Bitter sister in law

ceridwen

I'm outa here....I was trying to explain the other viewpoint - but I don't see why I should hang around and get "flamed" just for trying to explain in detail a perfectly valid viewpoint (ie why your SIL feels the way she does).

k.o.d

Before you go, please, if you have the books on etiquette (which are basically how to be polite in certain situations) explain how it was the correct etiquette to say what the SIL said?
I cannot see how you can talk about etiquette and condone the womans impolite actions?

shellsuit

ceridwen wrote: »

I'm outa here....I was trying to explain the other viewpoint - but I don't see why I should hang around and get "flamed" just for trying to explain in detail a perfectly valid viewpoint (ie why your SIL feels the way she does).

You haven't got a baldy clue why the SIL feels the way she does, because you're not the SIL, so how on earth can you explain her viewpoint in detail??

Edinburghlass_2

I'd like the link to these modern day etiquette books if it will help to understand silly people on the internet?

Plans_all_plans

I would like to ask ceridwen what she thinks about IVF? If a couple who couldn't have children naturally conceived even just one child through IVF and told you, would you tell them to their face they shouldn't have had IVF?

I personally disagree with IVF for ethical reasons, but I certainly wouldn't tell my opinion to a colleague announcing an IVF pregnancy for example. Also, all my friends know my opinion on it from when we were at uni and discussing such things, but I certainly wouldn't reiterate it to them if they announced an IVF pregnancy later in life!! This would be total bad manners and show an appalling lack of taste.

We can all have differing opinions, but it's best to be polite and tactful when we put these forward.

Supermom

Congrats on baby number 3:j

We have four as found 3 an odd number :rotfl:

Would love to see the look on your SIL's face if you decide to have another:eek:

Just ignore her, sounds like sour grapes to me don't allow her to spoil things for you. It is no ones business as to how many children you have but your own:D

andrealm

ceridwen wrote: »

I'm outa here....I was trying to explain the other viewpoint - but I don't see why I should hang around and get "flamed" just for trying to explain in detail a perfectly valid viewpoint (ie why your SIL feels the way she does).

The op's SIL is perfectly entitled to her views, as are you, but I'm sure most of us have strong views on certain things, or have issues we are sensitive about and have been in a situation where we've congratulated someone or kept our thoughts to ourselves because we knew it would be incredibly rude to express our honest opinion at that moment. And I don't need to read a book on etiquette to know this, it's just basic good manners.

Would it have killed the woman to have bitten her tongue and kept her thoughts to herself for once and just said "congratulations"?

And saying that you'll give presents to the first two children but not the third isn't rational at all. She may not agree with op's decision to have a third child but to take it out on an innocent child is unbelievably petty.

bunty109

There seems to be a blurring of the line between principles and manners here and there's times to really stick up for your principles, and times when you need to put them to one side. I'm assuming the toast was made in the OP's or the FIL's house and done with the kindest of intentions. He hardly suggested people raised a glass because someone had just committed murder: I could understand if someone wanted to pipe up about their principles then. This involves an innocent child and a happy family - completely different. This is a case of principles: SIL (presumably) isn't in a position where she can't have children and just chose not to (although for all any of us know she could be unable to have them adn there might be other issues here). Why should the FIL be dictated to by her principles over this? Should he not talk politics if his views aren't to her liking?

As for having a view "ahead of your time": well, only hindsight will tell if SIL has that and that's why using such analagies as the slave trade don't quite work. It may be that in another century we are all more "responsible" in our procreation. We could end up with a scenario like the film Children of Men! But that's hindsight, not the OP's feelings in her own/FIL's home right now over something widely acknowledged to be a nice (if not good!) thing

Luckyred

Supermom wrote: »

Congrats on baby number 3:j

We have four as found 3 an odd number :rotfl:

Would love to see the look on your SIL's face if you decide to have another:eek:

Just ignore her, sounds like sour grapes to me don't allow her to spoil things for you. It is no ones business as to how many children you have but your own:D

Supermom... I like your style! and you are right of course that the amount of children anyone has is no ones business but their own.

kafkathecat

Early on someone mentioned Aspergers, this crossed my mind too as you mentioned that she is a little odd. People with Aspergers syndrome often have poor social skills don't see others point of view so easily (gross simplification I know). She may be horrified by how much she has upset you. I also wonder if she is a little depressed? In my experience people aren't usually nasty for no reason but often that reason is nothing to do with you.