Real life MMD: Should I go to the Christmas lunch?

sayedrahul

How low paid are you? If you cannot afford to go for the dinner then you don't have to but being the new person I would say it is worth paying £25 pounds as you get to know the people in your office.

Also I honestly don't know you but if you cannot afford to go see family during the festive season, I would strongly suggest you look at seeing if you qualify for some state handouts as you seem like you want to do everything but cant afford to anything. Maybe you need to start saving and look at Martin's money saving tips more often. I work part time and I have saved £8000 by being careful with my money.

johnfwoods

No. The best ones are so rare that I can only remember one in 47 years of working. The worst are where the boss and his cronies drink half the wine and then insist on sharing the bill to great gusts of laughter from the cronies. There are worse ones where your colleagues spike your drink to see if you will make a fool of yourself when drunk; you will. Have a lunch time drink with a few colleagues the day before and say you are committed elsewhere on the day.

KayG

Do think about yourself. Will you dislike your colleagues if you end up paying for their steaks, coffees, 4 glasses of wine? Especially if they try to justify it morally by saying they hate people who want to "make a fuss" over the bill!

Here are four possibilities:

1. Suggest the "nearest fiver up" approach. You make a rough guess at your share and round up to £15/£20/£25. It's easy, even if you're plastered. It also takes the wind out of the sails of those who say "let's not make a fuss". It isn't a fuss. It often also means a really good tip for the waiters.

2. Fredpipes' leave-early trick. If you want to join them for a drink, you can always go back later. Just say "have to dash", or look at your watch and say "oh, my pal's waiting for me - see you at the pub in an hour". It was one of our secretaries who taught me the trick. We were both veggie and had landed up at the tapas bar gig where people eat their meat and your veggies too, so you end up with a potato and a slice of aubergine.... She worked out she had spent a mere £6 (she really is poor, not mean). So she whispered to me to watch. She told the organiser her share cheerfully (the art of it is to make it sound totally normal, rather than be apologetic). She said she had to dash (no explanation needed), gave him a tenner and went off with a friendly wave to everyone.

3. Another possibility, and I don't recommend being so mean-spirited, is order Cokes every 15 minutes. Don't make an issue of it - just keep smiling and ordering another Coke every time they order another bottle. I drank at least 6 Cokes that lunch. After a while, they start to notice and get uneasy. You won't get to pay your fair share this time, but chances are some nice person will speak up on your behalf the next time.

But only do that if you don't mind annoying them.

4. Set lunches. You really are stuffed with this one. I think the only way round it, as others said, is not to go, or to join them after for a drink. Please, please don't cancel the visit to your boyfriend's possibly very lonely dad unless you think he will fend fine without you.

Next year, offer to organise the lunch. Pick a place with no set lunches (lots of people, especially those on diets, hate them anyway, so will be grateful to you). When the bill comes, cheerfully and confidently tell everyone it'll be a "nearest fiver up" approach, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Look surprised if anyone looks grumpy and say, "that's how we always do it?" "We" can be you and your mates - no need to explain. Even better, be strategic - quickly announce that secretary Mary's bill must only be about a tenner. Only the most aggressive person will jump in and say "oh God, what a fuss", and risk being seen as the one who expects poor Mary to pay for his steak and liqueur. If however they do, graciously acccept your undeserved fate.

If you're scared stiff of doing this, that's fine - make friends with a kindly person (maybe even the boss) and tell them honestly that you are in dire straits and you'd really be grateful if they've announced "nearest fiver up" to the team when the bill comes (without naming you as the reason). You may find many colleagues actually hadn't thought it through, and feel bad about it, so are happy to do things differently.

Very best of luck!

JoannaS_3

This is a tricky situation that most of us find ourselves in at Christmas, it's the time of year when everyone wants to go out drinking/partying/eating and at some point we'll have to go somewhere we don't want to with people we don't want to be with and spend money we don't really have.

Not everyone is lucky enough to work for a company who pays for their staff Christmas lunch so you are in the unfortunate position where the organiser hasn't considered the budget.

If I were you, I would say that £25 (which will probably be more as you'll end up paying per head or for booze you didn't drink etc) is way out of your budget so you will only be able to come for a drink and let whoever know that that is your choice, it's the compromise you have to make and you are happy with that (to save them offering to sub you or whatever which is embarrassing), then tell your boyfriend how much the ticket to his dad's will be on Boxing Day, the amount you can afford and ask him if he is prepared to pay the rest in order to get to see you, as after all you will be the one travelling.

I hope you work out what you can do but don't feel pressured into doing something you can't afford and don't risk upsetting things with your boyfirned over a work-do, all of the "how long are you planning on working there?" nonsense that other people have mentioned is exactly that, nonsense! Do what you feel comfortable with and forget everyone else. Life is full of people who only put themseves first so I don't see why you should be any different as it's Christmas!

Good luck, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year :-)

JoannaS_3

stmartinsdiver wrote: »

What a lot of fuss about something so trivial - "Sorry but will not be able to join you" in the first instance - if asked "Why not" then "I cannot afford it". End of story.

Wouldn't it be nice if life was that simple all the time........

dave2

Wow, some people seem to hold their colleagues/bosses with little respect or warmth. I hope I'd be considering moving on in that position, unless there was something else unique to keep me there.

Marco12452

You're not obliged to do anything that you are not fully at ease with. Arrange a quiet night out to socalise.
If train fares are too high, try to see if you can get a discount on the megabus.com site reported in MSE a few weeks back.

Marco12452

Re post above, the megabus.com site covers trains (not just buses), so give it a try.

Onyourcase

This happened to me this year. Couldn't afford it and so I was willing to lose the £5 deposit I'd paid months before. As it was, someone else wanted to go at a late stage and I even got that £5 back from them. They were pleased. Nobody holds a grudge. When others have cancelled or decided not to go to meals I have been at, nothing is said.

satori

I don't have that issue: I know my colleagues don't want my presence, so I am not attending.
When I started on my current job, more than 2 years ago, I tried to attend the Xmas party (it was paid for by the company then; now we have to pay). I arrived at the restaurant's door just behind two colleagues (manager + director) who glared at me, and slammed the door right into my face. :mad:
In the previous days, people had made jokes in the line of 'if you go to that restaurant, they'll think you're one of the waiters' etc. because I am a foreigner, and in the UK, most waitressing jobs are manned with foreigners.
For Xmas itself, I don't have enough money to travel anywhere, so I'll probably join a couple of my foreign colleagues, who are also rejected. We all have to pay for rent, so we'll be cooking together a cheapish, healthy meal! None of us are heavy drinkers either, so that's great: when I try to join my British colleagues at the pub, I have to spend several hours watching them get drunk, and it's not really interesting.:(