Estranged Son- made for an upsetting Christmas.

Minxz

Wilma33 wrote: »

Are your parents paying him?

For what?
They only gave him his usual christmas money as far as I know.

Minxz

blue_monkey wrote: »

I ampleased he asked after you - definately a step in the right direction. He has probably started thinking long and hard about everything you have done for him and what he is losing without your financial input BUT he has to be the one to make the move - which he has done in his way.

It'll come. He is going to have to find face really, after everything he said to you and it looks like he has made a start. He has probably mentioned it to his mates who have realised he is being a bit childish.



Good luck.

I'm not sure, his girlfriend doesn't text me anymore, yet apparantly she 'had a lovely time laughing & joking' around my parents house last week!
I do feel my mother is rubbing my nose in it, and yesterday she told me that as they keep bringing the subject up they don't want to drive him away from them too, so are not going to mention it again. So my parents are never going to bring me into the conversation, so son gets best of both worlds, ignore those who he wants without getting any talks about it when he visits the rest of the family:mad:

I'm not going to send my Sunday text today- my mum returned all his christmas presents the other day, and I can't bear to sort them out, and I can't bear more rejection.
I texted him happy new year last week, thinking that maybe after the short phone call we could start mending bridges... but no reply.

My daughter went off the rails big time over christmas too, and he knew this, ( re the phone call) so I think it takes a hard person to totally ignore their mum over christmas and while you know she's close to breaking point.

January20

Minxz wrote: »

I'm not sure, his girlfriend doesn't text me anymore, yet apparantly she 'had a lovely time laughing & joking' around my parents house last week!
I do feel my mother is rubbing my nose in it, and yesterday she told me that as they keep bringing the subject up they don't want to drive him away from them too, so are not going to mention it again. So my parents are never going to bring me into the conversation, so son gets best of both worlds, ignore those who he wants without getting any talks about it when he visits the rest of the family:mad:

I'm not going to send my Sunday text today- my mum returned all his christmas presents the other day, and I can't bear to sort them out, and I can't bear more rejection.
I texted him happy new year last week, thinking that maybe after the short phone call we could start mending bridges... but no reply.

My daughter went off the rails big time over christmas too, and he knew this, ( re the phone call) so I think it takes a hard person to totally ignore their mum over christmas and while you know she's close to breaking point.

For your own sanity, and to regain a bit of control over the situation, you should tell your parents that you do not want to hear anything at all about the visits your son and his girlfriends make to them. Otherwise you will keep being hurt over and over again. Your mother should really have a little more comment sense!

I think you have made the right decision over not sending that Sunday text. It's about time your son realised that you are not going to spend the rest of your life grovelling to him so that the 2 of you have a relationship. It will also help cool the situation that you have time with no contact at all, and bring him down a peg or two when he realises that he is not the centre of the (your) universe.

As for him being hard? He is a teenager so naturally self centered and selfish and he also has no experience of being a parent so cannot begin to understand your pain. Don't worry too much about it as hopefully he will eventually mature emotionally.

Fang_3

January20 wrote: »

For your own sanity, and to regain a bit of control over the situation, you should tell your parents that you do not want to hear anything at all about the visits your son and his girlfriends make to them. Otherwise you will keep being hurt over and over again. Your mother should really have a little more comment sense!

I think you have made the right decision over not sending that Sunday text. It's about time your son realised that you are not going to spend the rest of your life grovelling to him so that the 2 of you have a relationship. It will also help cool the situation that you have time with no contact at all, and bring him down a peg or two when he realises that he is not the centre of the (your) universe.

As for him being hard? He is a teenager so naturally self centered and selfish and he also has no experience of being a parent so cannot begin to understand your pain. Don't worry too much about it as hopefully he will eventually mature emotionally.

I think you're wrong. If he was that self-centered he wouldn't have gone to help his sister, or check up on her. To have one child act like this is unlucky, to have two is a pattern. Add to this the fact that the OP's own parents don't agree with her, and I think it's obvious that the OP is responsible for this and that there's something that she's not telling us. I suspect that she will know what this is.

Minxz

Fang wrote: »

I think you're wrong. If he was that self-centered he wouldn't have gone to help his sister, or check up on her. To have one child act like this is unlucky, to have two is a pattern. Add to this the fact that the OP's own parents don't agree with her, and I think it's obvious that the OP is responsible for this and that there's something that she's not telling us. I suspect that she will know what this is.

I take offence to that actually.
there is no 'pattern'... he decided to stop contact when i askjed why he needed money- my daughter decided she wanted to run off with her boyfriend after I banned him from the house after hearing what a shady past he has ( we are not just talking petty crime either), so nothing like each other... and how am i responsible for who my daughter fell in love with?
I never said my parents dont agree with me, i said they are refusing to mention the subject to him again for fear of scaring him off further.. my parents have always 'taken sides' and had favorites since i was little, so that came as no surpriose.

I suggest you don't jump to conclusions, just because I have a parent who values her grandson more than she does her daughter, and my daughter's head was swayed by a lout.
Thank you for your kind support, considering you are obviously a chruchgoer.

red_devil

January20 wrote: »

For your own sanity, and to regain a bit of control over the situation, you should tell your parents that you do not want to hear anything at all about the visits your son and his girlfriends make to them. Otherwise you will keep being hurt over and over again. Your mother should really have a little more comment sense!

I think you have made the right decision over not sending that Sunday text. It's about time your son realised that you are not going to spend the rest of your life grovelling to him so that the 2 of you have a relationship. It will also help cool the situation that you have time with no contact at all, and bring him down a peg or two when he realises that he is not the centre of the (your) universe.

As for him being hard? He is a teenager so naturally self centered and selfish and he also has no experience of being a parent so cannot begin to understand your pain. Don't worry too much about it as hopefully he will eventually mature emotionally.

i agree with this post. Its a two way thing. His loss too.

January20

Fang wrote: »

I think you're wrong. If he was that self-centered he wouldn't have gone to help his sister, or check up on her. To have one child act like this is unlucky, to have two is a pattern. Add to this the fact that the OP's own parents don't agree with her, and I think it's obvious that the OP is responsible for this and that there's something that she's not telling us. I suspect that she will know what this is.

I think you may be confusing the situation of this poster with another poster's situation.

One of this poster children is 22 and wants money but won't say why. The other has fallen for a boy the mother doesn't want in her house. Where is the pattern?

Stephb1986_2

I hope the OP doesn't take offence at what I'm about to say. Sounds to me that both of her kids are spoilt and don't like being told NO, When you disect it the OP's son didn't like being told that he wasn't getting any money off her and also the OP's daughter didn't like being told that she didn't want her BF in the house.

Looks like the OP has been too soft on her kids and they should grow up a bit and realise that the world doesn't evolve around them.

Sorry OP but thats the way I see it.

Steph xx

January20

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I hope the OP doesn't take offence at what I'm about to say. Sounds to me that both of her kids are spoilt and don't like being told NO, When you disect it the OP's son didn't like being told that he wasn't getting any money off her and also the OP's daughter didn't like being told that she didn't want her BF in the house.

Looks like the OP has been too soft on her kids and they should grow up a bit and realise that the world doesn't evolve around them.

Sorry OP but thats the way I see it.

Steph xx

So, since you seem to have so much wisdom, and experience with raising children into perfect adults, what would be your advice to the OP?

huston_kw

Didn't want to read and run.

It must be heart breaking for you but I think you are doing the right thing and taking a step back, hope he sees sense soon.

Big Hugs x