How to tell them I'm having suicidal thoughts

dangalf

It sounds like you're having more of an anxiety related thing. In fact, parts of it sound a bit like a variant of OCD (this is not offering a diagnosis by the way just thoughts and please ignore them if you wish) whereby the anxiety triggers obsessional thinking and various mental rituals. Anyway, I would certainly seek out your GP or speak to a professional as you shouldn't have to go through this on your own. The heightened sense of responsibility (not wanting to upset others) is also something commonly associated with anxiety and OCD. I hope everything turns out ok. And remember you're not alone. Many many people face these things in their life. A big hug to you and best of luck.

ellies_angel

Make an appointment to see your Dr and tell them everything you told us in your first post.
I can relate so strongly to your post, no I never would have commited suicide, but would have been so happy just to have gone to sleep and never woken up, driven home and wondered if I just went a little faster round the corner would I have rolled the car and been killed.
I had tried all the usual things to raise my mood and life that huge black cloud that was engulffing me. I went out walking, I walked everywhere, wrote down how I was feeling etc but it didn't help, eventually to save myself, my relationship and my friendships I made an appointment with my Dr. I asked for a long/double appointment and when I went in I sat down and told her.
It was the best thing I have ever done, I am now on anti depresants. Not a high dosage and I will be on them 12/18 months. It took 4/6 weeks before I noticed a difference but slowly I began to feel better about myself and things, those thoughts had passed. There is a huge stigma still taking medication, I know I would rather be taking them than be how I was. There are days where I have forgotten, I don't notice till the next day when I go to take another one. The only side effects I had were I couldn't stop yawning for around the first week (although I wasn't tired) and a metalic taste which lasted around 3 days.
Sometimes as in my case, depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. The imbalance is being put right. If you were lacking in iron your would eat more greens or take a tablet, I believe its the same thing.
But please, whatever you do, talk to a Dr, there is no need for you to feel this way. Life is far too short for you not to be enjoying every minute of it x

Tulip

*hugs* Op.I have been like you and I contact the Samaritans if I feel If I am in crisis and what you tell them is confidential,I had the flu after xmas and kept crying so I rang them for a shortish chat and the lady said thanks for calling us and I said back I was so glad I had and felt so much better.I no longer feel suicidal in myself as I got out alot now and socialise with friends and also keep myself motivated and busy.

Hope you will feel better soon but please see your GP or use the Samaritans in the mean time.

blondie_girl

Thank you everyone. I have told my partner how I feel and now it feels like we are in it together instead of me struggling on my own. There must be a way out of this mess.

I have saved the samaritans number in my phone in case I need to ring when I'm out, as I nearly had to stop the car on my way home cos I wac crying so much

I just wish I didn't feel like I'm about to cry all the time!

Thanks to everyone who has replied you have helped me see different points of view and realise I'm not alone. I am really grateful for your replies and thank you for your kindness

Padstow

blondie_girl wrote: »

Hi everyone. I'm a regular poster but I'm using another username. This is a difficult post to write but here goes.

I am currently under a lot of stress at work (and a few other personal issues) and I really feel like I'm having a breakdown and I can't cope. I'm crying all the time and my heart is racing, my stomach hurts (feels like it's in knots) and I feel sick. I am constantly thinking of suicide, it feels like some kind of defence mechanism, as soon as I begin to get stressed out I just keep thinking about it.

I must point out that I am NOT going to commit suicide, I would never do that to my friends or family. I do have a long history of self harm and depression (since childhood) but I thought I was beating it.

I don't know if I should tell my partner or my parents, I feel like I don't want to worry them espeically as I have no intention of following through with it, but I feel like I can't keep it bottled up. For the past few weeks I've just been constantly thinking about slitting my wrists. But I know no matter how bad it gets I would never do it.

Please give me some advice, I've been blighted by depression for so long I have no idea whether this is normal or not, and if it's ok to think about it but not to do it. I don't want to worry and upset them, and I know my partner would be devestated if I told him, he has already had to put up with me self harming (stopped now, for him) and it would hurt him so much if he knew how I was feeling or what I'm thinking.

Please help, I am crying while writing this

You are working, well done. Think of all here who are looking for a job. You are one lucky girl. Get yourself together and shut up girl. You have everything going for you.

snoop2008

Padstow wrote: »

You are working, well done. Think of all here who are looking for a job. You are one lucky girl. Get yourself together and shut up girl. You have everything going for you.

Padstow, from your posts recently you give fantastic advice and support, what's happened here!!!

It's not easy to get yourself together if the OP has health issues.

OP I hear what you are saying regarding your disturbing thoughts. You are aware of them, and you know you would not act upon them. There is no shame in talking to your partner or family that your not coping too well at this time. I always put things into a temporary phase. These feelings exsit but they are not permenant.

If your unders stress at work, then this anxiety levels can rise, notice how you are when your stress levels are at a normal level, how you function well and how you cope. It's also a huge responsibility to not want to hurt your family by telling them how you really feel now. It shows you care about their feelings, but please do not ignore your own. Have chat to your partner, it's good to talk and you may feel better if you did. Bottling things up is not healthy and if you can share your feelings without feeling ashamed then do so.

All the best.

whitewing

I am on anti-d's before which I was having a lot of thoughts like yours. As with you, it was a long term thing and therefore felt 'normal' and I was therefore coping as well as could be expected. It was only when my DH said that he didn't want me to have those thoughts that I began to realise that a lot of people never have those kind of thoughts.

I am completely fine now about being on anti-d's long term. If I had known that they do work without zombifying me then I would have gone on them 20 years ago. As someone else said, you have a chemical imbalance in your brain - why wouldn't you want to treat it?

I'm not cured by a long shot, but am much, much better day to day. For starters, I don't have to worry about upsetting people because I am much less irritated by people. And I was so angry. I felt that I could shatter into a million pieces.

Go and see the GP and get yourself the help that you deserve.

Teenie_D

Padstow wrote: »

You are working, well done. Think of all here who are looking for a job. You are one lucky girl. Get yourself together and shut up girl. You have everything going for you.

And you are a very lucky person who has obviously never experienced either depression or anxiety what an idiot!:mad:

scooby088

I think it is normal to have a suicidal thought from time to time, i think that GP's are all too quick to prescribe drugs that really don't enhance your mood or make you think any different.

I have been prescribed various anti depressants over the period of 6 months, until finally i said no more, i funded a course of counselling which worked a treat although the tablets were prescribed for my anger management issues, i think though the nhs are very ill equipped to help those of us who want to change the way we feel or act.

I sometimes have thoughts of harming others but only after they have pee'd me off in someway but I will not act upon those thoughts, I just think it healthy to have such thoughts but unhealthy to act upon them, it's called human nature..

Callie22

Padstow wrote: »

You are working, well done. Think of all here who are looking for a job. You are one lucky girl. Get yourself together and shut up girl. You have everything going for you.

Really, really inappropriate thing to post. You have absolutely no idea what the OPs problems are, nor do you have any idea what exactly their work status is - you don't know if their job is permanent, or secure, or why it's causing them anxiety at the moment. To say that someone should be ok based on whether they have a job or not is ridiculous. Seriously, posting something like this is so far from helpful it's unreal.