Colleague issue

whitewing

FATBALLZ wrote: »

You may be doing another woman a favour if you report it too.

Yes, his wife! She'll be well rid of him.

I_know_my_ABC_and_my_CMYK

Surely indecent exposier even in the work place is a police matter.

Just in case next time you have to go near him have a paper clip un bent in your hand and stick in him, he will just so fast everyone will see what he is doing.

My sis in law was sexually harassed for months at a job she had. When it all came out, when she had evidence and had put the complaint in, he had been moved to her place of work because he had done it before.

This time he was sacked.

This man is NOT your friend

shaven-monkey

gwen80 wrote: »

Oh gosh. Just to help me figure this out in my head, what do any blokes think of this?
This was all years ago and soon after he'd joined my department. One day we met up out of work, had a few drinks, ended up snogging, but after that he said he didn't want to take things any further. Do you think any of this history is part of why he is being like this?

Irrelevant.
Years pass.
sexual harrassment followed by indecent exposure.

The first results in disciplinary, the second in police action. You haven't reported either so which boundry do you think he is going to test next?

marleyboy

If he does it again, point and laugh at it, saying in a very loud voice "Is that all you have??? Its no wonder your Mrs is complaining......I can't wait to tell her how right she was!"

Caroline_a

shaven-monkey wrote: »

Irrelevant.
Years pass.
sexual harrassment followed by indecent exposure.

The first results in disciplinary, the second in police action. You haven't reported either so which boundry do you think he is going to test next?

This is so right. I'm fairly sure there have been lots of incidents of 'flashers' going on to rape. Yes, at first thought it's almost a Benny Hill moment, but if he thinks so little of you that you would be amused by that, then, as many of the men on here have said, he has serious issues.

biggaz26

Indecent exposure is a criminal matter and should be reported to managers and Police immediately.

This man is potentially on the start of a cycle which could see him go from 'harmleslly flashing a friend' to 'harmless touching a friend' to 'harmlessly forcing himself onto a friend'.

Unless you actually asked him to 'get his !!!! out' then there is no excuse for this behaviour.

At best he doesnt realise what he has done is wrong, at worst he is a sexual preditor who MAY go on to commit worse vile acts of a sexual nature.

Either way he should be left in no doubt that what he has done is not on!

Thats this mans opinion.

Now ill zip up and move on

G

nzmegs

Regardless of your history you have to realise this is very wrong. But you may want to bear the following in mind. This history you have with him will be brought up if his job is ever in doubt. he will claim all sorts to indicate that you wanted him to do this sort of thing.In fact in his mind he may even imagine that he has the right to do it due to things which happened in the past.

I understand that you may not want to take it any further as your past experience with him may bring your professional conduct at work into question. I would send him an email (keep a copy) telling him it is unacceptable and that you will report him if it continues. You will probably receive an apology and that will be the end of it (and probably the end of your friendship too).

But keep an eye on him and how he behaves around other women. if anything looks dodgy, do warn them.

SandC

That is outrageous. I can't understand why you are not seriously traumatised by it. No friend of mine has ever got his out in any circumstances - as for it being work well that's 10x worse. You are acting like this is just slightly inappropriate instead of being the very serious matter it is.

Problem is if you reported him and he denied it there is no way of proving it - but his name would then be with HR if anything else happened in the future.

I think you need to set the matter straight directly with him. Tell him that if he ever does anything like that again not only will HR be informed but so will the police. It really is that serious.

OrangeProse

In my view, this is very serious and my advice to you would be to report it to HR or your line manager as soon as possible.

Regardless of age or gender, behaviour such as this in the workplace is absolutely unacceptable. Work should be a place in which everyone feels comfortable to go about their business with their colleagues without fear of harassment or bullying (you could argue that what he's done is bullying behaviour as well as the obvious harassment angle), not somewhere where women have to check behind every ficus robusta just in case a colleague's willy has broken loose from its moorings.

The fact that there is an element of 'history' between you is irrelevant, in my view. The social contact between you happened (by the sound of it) many years ago and outside of the work place and outside of work hours so it's none of the company's concern. Besides, even if he did bring it up (and he might) it doesn't deflect from the fact that he exposed himself to you in a highly sexual way. To be honest even if you were married and he did that in the office you could still argue that it constituted indecent exposure.

One thought I had (and I don't know the answer to this) was that if you had the "if you do xxx again I will do yyy" conversation with him, in person or over email, could that be twisted by him to suggest threatening behaviour? In my view it would be best to speak to an HR representative or line manager direct. If you think about it, you already made your displeasure plain to him by walking away when it first happened so having another conversation with him is futile.

One final thought - if you don't deal with it now, he might think that it is acceptable and do it again. And as I said at the beginning, regardless of age, regardless of gender, this is completely unacceptable behaviour.

lucylucky

I think by now you should have realised the general feeling is that he must be reported officially for the benefit of everyone.

He has serious problems if he thinks that it is in some way acceptable to have his erect penis on show in the office.

Take the advice given here. Since there is "history" between you I think you know you need to take it further.


All the best.