Colleague issue

evespikey

Just wanted to leave a message to say that you were Really brave and well done for reporting this! It's shows your strength of character and you will be helping yourself, him, and others in the long run. Well done, you did the right thing, and I'm proud of you.

You absolutely Weren't responsible for his behaviour, his exposure to you was indecent exposure and deviant behaviour, behaviour one should have learnt As a child, that was not acceptable. It shows that he most probably has mental and sexual deviant behavioural disorders in order to do something like this, and it is so common that cases like this, left unreported, lead to repeat offenses of a serious nature. Don't listen to anyone who hints that you encouraged it or because of your former friendship it is your fault. This is utter rubbish, and remember, most rapists have a relationship with their victims! (i.e. they are not strangers). You're absolutely right, his behaviour is not your responsibility and you are in No way to blame for what he did!

It's good you have contact with victim support, you may not feel like a victim as such, and it's not a brilliant label, but knowing that you have that connection might just give you a bit more piece of mind, and you can't put a price on your piece of mind!

hippygran

Gwen,
A resounding WELL DONE!
I am proud of you!
I would think any right-minded person will applaud you (even your work colleagues!)
Just try and put it behind you now, secure in the knowledge that you have done exactly
the right thing.
If in doubt, just think of this :
How would you have felt if you hadn't taken action, and this idiot went on to do something
even worse, maybe not even to you, but possibly to someone else?
This is quite often the case if this kind of offender is not stopped in their tracks, as often
they have a problem seeing that their actions are wrong, and progress (and worsen), until they
are apprehended.
Best of love to you, am thinking of you at the moment, as I know how rough it can be.
Hippy gran
X

ceridwen

gwen80 wrote: »

Hi

I postponed my police statement to yesterday. I wanted to think things through a bit more. I wanted to be sure that I was doing it for the right reasons. I know I am, but I don't want to regret any decision I make. I spent 3 and a half hours yesterday giving a statement, which was hard going, but it's over with. I've got to wait to hear from the investigating officer now.

I'm really struggling to sleep. I'm worried about what will happen and what people will say when/if this all comes out. People at work gossip a LOT. I don't really want to be known as 'sexual harassment girl' or whatever nicknames they can come up with.

Gwenx

Congratulations that you've done it now - whew...3.5 hours worth. Good for you for sticking at it. Its understandable - indeed commendable - that you wanted to take the time to be quite sure in your own mind of the way to go on this.

People at work gossip a lot everywhere - unfortunately thats life...and if they have nothing better to occupy their minds with than "gossip" then I pity them (and I think thats the best attitude for you to take as well if the "gossips" start up).

Anyway - IF the "gossips" DO start - then...who knows...the vast majority of them might turn out to be "on your side" anyway. There will always be one or two who simply can't or won't "see things as they are". That happens everywhere - and has happened on this thread...but just take it that if someone cant see the truth of the matter then that reflects a lot more on them than on you (ie they are probably not a very nice person - so why worry about them...).

Take care.

EDIT: On a side issue (from your POV) - it is just as well for his wife to find out early on in her marriage what her husband is REALLY like. She would have found out someway/somehow in the future anyway - but at least she will find out now before doing anything as "permanent" as having children by him...She would be so much worse off if an episode like this happened in, say, 10 years time and she had had 2 children by him by that point. This way - no children come into it...which is a blessing.

RacyRed

gwen80 wrote: »

Hi

I postponed my police statement to yesterday. I wanted to think things through a bit more. I wanted to be sure that I was doing it for the right reasons. I know I am, but I don't want to regret any decision I make. I spent 3 and a half hours yesterday giving a statement, which was hard going, but it's over with. I've got to wait to hear from the investigating officer now.

I'm really struggling to sleep. I'm worried about what will happen and what people will say when/if this all comes out. People at work gossip a LOT. I don't really want to be known as 'sexual harassment girl' or whatever nicknames they can come up with.

Gwenx

Respect Gwen. You have been very brave.

Don't lose sleep over what people might or might not say, their main topic of conversation is likely to be him, and how they always thought he was a bit *odd* or whatever. Try hard to keep your own council and if people persist in asking for details, tell them firmly that you did what you did after a lot of thought and at a high cost to yourself, but that you have been asked not to say more than that.

sho_me_da_money

I still think you have some responsibility in this. You should have reported him a long time ago. Delaying it will most definitely come into question.

ceridwen

Spoke too soon - with my hopes that Sho-Me-Da-money had stopped making his ever so helpful (NOT) comments on this thread.

Two lawyers have made their views on this quite plain - and if its good enough for a lawyer (or two) - then its good enough for the rest of us.

wantsajob

gwen80 wrote: »

Sexual Offences Act 2003:

Exposure

(1)A person commits an offence if—

(a)he intentionally exposes his genitals, and

(b)he intends that someone will see them and be caused alarm or distress.

Does it say anything about he also meaning she? Just wondering if it's not specifically illegal for women to expose their down belows. I am sure it happens less often, and men are less likely to be offended, but suspect it must have happened at some point.

zzzLazyDaisy

sho_me_da_money wrote: »

I still think you have some responsibility in this. You should have reported him a long time ago. Delaying it will most definitely come into question.

Okay, you are starting to annoy me now.

You have no knowledge or experience of the law relating to sexual harassment and/or discrimination in the workplace. If you did, you would know that Gwen's failure to report earlier e-mails has absolutely no bearing on the fact that this man exposed himself in a public place.

A reading of your various threads about your run-ins with your employer illustrates how clueless you really are when it comes to matters relating to employment law.

This is not a theoretical discussion, it concerns real people and real lives. You do not know what you are talking about, so please do the decent thing and back off.

Nicki

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Okay, you are starting to annoy me now.

You have no knowledge or experience of the law relating to sexual harassment and/or discrimination in the workplace. If you did, you would know that Gwen's failure to report earlier e-mails has absolutely no bearing on the fact that this man exposed himself in a public place.

A reading of your various threads about your run-ins with your employer illustrates how clueless you really are when it comes to matters relating to employment law.

This is not a theoretical discussion, it concerns real people and real lives. You do not know what you are talking about, so please do the decent thing and back off.

I don't think he's posting because he's trying to be helpful to be honest. There is a male poster who pops up on every post on female hygiene products on the health thread with inappropriate offensive comments, anc I think the same thing is happening here. I'd urge everyone therefore just to ignore and not react to anything shomedamoney posts on this thread from now on, and particularly urge Gwen to put him on ignore because I think that any reaction to what he says is giving him the gratification he has come here seeking. Sadly the Internet does have its share of sad inadequates who get their thrills out of the most unlikely things

abby1234519

sho_me_da_money wrote: »

I still think you have some responsibility in this. You should have reported him a long time ago. Delaying it will most definitely come into question.

In all politeness, you're not helping this girl to get through what has happened. Its done.

Leave it out