Who pays what in your house?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Just want to see what others think of this.
OH is on a low wage. I’m on a decent wage but only work PT (although I earn more than OH per Hour, he actually brings home more a month as he does more hours)
When he moved in we agreed to split certain bills and 50/50 on groceries etc. Now the bills were decided as “what we both use” so rent, council tax, gas/elec, sky, tv licence, house phone, net, contents insurance, and water rates are paid equally – My car insurance etc i pay for (he doesn’t drive, I’ll get to this one!). He currently gives me £280 a month for bills, and because he cannot budget he pays me groceries at end of month (he also borrows money) so as it stands, today, he owes me this month’s rent (1st dec – 31st dec) and £255 of what he owes (some is groceries, some is when he’s wanted to go out and I’ve lent him the money as he currently has none until pay day)
Now – He works Monday – Friday. I take him to work Mondays and Fridays and i pick him up from work every single day (this is out of my way) My dad takes him to work Tuesday – Thursday (just takes him, remember, I pick him up) and he gives my dad £10 for this (gives me £0)
He’s kicking off today because I’ve told him I want the rent paying but I will hold out for what he owes and told him the amount. I've said i'll wait for the rest he owes because his mum gets married on 30th dec and he’s skint (btw – His mum’s wedding is costing us £120 for 2 nights in a hotel ,£80 petrol there and back, not to mention spending money – which I guess I’m paying, he hasn’t mentioned about going halfs etc) I've already brought the wedding present (not asked OH for any money towards it)
OH’s kicking right off! Says he doesn’t think its fair that he pays half for groceries because I always by toiletries he doesn’t use (sanitary, deodorant etc) and he’s now decided that the iron he brought the other month (for the record, I had a steam generator iron, he broke the steam generator bit but the iron was still heating up and was useable, I was quite happy using that one till it died but he went and spent £200+ on a iron!!! I wasnt with him when he brought it, didnt know he was getting one and never had a say whether i wanted it or not) He never asked if I was paying half until he realised how much he owed me and now he’s insisting I pay half for an Iron (I didn’t want) and half for a coffee machine (that I didn’t want – he brought it before he even lived with me! – we were meant to go halves on the actual coffee capsules, they’re £50 a pop for 50 capsules but I seem to end up paying for these! - DONT GET A NESPRESSO - Not very MSE!)
I worked it out – He pay’s £280 a month and I pay £577.23 (petrol, car insurance, catalogues, mobile etc plus joint bills) This isn’t including DD’s Nursery fee’s (I get WTC and CTC contributions and ex pays rest of this instead of maintenance)
Sorry this is ranted and probably doesn’t make much sense – So annoyed. Am I wrong in wanting him to pay half of certain bills and half the groceries?

JodyBPM

I think you just need to sit down and sort the money out better! It sounds a bit crazy with you loaning him money, him paying you certain amounts for this, that and the other!

If you are truely a partnership and a family, does it not just make more sense to work out how much the TOTAL cost of running the household is per month, and then see what is left for each of you to have for "spends". Keep the spends in your sole accounts, and transfer the rest monthly by direct debit (the day after payday, so it can't get spent!) into a joint account that is used for all living expenses.

I always find the I pay for this/you pay for that, passing £200 here, and £100 back there, a bit strange when you are a partnership? But I do think that each of you should have a small (the same) amount of personal spends that you can choose what to spend it on!

MX5huggy

eBay the coffee machine and go back to a cafeteria.

runninglea

I don't understand all this I pay for this bill, whilst you pay rent but this month bills are £50 for than rent therefore you owe me.

It is all very confusing and must lead to arguments, would a joint account where you bot put in a set amount not be better. If anything unforseen occurs then this can be paid out of this account.

balletshoes

i think at least the car road tax and diesel/petrol costs need to go into your joint household bills pot, as having the car is benefiting your OH as well as you.

sueeve

If you've got a cafetiere use that. If he wants the capsules he can buy some. life was much easier when people just got married and shared. We never had any of the 'yours' and mine. Never had a lot of money either, but we got by by being careful together. There seems to be the need for a radical shake up here. I agree with the sugestion of a shared ac for bills, food etc, and a single account for each of use for personal use. I don't get the car bit. If he never sits in it, and it is never used for the daughter (of both of you? ) and it is never used to get to work so that you can contribute your bit to the family finances maybe he has a point. Perhaps you should be charging him a taxi rate.His attitude means that you can say 'it is mine and I will not share'. Do not pay for the iron, use your old one, and when he does the ironing he can use his. Then in 10 years you can sell it as brand new.
added
Missed the fact that she is not his, but still, all the rest counts.

INT1

£1 per capsule, I pay about 27/28p a capsule and have have a Nespresso.

Sounds like someone is unhappy if he starts counting everything. The steam generator irons are brilliant aren't they

shelley_crow

I suggest that if he doesn't like paying his way then he knows where the front door is. A flat by himself would cost him considerably more. I couldn't be doing with someone so petty.

Our bills get paid out of our joint account, where all our income goes in. It's not my money or his money, it's ours. We find this easier but understand that this wouldn't be the answer for everyone.

MillicentBystander

sueeve wrote: »

If you've got a cafetiere use that. If he wants the capsules he can buy some. life was much easier when people just got married and shared. We never had any of the 'yours' and mine. Never had a lot of money either, but we got by by being careful together. There seems to be the need for a radical shake up here. I agree with the sugestion of a shared ac for bills, food etc, and a single account for each of use for personal use. I don't get the car bit. If he never sits in it, and it is never used for the daughter (of both of you? ) and it is never used to get to work so that you can contribute your bit to the family finances maybe he has a point. Perhaps you should be charging him a taxi rate.His attitude means that you can say 'it is mine and I will not share'. Do not pay for the iron, use your old one, and when he does the ironing he can use his. Then in 10 years you can sell it as brand new.
added
Missed the fact that she is not his, but still, all the rest counts.

I suppose this may prove a controversial thought but IMO what's the point of getting married/living as a couple if you don't have a joint account in which BOTH your incomes go in to and you pay for everything from that? We have been married over 28 years and there have been times when one of us was earning more than the other (and times when one of us wasn't earning at all) but it never mattered because our household income is just that - our household income, full stop. We used to have friends who were married but kept their money separate and we would often witness (publicly) an argument along the lines of one said the other owed them £1 and the other denied it. Yuk. Demeaning. Embarrassing. We don't keep in touch.

Morgan_Ree

It does sound very 'his and mine'
Would you consider a joint account? Or even if you don't want a joint account a seperate account which you both pay into to make it 1 whole amount rather than a % of this and that.
All sounds like one big headache!

[Deleted User]

200 quid for an iron? What? My iron cost 25 quid 5 years ago and still does a great job

I agree with sueeve - me and the wife don't really consider anything 'mine' or 'yours' .. we've both got separate savings and current accounts .. yet its all 'ours', we're just not organised enough to put it all in one place.

I pay for: mortgage, car payments, council tax, gas, electric, water, internet, phone, sky, my mobile phone, take-aways, my train pass

Wife pays for: petrol, food and groceries, toddlers clothes

But its not a strict division; i'll often buy petrol and pay the bill at the supermarket. I won't 'lend' my wife money, i'll give it her. We'll pay for holidays and presents out of our savings, but it doesn't really matter who's (unless it's from my 'save up for the cost of buying a house fund'.. that doesn't get touched).

Your OH sounds a bit rubbish with money though. Who buys an expensive coffee machine, doesn't ask their OH before buying it, then expects them to share the cost?