startagain, Starts Again....... Again

Aesop · 13 February 2011 at 1:56PM

hmm, could you put a block on your phone to his number, so you cannot call it?

I hope you manage to stop yourself calling him. This reminds me of my destructive relationship with my ex, who I got into debt because of. One of the girls I worked with, gave me a book called women who love to much. At the time I didn't understand what she meant. A few months later I realised!

Aesop · 13 February 2011 at 1:59PM

Pleased to see SW and Wordsmith have posted, they both say such positive sensible things. Things I just don't think of at the time. Must be mummy brain...lol.

SW said something... make a list of the pros and cons of why you are in a relationship with this man, and be really honest with yourself. Maybe in black and white you can make a decision.

startagain_2 · 13 February 2011 at 2:00PM

You are such a match maker sw, but I don't particularly want to look or find anyone. It is just that this has been going on for so long - I have known him for 14 years in total. I understand that it has to be a complete cut off if it is going to work.
To be honest, one of the reasons I got a dog was to give me something here to take care of and take my mind away from thoughts of overseas. It has worked quite well - I have just got to finish the transaction now. AND I WILL.
I sat in bed last night and at 1.00am was writing the positive/negative list and as you can imagine there weren't a lot of positives whereas the negatives went off the page!
Anyway, I am pleased that you two hate Valentines Day as much as me. Can it be Tuesday please?
SA

savingwannabe · 13 February 2011 at 2:00PM

What you need to take from this is that you have identified somewhere where you have a weakness. You can overcome it. We all have them. it is learning how to move on which is empowering. Enjoy it, keep busy as you are doing, try new things, you will forget him and become stronger in the process like we all do.

savingwannabe · 13 February 2011 at 2:02PM

going to eat. then writing long legal letter this afternoon!!! oh joy. and it is raining. I need cake.

startagain_2 · 13 February 2011 at 2:05PM

Wordsmith wrote: »

You won't listen to a talking-to, SA, stiff or otherwise. You know what we'd say - you've admited that you'd say it yourself, and probably have said it to yourself already. So what if it's Valentine's day? There are many, many people on their own - divorced, never had a partner, widowed, in between partners. And there are many, many people who are unhappy with their partners and would love to be away from them. The day is not filled with romance - it's just another day.

You are hanging on to something that you know is not good for you. The situation is not making you happy. You know this and only you can change things. While you are hanging on to the thought of this man, you are not leaving yourself open to another relationship - one that will be equal and make you happy. Although, you don't need someone to make you happy.

You have so much to offer - a partner and friends - and like Aesop says, you deserve so much more than this situation is giving you. Please, please allow yourself to let go of the fantasy and open your heart to new friends, and, you never know, a new partner might happen along too.

Love to you.

Thanks Wordsmith - you are absolutely right as are the others. One of the problems in leading a solitary life is that you can be easily persuaded/worn down into thinking that things are OK and continue with something that is not good for you. Indeed you actually lose a sense of perspective.
I do know many people who are stuck in awful relationships, married or not, and I often think how lucky I am not to be in that situation where you can't escape from it.
I WILL be strong this time - and I think it is good that you all speak to me sternly, it is making a difference, believe me.

SA

savingwannabe · 13 February 2011 at 2:05PM

I wonder if Vardy is married. He is lovely and kind. Bet he is hitched and a man with a brain too. He'd be great for you. DVardy'sshadow check him out. i am going to get shot for this!!! if you need to delete this anyone please do. but i do thiink they would make a nice couple i trust him completely. He is just like firewalker.

startagain_2 · 13 February 2011 at 2:08PM

Aesop wrote: »

hmm, could you put a block on your phone to his number, so you cannot call it?

I hope you manage to stop yourself calling him. This reminds me of my destructive relationship with my ex, who I got into debt because of. One of the girls I worked with, gave me a book called women who love to much. At the time I didn't understand what she meant. A few months later I realised!

I have the same book, written by Robin Norwood, and read it twice. It is very good and makes a lot of sense. Like all addictive behaviours, it is about breaking the cycle. You are right, it is destructive, self and otherwise.

SA