Real life MMD: Should I go to the Christmas lunch?

londoner1998

satori wrote: »

I don't have that issue: I know my colleagues don't want my presence, so I am not attending.
When I started on my current job, more than 2 years ago, I tried to attend the Xmas party (it was paid for by the company then; now we have to pay). I arrived at the restaurant's door just behind two colleagues (manager + director) who glared at me, and slammed the door right into my face. :mad:
In the previous days, people had made jokes in the line of 'if you go to that restaurant, they'll think you're one of the waiters' etc. because I am a foreigner, and in the UK, most waitressing jobs are manned with foreigners.
For Xmas itself, I don't have enough money to travel anywhere, so I'll probably join a couple of my foreign colleagues, who are also rejected. We all have to pay for rent, so we'll be cooking together a cheapish, healthy meal! None of us are heavy drinkers either, so that's great: when I try to join my British colleagues at the pub, I have to spend several hours watching them get drunk, and it's not really interesting.:(

Satori

I see where you are coming from... I don't drink much either and I get very bored and uncomfortable watching my work colleagues getting hammered...however, I think it is appalling that they treat you in that way just because you are not from here. I emigrated here 12 years ago and have been in similar situations- now I know better and I would make sure my Union rep knows about that kind of behaviour! Shocking
I can't believe they make those kind of comments- what kind of company do you work for? You have my sympathies...

John_Pierpoint

The English have what appears to be a nasty streak of "extracting the Michael" from their colleagues - they do it to each other not just to foreigners.

The middle aged "lads" who present "TopGear" on the TV are a good example.

The best way to deal with it is not to get upset but keep smiling through and even act up as a caricature of the point they are niggling at.
Tell jokes against yourself.

I'm not quite sure what drives it - it is certainly part of the "tall poppy" syndrome, intended to make sure people don't get too full of themselves. I appreciate that someone, without a quick command of the language, is going to find it difficult to give as good as they get.

It is a sort of testing behaviour and if you survive it, you will eventually be accepted as having a role in the pack.

Everyone in the UK has been an immigrant at some time in history - it wasn't a very nice place to live when it was covered in a sheet of ice sliding out of Norway.

Come to think of it we are all related to three women that came out of Africa - don't worry about it my grandmother must have been the ugly one.

raddyantic

It sounds like you're being a bit tight and 'can't afford' anything even though you have a job, and you worry about every minute detail (I have a friend like that)!! Choose between the two. The most important thing in theory here is the relationship (i'm presuming you're in a good relationship and been together for a while) so going to his dad's is the best solution. There will l be other chances to socialise with your work colleagues (and the buzz of the work night out disappears the next day and is forgotten about as somoen has pointed out on here). So try and build up relationships while in work to help you settle in, this will inevitabily lead to invites out of work for other more cheaper social gatherings - i.e. casual after work etc.

Also people have said on here that to simply say to your work colleagues 'you can't afford it'. I don't think this is a good idea at all as the saying goes 'sometimes the truth isn't good enough'. As you are trying to make a good impression as you have just joined the company you don't want to come across to people as 'poor' in a public sphere - personal financial troubles and strife should be kept private. So tellign the truth on this occassion isn't the right thing to do I feel - like if you dump someone you rarely tell them the real harsh truth why.