Bitter sister in law

lostinrates

shellsuit wrote: »

What if the 2nd birth had resulted in twins or more?

Or what if your wife fell pregnant accidentally because her contraception failed? (If she's been sterilised or you have had the snip, what if that happened just before whichever of you had the op?)

I'm not picking, I'm genuinely interested in what your response would be

I can't answer for Geoffky but From my point of view twins are ''a happy accident''. As people say...this sort of happy and uncontrolled over population can be absorbed by people like me who don't have any, more easily than trying to ''counter'' all of those of us who are childless with others who have multiple pregnancies rather than multiple children.

Contraception failure happens too.....but failure to use contraception happens more I think!

Alittlesad

Absinthe_Fairy wrote: »

As adults you and your OH might be able to sympathise with SIL and accept her point of view, although you don't agree - but your youngest child would feel awful if they were ignored by their auntie while the other children weren't.

There is no way we would allow that. She either buys for all or none or acknowledges all or none. I would hope she would love them rather than just acknowledge them but judging by ceridwen's statements and the fact that she and my SIl seem to be singing from the same hymn sheet on this one, I don't hold out much hope that she will surprise us all and welcome the new baby with love.:(

duchy

Alittlesad wrote: »

Ok, I know all about overpopulation and perhaps I am selfish but we had our selfish reasons for wanting number three.
I should also say that the "overpopulation" argument she uses now was not present years ago when she was in the market for marriage and children. It does seem to be something she has only brought up in recent years. Maybe I'm just being cynical but it's easy for someone who never had children because circumstances ensured they didn't to say that they did it to save the planet.
I don't want to provoke a debate on the issue but really wanted to see if there was a way to deal with someone like her.

It's also easy for people who have a partner and have no trouble concieving to have little empathy for those who can't.
If the "over population" stance has only emerged as her likelihood of becoming a parent have diminished then perhaps her bitterness is more understandable (even if her personality has contributed to this state).
As I said earlier her attitude towards her new nephew or niece is completely unacceptable and needs to be dealt with when and if she carries out her threat.

If I was really wicked I'd be tempted to send her a link to this thread though :eek: (for the humour impaired-No I'm NOT serious !!)

gratefulforhelp_2

Alittlesad wrote: »

Well I cannot even begin to understand your reasoning or your "pre-emptive" move to not be an aunt to your neices/nephews but I won't judge you for it.
Thanks for your input.

Don't let it rile you.

tizerbelle wrote: »

Absolutely! Congratulations to you and your family.

I am in my 40's, single no kids and through my choice I won't ever have any. So you and your OH can have the 2 kids I would have been allowed to prevent over-population in addition to your original entitlement of two kids

Can I please have the other spare one?

longhotbath wrote: »

My sister announced that we would be 'dead to her once the child was born' !!

What a knob...sorry I know she's your sister. My SIL is like this and frankly I WISH she would cut us out of her life.

absinthefairy great name!

euronorris

geri1965 wrote: »

So she will buy presents for the other two but miss this one out? How petty, I would be inclined to tell her not to bother with presents for any, as you won't accept them.

I'm wondering what she thinks that will achieve? Other than upset the parents and child?

Doesn't help the overpopulation problem she quoted at all. Bizarre!

catkins

tizerbelle wrote: »

Absolutely! Congratulations to you and your family.

I am in my 40's, single no kids and through my choice I won't ever have any. So you and your OH can have the 2 kids I would have been allowed to prevent over-population in addition to your original entitlement of two kids

When did we decide every couple would be allowed 2 children? Even this number is not going to help this overpopulated country/planet is it?

I am not saying everyone should stop having children but people just seem to have their heads buried in the sand if they cannot see that we already have far too many people in this country and cannot possible carry on the way we are.

I have no children and love my neices and nephews to bits but worry about their futures. The job situation will only get worse as will the housing situation. I cannot even start to think about the schools, the nhs etc etc

euronorris

Also, having caught up a bit now, I'm curious as to why this angers her so much in the first place?

Overpopulation of the planet is a problem. A huge one, but there are many, many other countries that are far worse culprits than we are. If the SIL feels so strongly about it, is she actually doing anything to change things (other than not having children of her own)? Does she go on missionaries to third world countries to help with sex education? Does she volunteer at any family planning clinics here in the UK? Or volunteer at youth projects to help educate teens about protection etc etc?

If not, then I really don't see how she can pass any comment on the OP having a third child. By doing so, she is singling them out. If she was really concerned about it, then surely she should do something to change it, rather than pick on her families choices.

Ceridwen - I'm sorry, but I don't see why anyone should have to hide their joy or celebration from anyone else. Just because I don't wish to get married, does not mean I am not delighted for friends and family who do. Likewise, I do wish to have children in the future, but if a friend who really didn't, and wanted to celebrate that fact, then I would celebrate with them.

Absinthe_Fairy

Alittlesad wrote: »

There is no way we would allow that. She either buys for all or none or acknowledges all or none. I would hope she would love them rather than just acknowledge them but judging by ceridwen's statements and the fact that she and my SIl seem to be singing from the same hymn sheet on this one, I don't hold out much hope that she will surprise us all and welcome the new baby with love.:(

I hope she comes to her senses, but if she doesn't it sounds like you're better off without her. x

Absinthe_Fairy

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

absinthefairy great name!

Thank you

Humphrey10

Personally I think it would be better if people didn't have more than 2 children due to overpopulation (there are far too many people in the world as it is, the population needs to decrease rather than be maintained at current levels or increase), but it is a personal choice for the parents to make, and I wouldn't judge them for it, or mention to them that I thought this. The OP's SIL sounds like she is being very unreasonable - no sane person would think it acceptable to give 2 of 3 siblings gifts etc and ignore the third.