Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

SuziQ

I have said before quite some time ago, that I felt that Mooloo's DS felt very left out and neglected through the whole debacle with his 2 sisters, and I am not surprised he now doesn't want to do anything for his mum: in his own mind, he is justified with his passive/aggressive behaviour, as he feels nothing was ever done for him. He is still immature and selfish-pretty normal for a teenage lad- and will probably feel all his life somehow 'hard done by' until and unless he matures enough to see that Mooloo has had an almost impossible set of circumstances to deal with, which has involved endless decisions, choices and negotiations, not to forget the constant battle with 'professionals' (I use that term with certain reservations, given the way Mooloo has been treated!)to get any sort of help whatsoever. I have worked with young women like Mooloo's twins, and have found being very structured and tough/consistent does work with some of them, nudging them to do more for themselves. Often they still require constant encouragement, however, which can be just as tiring if not more tiring then doing things yourself, whilst a good proportion never change. I don't know which type Mooloo's girls fall into, but in any case neither allows for a restful life for Mooloo.

I would have thought that the types of rubbish Mooloo is finding in her garden (which I imagine are left overs from drug use-'cutting' the drugs?) constitute a serious health hazard and would infringe any lease or rental agreement of any home owner or association. It should therefore be the HA association's responsibility to deal with this matter-asap-and if they don't then I think that they would be liable to legal action. I'm not sure who you would ask about this Mooloo, but sounds to me like the HA (or whomever you rent from) needs to tackle this tuit suite, to avoid a legal action should someone in your family get injured, God forbid!

Lozzy88

Thank you for that, dangerous stuff in that garden of yours i hope you get the help you were promised (regarding SS funding the back garden) sooner rather then later its not a very good position to be in

Savvy_sewing

I understand what you are saying SuziQ. But when ever I spoke, or tried to speak to DS he said that he wasnt bothered. It was only when he got with this friend of his that he started to moan about life etc.
I did consult him, and so did the Social Workers, about his opinion on having DGD with us. I bought DS a moped, I taxed and insured it for him. I supported him in his decision to leave the apprenticeship with his fathers firm, as he didnt like it. I have tried to encourage him to follow his so called heart and work in the Blacksmith trade, but everytime he had an excuse not to do it. I even offered to save up and pay for him to go on a residential course in the trade.
I have driven him all over the place, from Oxford, Leighton Buzzard and Newport Pagnell to see his friends, and before The SS decided that all overnight visitors had to be CRB checked, his friends were allowed to stay when ever he wanted them to.
He didnt miss out on Xboxes, the internet or a computer, a mobile phone, (5 bought for him over the years), and he had what he wanted, a sofa bed that he liked and even named "susan", and a Konnect for his Xbox.
He has been given an allowance to for spending, and i have bought his clothes.
I do not think that this is being hard done by. But maybe he does feel that. Maybe I made the wrong decisions.? Who doesnt in life?
I am not wonderwoman, I am just a normal human being trying to make sure that ALL my family are safe. I am like a female lion, looking after my pride. The only thing is that there is no male head of the pride to help me. Therefore the decisions are mine and mine alone. This can be tough, as any single mother will tell you.
Having two children with disabilities is difficult, but then I wouldnt know anything else would I?
We are give our lot, and we also make our lot. all I am trying to do, is make it as simple, easy and as comfortable as I can for all of mine.

There will be a lot of people who disagree with the way that I have run my life, the way that I have helped, or hindered, my children. The fact that the Apron strings are still there, when in a lot of families that would not be by now.

I notice that it is commented that the girls have houses and are living off of benefits.
Well yes they are, as this is the way that anyone with a child is allowed, its the system.
They are looking for work, they want to work, but they do not get offered a job, as they do not cope with the interview and alas the only job they had was working for McDonalds, and were let go, as they were too Slow.
I tried to keep my family together, and provide for them as best I could, but when my health started to fail, I was no longer, invinsible Mum.
I have made plenty of mistakes, but I am at least able to hold my head up and with my hand on my heart say that I have done what I think was for the best for all of my family.
Their father, where is he? He married someone else, and decided that her child was now his family. She is treated better then his own children. The family feel very let down by him.
My second husband couldnt cope with the twins, and therefore I put the children before my marriage and i left.
Until 2008 I worked all my life. Long hard hours to keep my family together.
So now, yes we have to have benefits, but I am trying to start up a small business and get off of them.
I am still trying, and hoping that we can find work for the twins.
DS has the abilities and I am sure he will mature, and will look for work, as I think he will find something to aspire too. Its just when, he is intelligent, but finds his dyslexia, gets him too frustrated.
Anway this is how I see things today.
Maybe tomorrow I will see things differently.

MatyMoo

Mooloo, I think you have done an amazing job with all your family under very trying circumstances and I think it is a shame that you feel you have to justify your decisions on here.

I think DS is being a typical teenager at the moment and I am sure that when he matures and settles down with a family of his own he will have a better understanding of why you made the decisions you did. It is just a shame it is possibly so far away and, in the meantime, he is doing so little to help you.

As for the twins, you have and are supporting them through thick and thin and have had to help them cope with things that would be difficult if they didn't have the issues they do.

Biggest is going to be a great Mum just by following your lead and her little one has the most amazing crib to sleep in

As for your business, having already been a customer, I know that you will be able to make a success of this as long as your aches and pains allow it.

Never forget Mooloo you are a GREAT Mum and a fantastic Granny :T:j:T

Savvy_sewing

MatyMoo wrote: »

Mooloo, I think you have done an amazing job with all your family under very trying circumstances and I think it is a shame that you feel you have to justify your decisions on here.

I think DS is being a typical teenager at the moment and I am sure that when he matures and settles down with a family of his own he will have a better understanding of why you made the decisions you did. It is just a shame it is possibly so far away and, in the meantime, he is doing so little to help you.

As for the twins, you have and are supporting them through thick and thin and have had to help them cope with things that would be difficult if they didn't have the issues they do.

Biggest is going to be a great Mum just by following your lead and her little one has the most amazing crib to sleep in

As for your business, having already been a customer, I know that you will be able to make a success of this as long as your aches and pains allow it.

Never forget Mooloo you are a GREAT Mum and a fantastic Granny :T:j:T

Thanks mattyMoo.
I am a bit emotional now!:o
DGD is eating her mince and spaghetti, (except its noodles).

I have come away with BF's wallet in my handbag:o Oops. So he said he will come and get it when he needs it. Oops. Good job he put fuel in his car yesterday.
We had a lovely little b-b-q by the river yesterday lunchtime. DGD enjoyed it very much, and the ducks, geese, swans, horses and even cows were all in touching distance. It was a lovely afternoon. One that I will embrace and remember for quite some time.
I am just saddened that life is not always so rosey!
I am hoping to get back to the Business Links person this week. I am awaiting an interview with the Jobcentre Plus people as to what I can and cannot do around my physical problems.

thanks for the vote of confidence with the sewing. I have a few to make now, and will be glad when DGD goes back to Nursery tomorrow, so that I can start to plan what, where, when and how, it will be a wonderful distraction from the hassles of my family life.

jackieglasgow

Mooloo wrote: »

There will be a lot of people who disagree with the way that I have run my life, the way that I have helped, or hindered, my children. The fact that the Apron strings are still there, when in a lot of families that would not be by now.

No one has any right to criticise or question how anyone else raises their family, you have done what you could and what you think is best, as we all do. And not everyone, no matter what they claim, would have taken on DGD even without your physical problems, or being a single parent, you should be very proud of yourself for that.

MatyMoo wrote: »

Mooloo, I think you have done an amazing job with all your family under very trying circumstances and I think it is a shame that you feel you have to justify your decisions on here.

You don't have to justify yourself at all, I am sorry that you feel attacked, I certainly did not read the posts in that manner at all. As for my own post about the skill trade thing, I certainly didn't mean to suggest you hadn't tried with DD's and I am sorry if that is how it appeared, I just thought it sounded like a good idea

floss2

Good luck with Business Link and the Jobcentre people Mooloo. Will be looking out for your bags on Ebay!

Errata

HTH - if you have been told by neighbours that previous tenants (or their relatives) sorted out drugs in the garden for onward sale, and you have already found a significant number of razor blades in one spot in the garden, please phone Environmental Health as a matter of great urgency
.
I know Lambeth isn't your council, but here's info on what Lambeth council environmental health do about drug detritus. They take it very seriously indeed, I'm sure your council will too.
http://www.lambeth.gov.uk/Services/Environment/EvironmentalHealth/PickUpService.htm

Savvy_sewing

jackieglasgow wrote: »

No one has any right to criticise or question how anyone else raises their family, you have done what you could and what you think is best, as we all do. And not everyone, no matter what they claim, would have taken on DGD even without your physical problems, or being a single parent, you should be very proud of yourself for that.

You don't have to justify yourself at all, I am sorry that you feel attacked, I certainly did not read the posts in that manner at all. As for my own post about the skill trade thing, I certainly didn't mean to suggest you hadn't tried with DD's and I am sorry if that is how it appeared, I just thought it sounded like a good idea

I dont think I felt attacked, I just wanted people to know that dispite the way things appear, its not always as black and white as they can think. Obviously its only me that can walk in my shoes, and know what I am dealing with. I appreciate peoples opinions or I would not have opened up my world to the internet.
Without the help from people on here I may never have had the strength to fight at all.

tired_mum

Ahh Mooloo you made me have a little cry just wish i could do more to help you
MatyMoo I think you are jumping the gun here no one is critisising its just we are all different and have different ideas many of us have children/family members with problems and have used certain tactics to everyones advantage
Unfortunatly if you put your private life on the internet then you must as Mooloo does expect questions and comments
I know from personel experience my oldest DD struggles daily with my DS who has ADHD & Aspergers she finds his behaviour sometimes very difficult to deal with and gets very upset and frustrated DD2 can cope better but still finds daily life hard both are glad when he goes away on small breaks as they have time with me and their dad without the constant demands of ADHD/Aspergers dont get me wrong we all love him dearly but sometimes a break to recharge is needed I do worry that the girls have missed out on things as we have always have to have our day mapped out around him but like you have done my best i am sure they will let me know one day what i did wrong