Colleague issue

gwen80

Dumbstruck.

I had a phone call from the investigating police officer yesterday morning saying that 'Mr F' was going to be interviewed under caution this morning. I've had a phone call this afternoon from the same police officer telling me that he's denied it. I can't believe it.

Apparently he was accompanied by a lawyer. The police officer seemed to think he may have been advised to deny it. He was informed that if he admitted it, he'd only receive a caution, but he still chose to deny it. The police officer thinks he is trying to protect his job and future job prospects. I can't believe he's sat there and denied it.

The police officer is now going to contact HR at work to see what information he can get from their investigation.

If the CPS take it forward, a court case looms. I had been hoping this might all be over in the next couple of days and I was going to take my Mum on holiday, this has been a nightmare for both of us, but now it looks like it won't be over for a good while yet. I'm now really worried that he will have denied it to HR and they'll believe him.

Gwenx

Sambucus_Nigra

Gwen - you have an email from him admitting it, don't you?

gwen80

I emailed him saying 'I have to ask, but when I passed you the document in the office yesterday evening, did you realise you were exposing yourself?'

He replied saying 'No! I wasn’t was I?! How? I’m sorry if I was, it certainly wasn’t intentional!!'

I replied saying 'Err, yes you were. Out of your jeans.'

He replied saying 'I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to be…'

Most of that is copied and pasted directly from the email (which I have forwarded onto my personal email account). I've just replaced the actual name of the document with 'the document'. I'm trying to protect my anonymity, but it's getting increasingly difficult.

Errata

Well, some blokes go commando, some blokes forget to shut the garden gate. Vanishingly few do both at the same time as they usually notice the draught.

Nicki

I don't mean to be anything less than supportive, but the email you have quoted is very far from being an admission. On face value it is in fact a denial, or at least denies intention to expose. I don't doubt that he did do what you allege, but that email isn't going to be of any help to you in proving it.

ceridwen

gwen80 wrote: »

I emailed him saying 'I have to ask, but when I passed you the document in the office yesterday evening, did you realise you were exposing yourself?'

He replied saying 'No! I wasn’t was I?! How? I’m sorry if I was, it certainly wasn’t intentional!!'

I replied saying 'Err, yes you were. Out of your jeans.'

He replied saying 'I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to be…'

Most of that is copied and pasted directly from the email (which I have forwarded onto my personal email account). I've just replaced the actual name of the document with 'the document'. I'm trying to protect my anonymity, but it's getting increasingly difficult.

You have your evidence - so just hold onto that thought. I would take the words "I'm sorry - I didnt mean to be" as an admission of guilt and I would hazard a guess most people would do so in fact.

I expect both the police and H.R. have been quite prepared to have him tell a pack of lies and say that he didnt do it. It would be rather surprising in the event if he HAD "held his hands up" and admitted it. Its come as a bit of a shock to you to find he is now lying - but thats life. You have the evidence that hes lying - and that is what matters.

Obviously he will be concerned to protect his job (particularly in the current economic climate) - but I would hazard a guess that he might be even more concerned to protect his marriage. Its a very "new" marriage and he has likely told his wife about this - but told her a pack of lies to try and protect that marriage. He will be concerned about the marriage itself and it may be that they have joint financial arrangements (eg a mortgage) that he is also trying to protect. The last thing he wants is for his wife to walk out on him and, in the process, force a house sale on him (assuming they own their own house rather than renting). I expect he has parents and maybe some "decent" friends who are also likely to be shocked at his behaviour - hence another reason for him to lie.

He has a lot to lose - and, right now, he sees it as the best way to protect himself from the fallout from his own actions is to lie. The police arent stupid - nor are H.R. They will realise that he can see a lot of reasons to lie - and hence the likelihood that he has done just that. They were probably expecting him to do so in fact.

Whatever trouble he gets into for this - he has brought it on his own head. Dont ever forget that fact.

Stay strong.

blue_monkey_2

He has everything to lose if he admits this gwen, his wife, job, self respect, in turn his home and wage. Yes, it is his fault but he was always going to deny it, it'll be your word against his. And as for 'sorry, I did not mean to be' they'll see through that completely!!

Plus you have the emails that he sends you asking you personal things so he has always been a letch before he got his d!ck out.

gwen80

Nicki wrote: »

I don't mean to be anything less than supportive, but the email you have quoted is very far from being an admission. On face value it is in fact a denial, or at least denies intention to expose. I don't doubt that he did do what you allege, but that email isn't going to be of any help to you in proving it.

Why apologise for something you didn't do?

How do you expose yourself unintentionally?

RosaBernicia

Hi Gwen

First hugs, will be thinking of you tomorrow.

I think what others have said so far is right - he has a lot to lose here and will try to weasel out of it. You still did the right thing. And I suspect both HR and the police would have gently let you know if they thought you didn't have a strong case.

Re. the holiday, would've thought that could be a good idea. When things are a little clearer, ask the police if it would be a problem if you were away for a specified period of time. If they know when you're away, it might be possible to schedule round it.

Rosa xx

gwen80

Thanks Rosa. I have high blood pressure anyway, but I can physically feel it must be pretty high at the moment, I'm really tense to the point I ache and if I sleep tonight it'll be a miracle. I think the last time I managed to sleep properly was before New Year. I went out with a few friends last night and I freaked out when a bloke tried to talk to me, turned and walked off away from my friends. I wanted to go out with a sign that said 'Men - do not approach'. I just cannot cope with being around men I don't trust and even then I'm very wary.

Obviously not all men are like him, but clearly I'm not very good at spotting them.

Gwenx