startagain, Starts Again....... Again

savingwannabe

Dont worry i am sure it will turn up SA, sometimes ebay things take ages to arrive but they all turn up eventually.

Aesop say that you need to spend time with son, (lie, say they need extra care) and you can't go full time and they should leave you alone. Am i allowed to say this? being honest about your boss being a diddums wont work so we must improvise!

off to worky poos, yuk!

startagain_2

Aesop wrote: »

take your time about the job.

my place, when I interviewed wanted me to work full time, said no, as money too little. now they are desperate for me to go full time and will up money but the increase means I get now wtc and have to pay more in childcare and will actually be worse off.

so said no to Manager and said if I got paid a salary rather than hourly, it might make a difference, so she said work out what salary you need to survive and we will put it to managing director. But I am thinking....NO, don't want to work there full time. My deputy manager makes so many mistakes and I am getting fed up with it. they are serious financial mistakes, not silly mistakes. and I am fed up with him taking over things I am working on and making them worse. he stays late and comes in on sat (unpaid) and phones people and has a go at them or makes arrangements and doesn't tell me! then I am sitting there phoning or doing things looking like a chump.

Thanks honey, I will. Typical isn't it that this should come up so quickly? Been doing the sums and the job will leave me £5 better off than the dole. Here we go... I have confirmed that I will go for the interview though. How on earth are people supposed to get on when they can't get off the poverty line? Long gone are the days where you could pay your bills, treat yourself, and save something as well.
I am really keen on all the HA training stuff though and don't want to jeopardise that - I think it could bode well for the future. None of the dates clash as yet but I will have to consider that as well.
Off to clear my head - speak soon..
SA

Aesop

Enjoy your walk SA am envious. Think when weather improves will go up to the woods.

I think HA stuff would be good for you, that maybe your forte

speak soon.xxx

startagain_2

Friday already, where has the week gone?

Dismal, misty day outside - putting off the long dog walk....

Had an OK day so far, I have been and signed on and that was OK. As I have got an interview on Weds they didn't ask too many questions. Just the 28 mile round trip ... :mad: The petrol is nearly as much as the bus fare nowadays. I don't want to give my car up but if the fuel and insurance don't stop rising I can't see how I can justify it.

Neighbours downstairs have decided it is going to be a 70's and 80's disco day and are playing a load of old cheesy hits. I am trying not to get too wound up but it is beginning to get to me. I watched Question Time last night and went to bed and they had a film on full blast in the bedroom (directly below mine) and then put ANOTHER one on starting at 12.25am. It is crazy.... what sort of mentality do these sort of people have? Don't bother answering, I know!

I had a lovely long chat with my friend in the Dominican Republic yesterday evening. He is much better now after spending last weekend in hospital. It is hard to explain but I love it when I make him really laugh and I was managing it last night. It is his birthday tomorrow and I have been composing messages in Spanish ready to text in the morning. Oooh ... when I win the lottery

Anyway, moving on.... is anyone else hooked on The Good Wife on More4 on Thursday nights? I love it!!!! Series 2 now and it is better than ever, that and Human Planet make it the best nights viewing for me of the week.

Off now to walk the dog before he rings the RSPCA. He keeps the card at the side of his bed for when he feels badly done to..

Hugs

SA

savingwannabe

I fell asleep in front of the tv the other night and a rubbish bruce lee film was on. Utter Tosh. Mind you my favourite film is the Wizard of Oz and I bet a lot of people would hate it too! It is all so subjective. Sorry they are up till late!

Hope you had a good walk it is dark now and still drizzly here. Still it is Friday and i have 2 days off hooray. So tired.

startagain_2

After Christmas, Valentines day has got to be the saddest/loneliest time of the year for some people. The advertising hype that surrounds it is everywhere! Am I the only person who thinks that it is overkill and just makes the world a lonelier place for people who would love to meet someone special?

Am I down? Uh huh Things are getting to me a bit, coinciding with it being a dismal, rainy day - I am always better when the sun is shining.
Yesterday started off well - it was my "friend's" birthday and I had sent him a bit of money to have some food and beer with his friends, supposedly at his house and not too riotous. He rang me a couple of times in the morning and was very happy saying he would ring again in the afternoon. I didn't hear anything so I rang him at 5pm their time. It took an hour to get through ( before the phone was answered) and he obviously wasn't in the mood and cut me off. The phone was then switched off.

We have been here a number of times before but I don't think I want any of this carp anymore. I enjoy chatting to him and we are together when I visit but what else? It is almost impossible for a visa (even for a holiday) for him to visit - so why can't I give him up? If I wrote half of the things that have gone on over the last 10 years you would all declare me insane for still being in contact with him My psychologist thinks that he is "my fix" - that I am addicted to the high of the contact or seeing him when I leave the airport and so on. In other words a fantasy. I think there is a lot of truth in that. I am a sensible, intelligent grown up woman and I just know what I would say to someone else if they were asking my advice... so why can't I give myself a good talking to, and listen? :wall:

Come on buddies, give me a stiff talking to - I need it.

Back to the real world, done the weekly shop today, very cheap - £20, including household stuff. More baking on the agenda, I freeze the little cakes and allow myself one a day. So much cheaper than buying cakes and pastries from the supermarket.
I have got the dentist tomorrow morning and then a counselling appointment in the afternoon. Talk about coming at the right time. I hope he has got plenty of tissues handy.

Musicmagpie have received my cds and dvds, hooray, so I should get a cheque this week. I am also expecting a tenner from one of the survey sites. It is all going towards a new cooker - like my old fridge, my poor little cooker was second hand when I bought it 6 years ago and is about 3/4's of the size of the gap between the kitchen units - it is that tiny.

Off to Leeds on Tuesday for a HA forum meeting and then my interview on Weds so it is a busy start to the week. Hopefully it will take my mind off "other things"

Lots of rambling and ranting to follow ....

Hugs

SA

Aesop

:hello: SA

don't even get me started on Valentine's day! I think it is the biggest rip off, along with Christmas and Easter!

OK, stern talking to, imagine the finger waggling.

Your friend is in the Dominican Republic, no? I have been there, had a great holiday before it became too commercial. How many friends do you think the guys over there have? And in how many countries?

Yes, you get a buzz talking to him over the phone and knowing he wants you, but you can only see him when you can afford to go over. And then it is a short thrill and you are back again.

Do you not wonder what he is upto when you are not there? I would. And I would rapidly go off him.

You are a really lovely lady and deserve a much better, 2 way relationship with someone who can stop and spend time with you, give you the attention you deserve, spoil you in the way you are entitled and give you much more.

You have got a busy week ahead of you, good luck with that.
x

startagain_2

Thanks Aesop,

Yep, he is and can you believe that I was actually a Rep there and warned people about getting together with "one of them" There is a slight difference, I lived there twice (with him) and he is nowhere near the tourist areas so isn't one of the professionals. Unfortunately, I am only too aware of what he gets up to.
You are so right - I do have to finance everything and he is one of the reasons why I got into debt before. I still don't think I want anyone here particularly - I like my independence, my own space, and my own decisions. A long distance relationship suits in some ways. I am not making excuses, believe me, I know it has to stop. It is just finding a way of stopping myself ringing him when the urge takes hold. Even speaking in Spanish gives me a buzz. I like it to an alcoholic suddenly reaching for the bottle. It is so hard to resist.
Please let me be 3 months down the road and be able to say I have not tried to contact him.
SA

savingwannabe

I dont agree with Valentines day but dont feel down about it. It is not a part of my life and never will be. It is flowers without sincerety. Lots of my friends are married and put up with stuff i wouldn't. Maybe because i have never really loved or trusted anyone due to my childhood I suppose. I never forget when men buy me flowers on Valentine's day i used to think it was genuine - now i laugh - I used to think it was something to show how much i meant to them. [EMAIL="D@ckhead"]D@ckhead[/EMAIL] Tim (who is now dean of a university) was trying to get off with everyone else in the university at the same time he was buying me flowers and chocolates. Err nothing much has changed since. I am afraid i dont trust the male gender. (My best mate Andy was having a debate with me about this last week and I did stamp the floor and won my argument) PS he is gay or i would have sent you his address.

It sounds like you have already made your mind up. This idea of a perfect man albeit abroad, it will be interesting for you to write down what you gain -a few weeks of happiness when you visit and then worry and concern when he hangs up, when you have to pay for things for the rest of the year. Gosh SA you are worth much more than that. I dont have a particularly high opinion of the male gender but there are some good ones in this country - you have to look hard but they are there. You can do a heck of a lot better than him. Sounds like you have made up your own mind. My friend Penny joined a dating site and goes on lots of dates and has fun.

You need to speak to friends get your confidence back and join a good dating agency if that is what you want. Did you read the early part of Firewalker's diary she would be a good inspiration as she met him via an ad in a down part of her life and she has moved on from strength to strength. You are a fighter too. I am rather looking forward to an MSE wedding on this thread now. i wonder who you will meet????

Wordsmith

You won't listen to a talking-to, SA, stiff or otherwise. You know what we'd say - you've admited that you'd say it yourself, and probably have said it to yourself already. So what if it's Valentine's day? There are many, many people on their own - divorced, never had a partner, widowed, in between partners. And there are many, many people who are unhappy with their partners and would love to be away from them. The day is not filled with romance - it's just another day.

You are hanging on to something that you know is not good for you. The situation is not making you happy. You know this and only you can change things. While you are hanging on to the thought of this man, you are not leaving yourself open to another relationship - one that will be equal and make you happy. Although, you don't need someone to make you happy.

You have so much to offer - a partner and friends - and like Aesop says, you deserve so much more than this situation is giving you. Please, please allow yourself to let go of the fantasy and open your heart to new friends, and, you never know, a new partner might happen along too.

Love to you.