Real life MMD: Should I go to the Christmas lunch?

Dream1

In the case of both the lunch and Boxing Day, it all depends on how much you want to go anyway and how strapped for cash you actually are. If you don't really want to go to either or both then don't go - end of! If you really do want to go then remember that these are only annual events and are usually memorable for all concerned. None of us have enough money at Christmas but we usually manage to find that bit extra in order to celebrate with others. Life is short, you never know what is 'round the corner'. If you want to go find the money and enjoy yourself.

debtdesperado

I think it depends on how much you earn within your organisation and how hard you negotiated up your joining salary... :rotfl:

Personally, I think you are new, you need to get to know your colleagues as it will make your job easier and it's important to embed yourself as fast as possible in the team. Christmas lunch is the easiest way to do that. Not going sends a negative message to everyone, not just management, it says 'I don't want to socialise with you, and I'm not very friendly'. Simple as that.

If you are pretty junior, go and sound out a senior manager mentioning that you think it's quite steep - you never know, they might tell you that actually the tradition is that the CEO pays for the food, or even that very junior staff don't pay (both situations I have encountered, but it was only as I was sitting there at the end of each meal thinking oh my god, I hope my card goes through, that it was mentioned!).

If you are a bit more senior, or you earn a good salary, I'm afraid you just have to suck it up and go. Saying that you can't afford it doesn't look good and you will either taken to not be a team player, not very friendly, or to have a terrible debt/gambling problem (neither of which suggest that you are very responsible) or else you will seem like the world's biggest skinflint.

I'm part of the senior management, but my dirty secret was the awful amount of debt I was servicing (now paid off) which meant my standard of living was way below what it 'should' have been. I think you have to speculate to accumulate, so budgeting for xmas work socials had to be factored in. Plus you can't be a complete skinflint otherwise you will start to lose friends, and you do deserve the odd treat!

The other solution, of course, is to get involved in organising it, so you can put your skinflint ways to good use and help them negotiate the price down (or at least, free meals for the organisers!), plus you will look really enthusiastic and a real team player.:A

stmartinsdiver

What a lot of fuss about something so trivial - "Sorry but will not be able to join you" in the first instance - if asked "Why not" then "I cannot afford it". End of story.

antonia1

It depends how skint you actually are. If you would have to borrow money, then don't go. If you'd have to give up a night out with friends then you probably should go.

CheapAsChips_4

Join them for the meal but take packed sandwiches instead ;-)

pennypinchUK

In my experience of staff Christmas outings, the benefits of being seen to socialise with your colleagues at the party lasts about half a day after everyone returns back in the office the next day. After that, people forget who was there. That's if they remember at all after pouring back copious amounts of drink. So I'd not feel obliged to go to the outing. And that's being consistent with your decision not to go to your other half's dad's.

jgriggle

It's best to be up front and just say that you'd love to go but as you're not long into the job your finances are still settling down and so just can't afford it.

Your boyfriend wouldn't be too happy if you couldn't afford the train fare to see his Dad, but you could afford £25 for a meal.

However, you don't want to be seen as antisocial by your colleagues so make sure you're extra nice at work. Be the first to volunteer to make the coffees, that sort of thing. Maybe one day say "who wants to come for a drink after work?"

As long as your colleagues feel that you really wanted to go but had a genuine reason for not going, rather than just not wanting to go and making up excuses, they'll still like you.

I used to have a colleague who was the nicest, most fun loving person you could ever meet. He was popular with everyone at work, and always the first to suggest a post work pint, but would never go on 'official' company nights out etc. He made no secret of the fact that he just didn't want to, as he had a family and an active social life outside work and no-one thought any less of him because of it.

OrangeProse

pennypinchUK wrote: »

In my experience of staff Christmas outings, the benefits of being seen to socialise with your colleagues at the party lasts about half a day after everyone returns back in the office the next day. After that, people forget who was there. That's if they remember at all after pouring back copious amounts of drink. So I'd not feel obliged to go to the outing. And that's being consistent with your decision not to go to your other half's dad's.

Agreed. Work people are, 99% of the time, not your friends - the fact that you all work together is usually the only thing that you have in common. There is often pressure put on 'everyone' to go along to these things and in reality it's just a load of enforced jollity that nobody looks back on with any real affection anyway: "oh, ho ho, har har - look at this picture of Sandra from procurement wetting herself again lol" etc.

Furthermore, if you're being expected to stump up for the cost of the meal yourself, then I think you have more of a right to politely decline the invitation. It's different when the 'Christmas Do' is paid for by the company and held during company hours; in those situations the expectation is usually that all staff will attend.

Good working relationships are built at work, not at the bar or in a restaurant. Anyone who thinks that their chances of promotion or improvement within a company are based on how many pints they sink with the managing director at the Christmas do is deluded, frankly - there are always opportunities to show seniors how effective you are at something within a work environment. As someone who now occupies a relatively senior position within a marketing agency in London, I get my fair share of 22 year olds trying to buy me drinks in order to 'chat about the future'. I think they think they're being sophisticated and building up 'mate points' by chatting to me outside of work. What they're actually doing is making themselves look like opportunistic chancers. It's a poor strategy.

Lastly - and this is important - it's none of anyone else at work's business what your financial situation is. You don't have to give a reason for not going to a lunch.

maryb

A good excuse is that you've got to go to your other half's do in the evening (everyone has Christmas do's at this time of year so it will be believeable) and explain you'll never last if you have a big meal at lunchtime but go for a drink to start with. Looks less unfriendly

Fang_3

tryfive wrote: »

Very, VERY, VERY BAD ADVICE.

Although it may have worked out "OK" in your "friends" example, the first thing I'd do (and more other employers) is get rid of you ASAP.

If you'd been there for less than a year, you'd be dismissed immediatly, and without explanation (effectivly perfectly legal)

If you'd been there for more than a year, you'd be first out the door in any redundancies (as you mention above) that were going - or rather, that could be made.

That's the polite version.

The slightly less polite version to handle any blackmail attempt (which is what we're talking about here) is immediate dismissal for gross misconduct.

Either way, forget asking for a reference - not going to happen. You couldn't be given a bad reference (unlawful), but withholding a reference, or even acknowledgement, can be damaging enough - especially if you've been with a company of any length of time.

If you're the kind who'll attempt to use blackmail, you CANNOT be trusted to "keep your end up". You'll just keep coming back for more, and more, and more.

Like the old saying - the best thing to do with a cancer is cut it right out...

It is not illegal to give a bad reference.