Colleague issue

Googlewhacker

Sammyantha wrote: »

There would be some big burly blokes with baseball bats waiting for him outside work, his tyres would be flat, and his windows smashed.

Whilst what the guy did was wrong you surely can't be condining violence and vandalism?

gwen80

I haven't read all the most recent threads properly, but I did notice the comments about it being a wind up. It's definitely not.

I'm definitely single and used to be a regular poster in the DFW board and I post on the MSE forums when I need impartial advice, not when I'm looking to wind people up.

biggaz26

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Perhaps you will be leading the campaign to free these murderers http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-11990646?

One of many problems with this moron justice is that the wrong person could so easily be attacked. The blokes with baseball bats would have to be unknown to their victim. And then there is a serious risk that an entirely innocent person could be crippled for life [remember the morons who daubed a paediatrician's house because they did not now the difference from a peado?]

They killed a man for being gay, not because he was some sort of pervert who probably deserves a bit of a kicking to teach him a leason.

I agree that whilst vigilanty justice is not a great idea in some cases it can do the trick.

G

1984ReturnsForReal_2

gwen80 wrote: »

I haven't read all the most recent threads properly, but I did notice the comments about it being a wind up. It's definitely not.

I'm definitely single and used to be a regular poster in the DFW board and I post on the MSE forums when I need impartial advice, not when I'm looking to wind people up.

Good.

So what do you think you going to do?

& are you all going down the pub @ Xmas & you can see what his behaviour is like whilst drunk?

joolsybools

Report him.

RedSoleShoes

gwen80 wrote: »

I haven't read all the most recent threads properly, but I did notice the comments about it being a wind up. It's definitely not.

I'm definitely single and used to be a regular poster in the DFW board and I post on the MSE forums when I need impartial advice, not when I'm looking to wind people up.

I suppose someone might think it is a wind-up if they are used to do those sort of posts themselves.

Most of us believe you anyway Gwen

gwen80

Thanks Lily

I have better things to do with my time than create threads to provoke people. My company is currently in the middle of a major reorganisation which is also causing a lot of stress at the moment and I'm trying (not doing very well) to concentrate on that, because I have work that I have to do for it by next week and this issue has caused me two sleepless nights and left my brain in a complete tangle.

Nobody would suspect this guy as being capable of this. He comes across as very clever, funny, professional and quite quiet. My reluctance to raise this is also to do with the possibility of me being labelled a troublemaker and/or other male colleagues being very wary around me.

I do feel more upset about it today than I have done. I think the shock is wearing off. I have confronted him about it. I sent him an email asking him if he'd been aware that he was exposing himself. He replied saying 'I wasn't, was I? If I was, it was certainly unintentional' We then had a very brief face to face chat where I said that I wasn't very happy about what had happened. He apologised and said he hadn't intended for it to happen and I said 'But you cannot sit around the office with your **** out'. He said 'I know' and looked quite upset at that point. Then I said 'It needs to stop. That needs to never happen again and the emails and everything. I want it to stop'. I said I didn't want to wreck his life by reporting him, but if he continued, I'd have no alternative. So that is the state of things at the moment

Gwenx

RedSoleShoes

Hopefully that is as far as it goes with him and maybe he has learnt his lesson without you having to go through the whole reporting it thing. Your reluctance to report it is completely understandable. I hope your job gets sorted soon and you maybe won't have to continue working with him.

ellie101

gwen80 wrote: »

My reluctance to raise this is also to do with the possibility of me being labelled a troublemaker and/or other male colleagues being very wary around me.

I do feel more upset about it today than I have done. I think the shock is wearing off. I have confronted him about it. I sent him an email asking him if he'd been aware that he was exposing himself. He replied saying 'I wasn't, was I? If I was, it was certainly unintentional' We then had a very brief face to face chat where I said that I wasn't very happy about what had happened. He apologised and said he hadn't intended for it to happen and I said 'But you cannot sit around the office with your **** out'. He said 'I know' and looked quite upset at that point. Then I said 'It needs to stop. That needs to never happen again and the emails and everything. I want it to stop'. I said I didn't want to wreck his life by reporting him, but if he continued, I'd have no alternative. So that is the state of things at the moment

Gwenx

Gwen, if you report him, it's not your responsibility for "wrecking his life". It's his as it's his behaviour that's caused it.

Up to you, but ultimately he is responsible for what he does and doesn't do, and what happens because of that.

You wouldn't be labelled a troublemaker at all. I bet there are a lot of people who can't stand him anyway... but that's irrelevant, it's what he's done to you.

Do you want to keep working alongside him? As if he's capable of acting the way he has e.g harassing you, then making out it wasn't intentional, he's quite capable of spreading lies about you or continuing to harass others.

It's your choice, but try and think how you'll feel having to work with him on an ongoing basis.

Caroline_a

You need him to know that you do not accept this sort of behaviour at the very least, as if he does take it further, touching, etc, then the classic excuse is 'she encouraged me...'