I am in a dilema - I met my dad at the pub for a drink tonight as he said that he needed to talk to me. He asked me to be a guarantor on a loan with an interest rate of 53%!!! I said no.

But then he told me how he had 4 pay day loans and kept taking out more to keep up just on the interest. It has got so bad that his debts have been 'sold' on and he is getting calls constantly.

He and my mom broke up a few months ago and they are both in debt. My mom is managing her money now and trying to get rid of her CC's, but my dad can't take an IVA as this would mean selling the house and my brother moving in with me - which I think he would hate!

My dad says he has thought about suicide (he has a history of MH issues) and I am stuck. I spoke to my OH and he has hit the roof, but what do I do?????

BitterAndTwisted

RUN A BLOODY MILE!

If a grown man can't sort his own money-problems out without the connivance of his own daughter he deserves to be thrown to the wolves. Has this man no shame? 53% interest!

ema_o

((hugs)), not sure what more I can offer but what a horrible situation.

Is your dad in touch with anyone because of his MH issues? If so that might be a place to start.

I wouldn't have guarantored a loan at that rate either, that's insane. Can anyone help your dad look at finances, depending why he's in trouble and whether he could get it under control might make it clearer whAt can be done to help.

Not sure why your brother would need to move in with you, would he not get his own place?

Needhelpsaving

My bro is 13, so a bit young for moving into his own place - lol.

My thinking is that I should take out a loan and get him to sign something to state how much he will pay and when; then frog march him to the GP. I will not sit back and watch him take out a 53% loan - that's crazy. But he is in that bad a state that I can't sit back either- I just keep thinking what if he does do something and I could have stopped it?

ruby_red

thats a shame to be put into that situation, debt management is your first step get him to make appointment tomorrow if thats impossible make appt yourself and go along with him

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Say NO. And if he threatens suicide, point out that it won't stop the companies pursuing the debts, but he would have dumped all of this on a 13 year old and you instead.


He's threatening you with 'dumping' his son on you if you don't pay his debts for him? What kind of father does that?

Tell him to get himself to the CAB for proper advice, and contact your mum to arrange for your brother to go and live with her, as he's threatening suicide, so isn't in a position mentally to care for the lad any more.



His spending is not your problem to sort out or protect him from.

whitewing

Definitely say no and don't feel bad about it.

Agree with the others about offering to help him by taking him to the CAB etc.

whitewing

Absolutely don't take out a loan for him either. Please don't do it. If he can't deal with his own money, then he'll have no respect long term for any money you give him. You would be risking your relationaship with your OH. I'm telling you now that its highly, highly unlikely he'll pay you back.

Gavin83

You don't want to be acting as a guarantor on a loan which he is likely to default on and I wouldn't take out a loan for him either as he is unlikely to pay it back and as your thinking of a loan Im guessing it's money you can't write off. You'll also be risking your relationship if you did it behind your OH's back and I very much doubt he'd agree to it.

Get him an appointment with someone he can discuss he financial situation with and also an appointment with the GP to discuss his mental health issues.

Foggster

It is so easy for us to tell you to say No but I know my husband has been in a similar situation and its not that easy.

However, would it be worth sitting down with your dad and working through ALL his debt and not just these. Why hasnt he been able to get a loan through the obvious channels i.e. bank loan?

You say he cant go down the IVA route but owns a house. Sometimes, desperate times require desperate measures and maybe he should look at either adding the debt to his mortgage or indeed selling the house (unless of course he is negative equity). It doesnt mean homelessness it will mean he will have to rent or downsize.

You say your parents have separated but what is the arrangement with regards the house? Will your mum be looking to take her share? Is your mum paying your dad maintenance for your brother?

Sorry, so many questions and I am sure there are far wiser people here who can help but you may have to provide more information for someone to help.

balletshoes

Needhelpsaving wrote: »

My bro is 13, so a bit young for moving into his own place - lol.

My thinking is that I should take out a loan and get him to sign something to state how much he will pay and when; then frog march him to the GP. I will not sit back and watch him take out a 53% loan - that's crazy. But he is in that bad a state that I can't sit back either- I just keep thinking what if he does do something and I could have stopped it?

Let me ask you something - if you take out this loan, can you afford to repay it on your own if your Dad doesn't pay you? If the answer to that question is no, you can't, then you really can't take out this loan. Your dad is clearly not good at dealing with his finances, this should be a major warning signal for you not to take out a loan for him.
Its a true saying you know - don't lend money to a friend or relative unless you can afford to lose it (ie never get it repaid).

Its also not necessarily true that your Dad would lose his home if he went into an IVA - and to be honest, if theres equity in his home and he's in debt over his head, why isn't he considering selling and moving into something smaller/renting? He needs debt management advice - you could suggest going with him to the CAB for moral support?