I STILL want to be mortgage free - 2011!

twinklie

Thanks for your thoughts and no apologies needed. He does have a "job" in that he is doing a funded PhD, but hasn't been back since he left the day before his grandma died. I've came to the conclusion that he was depressed about a week ago, he just can't deal with the grief. But I've been saying he'll be fine when he gets back into a routine, he'll be fine. But I've been unable to get him back into a routine. He has to go back to work on Monday to put his timesheet in though or he won't get paid!! :eek:

I'll have a look at that book though for sure. Thanks. Just don't really know what I'm doing.

EDIT: Just looked at a preview of that book you recommended and it describes exactly how I'm feeling. THANK YOU so much - you're an absolute star! In fact I'll write it on your thread just to make sure you know it!!

twinklie

Just to add to the fun. DH has paid his CC late so the 0% has been removed from it. So I'm having to transfer it back to an old CC in order to transfer it onto my O% with the same CC company (they don't allow BT's from cards they own). So that's a pain in the bottom, but will work out cheaper in the long run rather than getting charged £35 every month when he's only paying back £50! It's the only way we can do it! Grr.

Don't know whether to bother telling him given how crazy he's being at the minute...I'm sure it would end up my fault, despite me trying to get him to sort out his DD for it. Hmmmm. Hopefully because he already has £57 on that card that he OP'd by accident so that could cancel out any extra transfer charges...I hope.

Just worked it out....his debt after getting transfered onto my card would be £2460 compared to the £2380 that it is at the moment. Not bad after two transfers really....if it means we won't have to pay £35 quid interest every month! Phew. That will put my CC debt to approx £4060 after this months payment has gone out. But we'll pay off at least £100 per month off it...minimum.

gratefulforhelp_2

twinklie hugs for you and DH. Hope you are being really kind to yourself as it is depressing living with someone who is depressed.

Is there any exercise he enjoys, could you talk him into some of that? I send DH out for a run if I think a meltdown in impending and it does him the world of good. I realise this is not going to fix his grief or a really serious depression, but it may ease it a bit?

twinklie

Belle is usually the best medicine I've found. Walks with her, playing with her and generally bothering the poor wee mite. I've not got dressed yet and have done absolutely nothing other that fuss Belle if that counts as a treat. I'll get back on the "doing" horse tomorrow. I feel like I just need a sit day - I feel really tired.

gratefulforhelp_2

It must be exhausting for you. Can you get DH out for a walk?

cha97michelle

Do you think it links to the grief? Or is he not enjoying the PHD and using this as a reason not to go back? With my depression i found it was events over a large number of years, about 10 altogether, and it has taken a number of lifestyle changes, councelling and tablets to get myself to where i am today.

He needs to talk to you about whether he feels it is just one thing or lots, and if it is that bad then maybe he needs to start with seeing his GP. It must be hard for him living away from you. Don't forget you have all of us when you want to offload.

[Deleted User]

Hugs twinklie
sorry DH is having a hard time and agree it is so important to look after yourself as well through this. I agree with michelle it sounds worth trying to find out how he sees the problem and where it lies (if anywhere) ...it may well be a mix of grief, family stuff (by the sounds of it his mother is a tough one to deal with!) and phd and being apart from you.
but in terms of quick fixes - exercise and eating right and getting enough sleep all important and Ill bet belle is a great way to cheer up!
A trip to the GP may help too as antidepressants can sometimes be just a kick out of the downward spiral too if the Dr thinks it is needed.
Big hugs x

twinklie

We've had a BIG old talk. He will agree to see a counsellor if things aren't improving by the end of next week...pills are a defo no, no though. He's taking Belle out for some birthday girl bonding action on a big run and walk - said he's getting me some vino so I can relax whilst they go though.

We had a lovely healthy tea last night but going for feel good chippy food tonight to treat ourselves. He says he didn't want to leave me and Belle originally and that's why he didn't go back. It's the hols now though so we would be with him anyway. He said he's going to make more of an effort if he can and see where that gets him. He loves his PhD he says (although not the writing up stuff - he hates that), he says he just can't believe she's gone and it's hit him that he'll lose his dad one day. He's got a lot of guilt attached to losing his grandma because he wasn't around much over the last 18 months of her life, what with being down in Wales. He feels like he should have been there more. I think his gran was so proud of him doing his PhD she totally understood. I'm sure she would have liked to see him more, but she always said "you do what you need to do for your family". She classed me and Belle as his family unit and knew we were setting ourselves up to be as comfortable as possible in order to have little ones.

I'm feeling better today and fingers crossed things get better. I'm hoping he'll go back to work next week so I'll get some alone time which is exactly what I need to keep upbeat. I think that's why he's letting me stay home whilst he takes Belle out as well. Belle whom I might add is glued to the TV because there are dancing dogs on BGT! Ha ha.

twinklie

Dh seems much more upbeat today and even tried manhandling me this morning which hasn't happened for a while. As it was I was in the middle of running to the loo and then trying to get down to Belle who I'd just shut in the yard before she started pawing at the door. That said he took my refusal well as well and laughed about Belle and started talking to her from an upstairs window until I could get back downstairs.

He's also been out and done some errands today as well and is now tucked upstairs looking at some work for his PhD. Feels like a break through. So I'm just going to hang out some washing, take Belle for a walk and then clean the kitchen. Feel like I gotta pull my weight! But I feel much happier myself today. I have ordered that book MW suggested though because my library don't have it - and I can pass it on to other people I know that I think might benefit from it as well.

Think we are defo going to Wales tomorrow - DH won't get paid if we don't which could cause untold problems. My ISA has been opened now as well so as soon as I get my log in details I can transfer a little money into it and start trying to build it up again. I'm only planning on adding £100 per month so only £1200 this year but it's better than nothing and adds to my existing ISA which is being transfered into it. Everything else will go to paying off the CC's.

And to make me even happier, just realised that I'll be sub 35K on the mortgage from the start of May! Woo Hoo!

Froggy-G

Glad things are improving..You are taking the right steps, and your DH will surely benefit from it.. He is very lucky to have you..

Froggy