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How to tell them I'm having suicidal thoughts
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Firstly, well done for admitting to the way you are feeling. It isn't easy, and it's obviously a sign of the stress you are under if you feel you have to change your user-name on a site where anonymity is already in place for your regular user name and nobody would know who you are anyway.
If the prime course of your stress is work-related, can you be more specific about exactly what is triggering this? Is it the amount of work which you can't cope with, the complexity of it, or bullying/harrassing behaviour from a more senior employee? Could you go and talk to your HR Manager. Most good companies should have employee policies in place to give employees support when they are struggling in the way you are , and it may be that if you can be courageous enough to speak out about how you are feeling, a mechanism can be put in place to relieve your stress. Please don't suffer in silence. There must be somebody there who can help you if you can only bring yourself to be honest about your current feelings. Believe me, if you ended up cutting your wrists, your fellow employees would be devastated that they had not known about your predicament and be wracked with guilt that they had not done something to help you.
Secondly, remember there is always the Samaritans who will listen in a non judgemental way. Don't think that nobody will be prepared to listen to you. If you are a long term sufferer of depression, your GP ought also to be able to help you, or perhaps refer you to some counselling to talk over your private issues. But please don't rule out talking to your partner or your parents. Nobody knows what is going on in somebody else's head. Sharing your thoughts, if nothing else, should help to reduce the loneliness of your current situation.
Perhaps try making a mental list of all the good things in your life, even if you find it difficult at the moment. There is a very good book which could help you which has been written for those with suicidal thoughts and their families, and I'm sure your library will be able to get it for you if you don't want to buy it on Amazon or somewhere else. It's called 'Choosing to Live' by Thomas Ellis and Cory Newman, ISBN 1-57224-056-3. It will help you understand the negative thoughts that are whirling around in your head at the moment and hopefully give you some help in finding your way out of the maze you feel you are in.
PS I've just caught up with your earlier post where you say there is no HR support where you work. Could you just try being a little more open with your fellow employees or your immediate boss who should, if nothing else, be taking more responsibility for ensuring that despite the stress you are under, your current job should be reviewed to see if options are possible for making it easier for you, if only on a temporary basis.0 -
Unfortunately my situation at work can't be changed. The option is to stay, or to leave and have no money. I know I won't be here forever and I will move on to something else, but keeping sane in the time being is my biggest priority.
I have told my partner I am feeling very sad and keep crying, and I my parents know I am struggling and are always there to talk (although my mum doesn't understand at all as she is totally different personality to me, really confident and sure of herself and believes in herself and doesn't understand things like your mind thinking bad thoughts cos she can just tell her mind not to!).
To be honest, writing all this down has just made me realise how much I don't want to hurt them by telling them how I'm feeling because it would upset me so much to make them upset. I think I will call the samaritans and hopefully find a way to keep going0 -
blondie_girl wrote: »Thanks everyone for your replies. I may talk to the samaritins
I have been on antidepressants before and swore never again. I have had counselling on and off for many years and the conclusion by professionals was that I struggle with depression, there is no known cause and I can choose to live on antidepressants for the rest of my life or cope without. I chose to cope without and normally do quite well with my own coping mechanisms, and being able to recongise before it all becomes too much rather than too late. Maybe I will have to go back to the gp.
The way I am feeling is directly brought on by work stress, which is a situation that is unlikely to change in the immidiate future. Goiung off sick is not an option. There is no support for me at work and no HR as such. Personal issues are not too bad, just thinking about money and moved to a new area so haven't really got many friends, so that doesn't help. I feel I am not coping very well at all.
Thank you for your help, I am feeling a little better. I was just feeling so alone, and worried about talking to the few people I have to help me. I don't want to cause my loved ones any pain by knowing I am in a mess.
Hey Blondie
no, you are not alone- I have been there too and I would suggest two things:
1) Can you get to a counsellor? I did (through work, 5 sessions, and then I decided to continue with it and this saved me)
2) It is FINE not to cope with something very well. Don't put more pressure on yourself
I don't think it is going to help not to talk- as much as you say you won't hurt yourself, you just don't know where your breaking point is. I have had times when I was extremely well for months (I have severe post-traumatic stress disorder, due to things I saw while growing up) and then, suddenly and without warning, it hit me- the outbursts, dark thoughts and plunging into a dark hole were undescribable. I don't say this to scare you, but just to make you aware that it won't help you to bottle it up . Share it with your partner and let them know you are not having the best of times...give yourself permission to have a bad day , if you know what I mean.
Like you I had work problems, a bereavement, moved house and everything was on top of me, so much so that it was ruining my relationship. Three sessions with my counsellor and I was, literally, starting the way up...three years later, I finsihed counselling and I can say that I still have bad moments (like most people) but I have learned to accept them as part of life and not let it get to me in such an overwhelming way. (I am not insinuating it would take you three years, by the way, my background is much more complex than most people's, and even so, I manage to have a pretty good life). I personally don't think anti-depressant resolve the problem, although they helps some people to muster the energy to get out of bed...I would always go for the counselling option, having tried both.
Think about it, many GPs can refer for counselling.
Have you thoght of going swimming or doing some kind of exercise? I found that swimming really helped me- I also practice yoga and that was, together with the counselling, what got me back...
Keep going, I promise you that things will get better...
Ax0 -
Blondie_girl, I really hope you can find a professional you can talk to about your thoughts and feelings and that they can guide you to make you feel happier in life.
I wish my mum would have seeked this help instead of committing suicide and leaving me and my dad behind with an awful lot of unanswered questions as we have no clue what made her do it.0 -
ps- if it helps you, PM me. I am happy to talk to you. Having been there myself, I don't like to see people suffering.
In the meantime and while things change, just make sure you take good care of yourslef- eat well, rest enough and try to do some exercise, even if it is just walking...
X0 -
I don't really feel like I am depressed, thankfully I seem to be keeping my head above the water in that department, but I am feeling a lot of stress and feel like I am on the verge of meltdown (hence the crying all the time!)
I still have a lot of hangups about myself and feel down sometimes but have learned to cope and even be happy, but this is different and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to control the situation that I'm in, so every time things take a turn for the worse I keep thinking of suicide as the only way out. When things get back I think "I could just slit both my wrists right now and it would all be over".
Like I said though, I would never do this because no matter what happens I couldn't cause that amount of suffering to people that love me. I don't particularly want to die, but equally I don't care if I live.0 -
When I've been depressed before I've had a tendancy to fixate on something, sounds to me that you are fixating on the idea of suicide. It must hold an appeal to you, although you are not selfish enough to do it. It's appealing because it's the easy way out, but as much as you want an easy way out, you are too strong to do it. But, at the same time you are finding that you are becoming weak to fight it..
I don't know about speaking to family, def not your mum. I have a sister who is very black and white on mental health issues, and she is a nurse! lol. I would consider having a heart heart with your partner though, mention the thoughts if you want, but be prepared for him being shocked.
All the best, I know what it's like to be in a black hole and thinking nobody can help you or understand what it's like.. please see the doctor and at least have a cry and get some medication to help you through this.9/70lbs to lose0 -
londoner1998 wrote: »ps- if it helps you, PM me. I am happy to talk to you. Having been there myself, I don't like to see people suffering.
In the meantime and while things change, just make sure you take good care of yourslef- eat well, rest enough and try to do some exercise, even if it is just walking...
X
Thank you. This is different than the depression I have suffered in the past. I am going to an exercise class tonight with a friend which I know I will enjoy, and will take my mind off things. I just don't seem to be able to cope with the stress I am under in some parts of my life, and as the stress increases I think of suicide as the only way out. It becomes something I long for but know that it isn't a viable option.
I wish I could cope with this better0 -
blondie_girl wrote: »
I still have a lot of hangups about myself and feel down sometimes but have learned to cope and even be happy, but this is different and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to control the situation that I'm in, so every time things take a turn for the worse I keep thinking of suicide as the only way out. When things get back I think "I could just slit both my wrists right now and it would all be over".
As you say, it might be all over for you if you slit your wrists, but for your partner and your parents the guilt and the pain would continue for the rest of their lives, so that would be three more lives wrecked.
The suggestion to consider some regular exercise may help you. Swimming and walking are particularly good, especially if you can find some nice scenery in which to walk.
Some yoga and relaxation/meditation classes might also help if you can find some locally. I know when you are feeling down it's sometimes difficult to get yourself out of bed, let alone getting to an exercise class of some kind, but afterwards one almost invariably always feels better. Stick with it. January is a horrible month anyway and everybody feels low and depressed. Just remember that lighter and warmer days will soon be here, and that too will hopefully make you feel a little more positive.0 -
blondie_girl wrote: »Thank you. I just don't seem to be able to cope with the stress I am under in some parts of my life, and as the stress increases I think of suicide as the only way out. It becomes something I long for but know that it isn't a viable option.
I wish I could cope with this better
Can you share with us precisely what this specific issues are? There are probably things that other people on here have experienced too, and people may be able to share with you the coping mechanisms they adopted for being able to overcome them. There are few problems that others haven't suffered from at some time or other so don't feel that you are alone and nobody understands how you are feeling.0
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