Colleague issue

kelloggs36

I have read this thread and am impressed with how the OP has handled it. I would advise NOBODY to feed the troll any longer - pointless and unhelpful.

sho_me_da_money

hippygran wrote: »

Show-me-da-money

You are obviously clueless, about this type of abuse and the effect it has on the victims psyche.

Your posts are unhelpful, and are now bordering on bullying and harassment towards the OP.

If you don't stop I will report your posts as abuse.

You are not helpful, (and I don't think for one minute you intend to be), you are not funny (though you may have a warped sense of humour and think you are being amusing).

You are just being nasty, and are becoming a pain!

So do us all a favour and crawl back under your rock

The whole point of a public forum is to express an opinion.

I have said nothing that is remotely related to bullying and/or harassment. I have merely expressed my views about how I interpreted this particular situation. The fact that the majority of the subscribers on this thread do not agree with my way of thinking does not mean you can claim I am harassing the OP.

Go ahead and report me if that's what tickles your fancy but you are not going to stop me from expressing my opinion.

MSE AND/OR any other public forum for that matter have rules and nothing I have said breaks them rules.

Again for the umpteenth time, I do not condone the actions that guy did. He did wrong and should be punished for his actions by his employers and the police HOWEVER, I still firmly believe that the OP could have avoided this situation by reporting him to HR from day 1. Had she of done that, we wouldn't be speaking of this today.

Again I pose the question - if this gentleman was someone she did not know and/or was someone she did not have any past feelings for, would she have reported him to HR upon receipt of the FIRST inappropriate email?

I think she would have and THUS avoided this occurrence. The fact that she delayed email after email after email, was an error in judgement and lack of responsibility on her part.

OP - I am really sorry this happened to you and I hope it all works out.

And YES, if this was my mother, sister, or whoever, I would be the same way.

Best regards,

biggaz26

sho_me_da_money wrote: »

And YES, if this was my mother, sister, or whoever, I would be the same way.

Best regards,

Thats not nice!!

Fair enough, I believe everyone has a right to there opinion but sometimes keeping you opinion to yourself is just the best thing to do. Im not saying that you should or shouldnt say what you say. If your happy that the things you have put on here need to be heard by the OP then keep posting. But I think the issue is that you seem to be arguing you case (and arguing it quite well, not that I agree with you) with out concidering the feelings of the op.

It my opinion that when you dont have anything nice to say then dont say it at all. Im sure the OP will have you on ignore now anyway.

I guess it's a difficult situation to judge. If someone posts on a public forum asking for opinions then you will get some you dont agree with . But thats free speech. If we want it we have to take the good with the bad. We can restrict people saying something illegal and we can restict people being deliberately inflamatory (well not all, just look at those groups who choose to demonstrate against out troops) but we can not and should not stop people expressing their opinion in a public forum.....Its part of what used to make this country great.

Not that Im saying I agree with sho but I do support his/her right to free speech in public I just question the decision to use it in this instance.

Having said all of this i hope things a going well for you gwen...Best of luck with it all...I hope he gets what he deserves in my opinion

G

gwen80

sho_me_da_money wrote: »

Again for the umpteenth time, I do not condone the actions that guy did. He did wrong and should be punished for his actions by his employers and the police HOWEVER, I still firmly believe that the OP could have avoided this situation by reporting him to HR from day 1. Had she of done that, we wouldn't be speaking of this today.

Again I pose the question - if this gentleman was someone she did not know and/or was someone she did not have any past feelings for, would she have reported him to HR upon receipt of the FIRST inappropriate email?

I think she would have and THUS avoided this occurrence. The fact that she delayed email after email after email, was an error in judgement and lack of responsibility on her part.

Probably not. One email does not constitute harassment. It needs to occur in at least two separate instances.

I didn't want to post this, but I don't trust the management in my department as far as I can throw them and he is friends with senior managers in my department. If the situation were the same, but a different colleague, I'm still not sure I'd report it because I wouldn't trust for it to be dealt with properly given my previous experience in my department. I think I'd still be looking to leave as my preferred way of dealing (or not) with the situation.

It's all hypothetical though. It wasn't another colleague, it was this colleague and I can't say 100%. It's all very well telling me now what I should have done. I've explained the basics of the situation on this thread, but in reality the situation is far more complex, i.e. my background and the background situation at work. You know nothing of these. I did what I thought was best at the time, that's all any of us can do. I can't now turn back time and do things differently. However, that does not make his behaviour my responsibility.

Regardless of the situation, I would never intentionally expose myself to a work colleague and I have a right to expect the same respect in return.

blue_monkey_2

gwen, really it does not matter, you do not have to justify yourself to him - he is one poster out of the many that have posted here. I know it is hard but add him to your ignore list and if people do not answer or quote him he will go away and bother someone else. You really do not have to justify anything, WE all know you have done the right thing.

I wonder if the young girl he was touching up the day after he exosed himself gave him the come on too. Was that her fault? No, he is just a letch and this time he thought he could take it further. You did the right thing.

I too have been a subject of Sexual Harrassment by my boss - so I had no-one to report it to. The day he grabbed my backside I went home, told my husband I had enough of the job (never told him why he would have HIT the roof) and made some lame excuse and handed my notice in the next day and then got another job elsewhere. Only that is not that easy these days. He probably did it to someone else who worked there.

There will ALWAYS be someone saying it was your fault, it wasn't, ignore those threads and cncentrate on using this thread for the support that you need to get through this.

How have things been at work?

ellie101

blue_monkey wrote: »

There will ALWAYS be someone saying it was your fault, it wasn't, ignore those threads and cncentrate on using this thread for the support that you need to get through this.

Agreed... someone will always saying that. Which is probably why it doesn't get reported as much as it should do.

I worked in an office where lots of inappropriate things were going on (affairs with bosses all over the place, with bosses promoting people they were sleeping with) however they did take sexual harassment cases very seriously when someone said something.

They were heavily unionised, so had to. Yes, people gossiped about the cases but soon moved on. One of these also involved a guy that exposed himself in the office.

And it can happen to anyone. One of the people I know that was harassed was a male friend of mine. He was the union rep for where I worked, everyone respected and liked him as he was very fair and confident with it to everyone at all levels. He rejected the advances of a woman he worked with and she went on to bully him. There was no way he'd encouraged her but initially he was a bit shocked and upset by it all as couldn't work out why it happened. People who do this sort of stuff see whatever they want. It got sorted out eventually but took a while.

Good for you Gwen for doing this, and good luck with it all.

gwen80

Thanks blue_monkey I'm sorry to hear you've been sexually harassed. It's one of those things I didn't think would happen to me and if it did I thought it'd be far more subtle and cleverly done than sending emails via the work email system. I think it just shows how confident he must have been that he could get away with it.

Unfortunately because I'm single, I'm not really in a position to resign from my job. I stupidly bought a house that needs quite a bit of work doing to it, so I have a mortgage to pay and it's not really suitable to be rented out as it is. I work in a reasonably specialised field and it wouldn't be easy for me to find another job in the local area.

Things at work are ok. People are starting to ask where he is. Both me and my colleague, (the one who already knows about it before you ask Mr R *rolls eyes*) keep saying 'I don't know' and so far people seem to accept that.

One of his manager friends gave me a rather odd look yesterday. Not a nasty look, but she definitely knows about it.

I have a meeting on Monday to inform me of the outcome. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it or dreading it... I guess I'll know where I stand better then. I'm worried they might bring him back. He's got a lot of specialised knowledge which the company value and from what I know, he's very good at his job, so I think they may try to save him.

I'd hope he'd be positioned nowhere near me. I'm already very jumpy and nervous about my personal safety, so I wouldn't feel very comfortable with him around. I got a strange phonecall on my mobile yesterday afternoon. They wouldn't tell me their full name or where they were calling from, but they knew my name. That made me very nervous and I asked someone if they'd walk me out to my car. I reported it to the police aswell.

I can't remember who it was (FatVonD??) who said they'd be interested in the context in which the incident happened (something along the lines of 'I would think it wasn't an openplan office - yikes!). It was an openplan office and my colleague (a female) was also present. She didn't witness it though because of the layout of the office and the fact that he was seated (so was she) and I was standing. I didn't exactly shout 'He's got his penis out, he's got his penis out!' and I tried not to make it obvious to him that I'd seen what state he was in. I think she may have noticed my behaviour was a bit odd (she was trying to talk to me afterwards and I wasn't concentrating at all - I was pretty much speechless for a while until I finally became able to mutter a few words in response to her), but she didn't witness the event.

Gwenx

Lozziehotlips_2

People like him should not be able to get away with things like that. Firstly, you could try telling him that if he does not stop you will take it to a higher authority. Secondly, save all the emails as evidence of what he has been doing. Thirdly, are you sure you do not want to report him? Why should he be able to sexually harrass his work colleagues. This is how poeple like him get away with it because nobody wants to do anything about it.

spugzbunny

I'm sorry but there is literally no acceptable time, place , scenario when a man can get his c0ck out in an office! (or a lady her vajayjay).

I'm sorry if my arguement was not imaginative enough FatVonD but I didn't think it needed to be! When on earth is that acceptable? If if I had gone up to a man and said 'you, you are well fit - lets go out and get drunk than shag like bunnies' I would still be a little surprised if I went past his desk later and he was knocking one out! It's just not sane!!

Errata

Good luck Gwen and best wishes. Just keep reminding yourself that all flashers are weirdos.