Colleague issue

hippygran

hello Gwen,
Hope all went well yesterday.
Keep on being strong
Hippy Gran X

FatVonD

spugzbunny wrote: »

I thought the school of though of 'she brought it on her self dressed like that' died out in 1960.

It was inevitable that, the minute someone questioned Gwen's actions, someone would trot out this line. I'm sorry but that's a lazy response, by all means disagree but put some thought into it.

Personally I'd argue to the death a woman's right to say 'no' in any given situation but there's a big difference between a 'no' delivered with a sneer of disgust followed by a cold shoulder and 'no' followed by 'Did you see EastEnders last night and where shall we go for lunch?' (Or whatever form their friendship took.)

Treating him like an annoying, over-excited schoolboy (I can't remember the exact words) has given him tacit permission to carry on acting like one though I agree that absolutely nobody could expect that Gwen could have forseen what would happen (let's face it, it takes a massive rush of s**t to the brain to get from suggestive email to exposing yourself.)

Do I think Gwen is to blame? No.

Am I just a teensy bit less surprised that it happened than if she'd dealt with it differently. Yes.

I'd actually be interested to know in what context it happened. I'm assuming it's not an open plan office (yikes) and that he has his own office. Gwen says it was 'out' (not that he 'got it out when she walked in'), had he emailed Gwen to ask her to bring the papers at that particular moment or could he have been having a 'private' moment or maybe photographing it to send to his wife (or whatever you young folk get up to nowadays Don't get me wrong, I'm not excusing him, he's still a scum bag who deserves everything that's coming to him, but there could be another reason.

PS For what it's worth, I'm not unsympathetic to Gwen's plight, if anything I think their 'previous' has made the whole situation far more stressful for her. If it were somebody she had no connection with at all she wouldn't be feeling remotely guilty at reporting him.

RosaBernicia

FatVonD wrote: »

there's a big difference between a 'no' delivered with a sneer of disgust followed by a cold shoulder and 'no' followed by 'Did you see EastEnders last night and where shall we go for lunch?'

It's still no, even when it's no thank you. It shouldn't be necessary to imply disgust, or reject friendship - that would be gratuitously insulting.

Rosa xx

poet123

Hindsight is a woderful thing.

Most women try to minimise the effect of a brush off of a colleague as they have to continue working with them. Done in a less than harsh manner most of us expect the men involved to take the hint and behave, if they do not we cannot be blamed for being "kind". Regardless of any past history who could have expected him to expose himself at work?

We all deal with situations as we see fit at any given moment, we can alll second guess ourselves afterwards if things do not pan out as we envisaged but it does little good. All we can do is act in good faith and hope others do likewise, if they do not we have to then go down a road we would wish to leave untravelled, that is not our fault.

Good luck OP.

gwen80

Hi

I postponed my police statement to yesterday. I wanted to think things through a bit more. I wanted to be sure that I was doing it for the right reasons. I know I am, but I don't want to regret any decision I make. I spent 3 and a half hours yesterday giving a statement, which was hard going, but it's over with. I've got to wait to hear from the investigating officer now.

I'm really struggling to sleep. I'm worried about what will happen and what people will say when/if this all comes out. People at work gossip a LOT. I don't really want to be known as 'sexual harassment girl' or whatever nicknames they can come up with.

Gwenx

lucylucky

gwen80 wrote: »

Hi

I postponed my police statement to yesterday. I wanted to think things through a bit more. I wanted to be sure that I was doing it for the right reasons. I know I am, but I don't want to regret any decision I make. I spent 3 and a half hours yesterday giving a statement, which was hard going, but it's over with. I've got to wait to hear from the investigating officer now.

I'm really struggling to sleep. I'm worried about what will happen and what people will say when/if this all comes out. People at work gossip a LOT. I don't really want to be known as 'sexual harassment girl' or whatever nicknames they can come up with.

Gwenx

You will be praised for what you have done, rightly so.

1984ReturnsForReal_2

gwen80 wrote: »

Hi

I postponed my police statement to yesterday. I wanted to think things through a bit more. I wanted to be sure that I was doing it for the right reasons. I know I am, but I don't want to regret any decision I make. I spent 3 and a half hours yesterday giving a statement, which was hard going, but it's over with. I've got to wait to hear from the investigating officer now.

I'm really struggling to sleep. I'm worried about what will happen and what people will say when/if this all comes out. People at work gossip a LOT. I don't really want to be known as 'sexual harassment girl' or whatever nicknames they can come up with.

Gwenx

Well done.

Dont forget the fact he may be mentally ill so it might not come to much with the Police.

WeakHeart

It will be hard at times and it is the kind of thing that people won't be able to resist having a gossip about. You have done the right thing. Just think how you may have felt had you not taken this further, or worse if he committed a similar or worse act in the future.

Every action has a consequence. Whatever the background of all of this, ultimately he would have been well aware that there was a risk in doing what he did. Yet he chose to do it anyway. This is what you have to remember and why he is accountable for any repercussions. Not you.

Caroline_a

You have done the right thing, and anyone who doesnt think so, well it's their problem not yours. You have been brave and stood by your principles and I for one think you've done totally the right thing.

whitewing

Whatever happens it is on record now, and that's a good thing. You have done the right thing. If someone I knew had done that I would be admiring your bravery, and thankful that I hadn't been put in that situation.

Take care, gwen.