Buyers are camped in our garden over Christmas

an1179

Over to green fingered money saving forum for the Mint Debate

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

greenface

"so billy bob with the knob wants to bones mrs jones"

mostlycheerful

In the night there were lots of strange noises. I wondered what might be going on. Very odd noises, hard to place. Sort of bangs and crashes but also some high pitched whistling stuff, what on earth was that? I squinted at the all night fluorescent clock and it looked like something like 4am but maybe it was 6, or was that 3 or 7. In the dark it was hard to tell.

Mrs S rolled over and rested her arm across my face, the way she does, which, although it often restricts my breathing and makes me sneeze and cough, is a genuine sign of affection. Or at least that’s how I interpret it. My friend said I better watch out in case one day she strangles me in her sleep without even realising it but I told him he was talking rubbish and being silly.

Then the dog started licking my face and I could smell that doggy smell, sort of nice and friendly but also wrong and nasty and diseased and revolting. I tried to shrug it off but it was insistent, maybe it loves me more than I realise. Maybe it’s lonely and I’m the only bit of love that it gets. Mrs S varies from feeding it and walking it and giving it the occasional stroke to rejecting it and calling it a dirty dirty devil boy when it does a poo in the kitchen. So it has mixed feelings and probably only trusts me.

Anyway, the house sale is chugging along, all a bit boring at the moment, none of the solicitors can be bothered to answer any letters or phone calls and I caught up with our main one on the golf course and he shouted fore or four or whatever it was at me and so I respectfully stood to one side while he berated one of the workers for getting in the way and then another one for not putting his golf bats exactly where he wanted them at that moment. All rather odd.

I tried again at the nineteenth hole, as one of the workers told me they call the club house but he was getting rather drunk and showing off and holding court and avidly trying to chat up one of the Romanian waitresses so I could hardly get a word in edgeways.

Mrs S said I should try harder and why haven’t you sorted things out. I told her that I’d been all over the golf course following his Lordship around and that it was hard to get his attention but I don’t think she was very impressed with my explanation or performance.

I took the dog for a walk, a welcome relief from the atmosphere in the house and it was very frisky when it saw a fox.

Then we bumped into Mr Jones and Mrs Jones and our dog went crazy for their dog and vice versa and there was a lot of yapping and barking and such like till we managed to separate them. I saw Mrs S winking at Mrs J but I don’t think she appreciated the gesture.

Mr J was a good sort and started talking about his housing issues. I said, oh yes, is this something to do with all the yokels and squatters in the village and are you the same chap that everyone’s talking about, something about a campervan parked in your drive and lots of people coming and going? He said yes, that’s me, and sorry for any nuisance and I said, no nuisance to me old boy, livens up the village, what, keep up it up old boy, what larks. Were you at Westminster or Oxford? This apparently was somewhat lost on him so I let it drop and bought him a triple whisky which he gulped down as if he’d never seen such a thing before. Top chap I reckon, and I said so to him. His wife gave me some funny looks and I asked Mrs S does that woman have a glass eye on account of the way she kept looking at me but Mrs S said no, that’s just the way some of the inbreds are these days and not to worry about it.

Anyway, Mr J, top fellow, I made so bold as to invite him up to our little corner of England for some snifters and chewing the cud, and to welcome in a newcomer to the village and he graciously accepted so should have some more to report shortly. Mrs S said she’ll do some of her canapes and bites and all that lovely stuff so it should be a goodly little get together and confab.

Toodlepip for now. And TTFN as they say. (Ta Ta For Now).

thejonesfamily

if i only had the imagination cheerful.

bit boring yesterday to be honest. I worked from home, Mrs J sat and read heat Magazine. I am kinda wondering why Mrs J doesnt work, we dont have kids and clearly she is now under utilised around the house...

i dont know but when you have three weeks of day to day drama it is a bit like a night when you flick through the TV and realise Popol Y Cwm isnt on.:(

Anyway, we get our driveway back, the clampetts are on their outing todayn and tonight and I think I will enjoy the peace and quiet of a Friday. I may even call in on the Alan Titchmarsh show later to solve the mint debate.

"Hello Alan, is Dinas subtropical or do I really have mint growing in the valleys"

Could you send Charie Dimmock (minus bra) to come and have a look. Tommy can come but purlease, make sure he wears pants underneath the jogging bottoms. (pet hate!)

Trow

thejonesfamily wrote: »

Could you send Charie Dimmock (minus bra) to come and have a look. Tommy can come but purlease, make sure he wears pants underneath the jogging bottoms. (pet hate!)

HA!! So you *are* in the habit of looking at other men's bits!! Caught you!

(Loving the saga by the way! First time posting on this thread...)

katesmum

Well it has taken me a week to discover and then catch up with this thread............... loving it, please, please, please keep it going!

almond

katesmum wrote: »

Well it has taken me a week to discover and then catch up with this thread............... loving it, please, please, please keep it going!

we could'nt manage without our daily fix please keep this going

SPANIEL36

its taken me all morning to catch up, what a howler with your minute by minute update of the coffin in the camper calamities!!

mostlycheerful

clutton wrote: »

mostlycheerfull... i wondered what your connection to Mr J and his family was - and on checking out your previous posts, i was highly amused by your contributions to a thread called

"Are we afflicted with too many myths about each other - ironic or what...

Thanks, good, glad you find some of my stuff entertaining. And thanks Mr Jones for this screamingly funny stuff and I'm glad you like my additions, maybe this can be expanded a bit and Beamish has added a nice piece as well. As you say, sometimes there's not particularly much happening so perhaps a bit difficult for you to keep all your fans topped up with a whole fresh load of stuff every day. And I believe that what you're reporting is real so if there's not much action then there's not much to say. So if I can also help carry the torch a bit with some made up stuff then great, what a laugh. Yes, I think Mr and Mrs Smith can add an extra dimension. And his Lordship the errant solicitor can make a nuisance of himself from time to time. And there's probably some more people in the village who can enter stage left. Of course when the Clampies are installed and you're just a couple of doors down you'll probably still have lots of stuff happening. Great. So MSE has got it's very own comedy Archers or Corrie. Groovy gravy. Yes, it would be a shame if you wound it up, people are addicted and loving it, you've hit a nerve, and, yes, it could be expanded into a book, a radio serial, a telly soap and maybe even a play for the stage and or a cinema film. Well, if you want. Of course it would be a lot of work and probably less of a laugh having to be all serious about it and that. Anyway, ta muchly, what a great laugh,

All the best
mc

thejonesfamily

hmmm:mad:

i cant get hold of the clampetts on the phone.

At 5pm a lorry turned up. The guy banged on the door and asked for the clampetts as he couldnt get hold of them today. The lorry contains all their worldly goods which they collected from storage at 7am this morning and drove to wales. It appears that the Clampetts in the excitement of eniths passing forgot to inform the removal co that completion date had passed, so now they are unloading the who shebang on the driveway whilst we are no desperately trying to move all our stuff into the bedrooms.

Got to go and finish up, but not amused, how the f we will move out I dont know. I have a feeling we will have to sky plus Pobol y Cwm tonight.

Why is this happening to us and why are they not answering their phone or even have it switched on!!!