Colleague issue

cavework

OP you owe this Guy NO Favours.. What has happened in the past is in the past..
Most male teenagers would know it is totally wrong to expose themselves to a woman .
This is a grown up male
There is absolutely no excuse for this and you have to stop it now.
Tell him straight with a witness .. face to face that if he ever puts you in a postion like this again, including his pathetic emails you will get him sacked and maybe even prosecuted.
Do not feel responsible for this person and do not give him any sympathy.
Show him you cannot be intimidated because I think it may be connected to a control issue he has.
Good luck love and please don't worry.
as for the baseball bat post .. I think it may have been a bit tongue in cheek , but it would be the first thought of any partner who's OH was subjected to this. They would rarely carry it through .. bit like 'I'm gonna kill him'

hippygran

Gwen,
Well done for getting the courage up to confront him, I know it wont have been easy!
I symapthise with the feeling that you may be a troublewaster, but in reality you are not the one causing the problem. HE IS!
It is NOT YOUR FAULT!
Just promise me, if he says or does the slightest thing in future you WILL report him, without hesitation, and I have a nasty feeling that his mind set will be that he got off once, and may well continue.
Keep all evidence so far, because you may need it.
I really hope for you that this will be the end of it, but be prepared for the eventuality that it may not be.
I wish you all the look in the word!

To those who think this whole post may be a wind up, just think on:-
This girl is worried about doing anything about this perv, because she feels she may well get exactly that type of attitude if she does report it!

gwen80

I've just reported him. I feel terrible for probably wrecking his (and my) managers weekend, but I've become increasingly upset to the point that I can't concentrate on my work and I've spent most of this afternoon in tears. I'm gutted it's come to this.

Gwenx

1984ReturnsForReal_2

gwen80 wrote: »

I've just reported him. I feel terrible for probably wrecking his (and my) managers weekend, but I've become increasingly upset to the point that I can't concentrate on my work and I've spent most of this afternoon in tears. I'm gutted it's come to this.

Gwenx

Its the right thing to do

Nicki

gwen80 wrote: »

I've just reported him. I feel terrible for probably wrecking his (and my) managers weekend, but I've become increasingly upset to the point that I can't concentrate on my work and I've spent most of this afternoon in tears. I'm gutted it's come to this.

Gwenx

You didn't wreck his weekend at all. In fact in many ways you are irrelevant to this, as if he hadn't exposed himself to you, he would probably have done it to some other woman in the office. So what happened to him is not your responsibility at all.

Had you seen him exposing himself to one of the work experience girls or to someone not in a position to defend themselves presumably you would have had no qualms at all about reporting him then. Just because you were the victim of his acts on this occasion, doesn't mean it is in any way wrong to report him. In fact you've done the world a favour in sending a loud and clear message to him that actions have consequences.

With a bit of luck he will be suspended pending a disciplinary, then sacked for gross misconduct and you won't ever have to see him again. Then you can start to put this behind you. I've been flashed a couple of times (by strangers in public places not colleagues) and whilst it's not pleasant, it doesn't need to become a long term trauma if you don't let it.

hippygran

Well done Gwen
:T

Believe me I KNOW how hard that was!
You have done the best and bravest thing!

YOU have not ruined anybodies weekend.
HE HAS (including yours) - so try not to worry about him too much!

All the best

Limana68

Well done! Hes an adult=he should know better- I think you have done the right thing!
Where will it end???????? I wonder if its the first time he done it?? Probably not!

Sambucus_Nigra

Limana68 wrote: »

madeaThis man is an adult for gods sake,he should know better- I think you are being far too kind to him-REPORT HIM!
Where will it end???????? I wonder if its the first time he done it?? Probably not!

she did.....

ceridwen

whitewing wrote: »

If it was started as a joke thread (which I can't see that it was tbh) then maybe the best thing to do is to ask for the thread to be deleted and quietly forgotten.

I think in OP's situation, especially if worried about my own job, I would be more inclined to go to the police for advice rather than my employer. Then if she doesn't make a formal police complaint, she still has the option of approaching HR but with the ability to say that she has contacted the police so they will deal with it appropriately from the start.

I don't have experience of this sort of thing though so it kind of works in theory.

Frankly - I cant begin to understand why anyone might even think this was started as a "joke thread".

O.p. IS for real. This is definitely the "feeling" I get from this. I would be angry - if I were her - at anyone even saying it might be a "joke thread". O.P. really IS for real - I can feel her feelings coming through quite clearly - and I fully believe her.

She really does NOT need someone implying that this isnt the case - because it is very clear it IS the case.

ceridwen

gwen80 wrote: »

I've just reported him. I feel terrible for probably wrecking his (and my) managers weekend, but I've become increasingly upset to the point that I can't concentrate on my work and I've spent most of this afternoon in tears. I'm gutted it's come to this.

Gwenx

Well - bl***y good for you gal. You did the right thing - and you know it in your heart of hearts. It cant have been easy - but congratulations to you for that:T