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Such awful news

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  • jennyjelly
    jennyjelly Posts: 1,708 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    pawpurrs wrote: »
    So sorry to hear the outcome.
    I hope you dont mind me being frank, when it comes to the termination, there are choices, even at 20 weeks, if she does not want to see the baby or be awake a surgical termination can happen, but she may have to push for it, there are places that do do them later, such as bpas clinics. Its all a very personal thing, its a very difficult time, but please let her know, the strength does come from somewhere. The termination for medical reasons board, has been a real help to me (on babycentre) these ladies have all been there, and know what its like.
    I found my hospital to be really good, and am allready waiting to try again, they have reassured me that I will get extra support through my next pregnancy, not something she will want to think about just now, as she needs to get through this first, but I found once I had, I did want to try again, its so soon for me, I havent yet, and immediatley afterwards didnt think I would have the strength. She will get through this and is luckey to have a kind, caring person looking out for her. Will be thinking of you all x

    Could someone be kind enough to post a link for this please? I can't find it.

    Thank you
    x
    Oh dear, here we go again.
  • sassyblue
    sassyblue Posts: 3,793 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    jennyjelly wrote: »
    Could someone be kind enough to post a link for this please? I can't find it.

    Thank you
    x

    jenny on the main page to the right it says 'Community' l would imagine you need to create an account before you can view those pages as l've tried without success for you.

    So sorry about the update, life can be cruel to those that deserve it least. xxxx


    Happy moneysaving all.
  • Violetta_2
    Violetta_2 Posts: 3,588 Forumite
    jennyjelly wrote: »
    Could someone be kind enough to post a link for this please? I can't find it.

    Thank you
    x
    http://community.babycentre.co.uk/groups/a3723405/termination_for_medical_reasons
    So sorry about your wee angel. x
    Booo!!!
  • jennyjelly
    jennyjelly Posts: 1,708 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    edited 6 December 2010 at 11:44PM
    Oh dear, I've looked at that link (it let me in without registering) and read some of the posts and my heart is hurting so much for everyone on there. I had to stop reading, but one thing that really struck me before I did was the great dignity with which all the ladies on there bear their sadness. My heart goes out to all of them and I do hope that time will help.

    DS & GF have been told that they can have little foot & hand prints made from the baby so they will have something to remember him by, and they are thinking of each having a tiny tattoo of these so he will always be with them. I think that's a lovely idea.

    ETA thanks for the link V & SB.
    Oh dear, here we go again.
  • Violetta_2
    Violetta_2 Posts: 3,588 Forumite
    It's all so heartbreaking, the print thing & tattoo sound like a really special way to remember, not that they will ever forget.
    I know what you mean about the babycentre stuff , it's just too upsetting ,especially if like you & your's you are in the middle of it all. Take care
    Booo!!!
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Such sad news - I'm so sorry
  • Loopy_Girl
    Loopy_Girl Posts: 4,444 Forumite
    I know someone that got their babies foot tattooed on them when she was born too early and sleeping. I think it is lovely and as my friend says, "she is always with me and it saves me carrying round the prints from the hospital which could get damaged or stolen"

    She has the foot (in pink) and her partner got the hand done on him in black.

    Sad sad times and I hope you all pull through to the other side.

    LG x
  • laurenjs88
    laurenjs88 Posts: 1,326 Forumite
    So sorry to hear this Jenny. *hugs*
    Had my amazing little girlie 08/12/2007 - 11 days late! 9lbs 3oz
    My second little girl entered the world 20/03/2010 - 11 days late! 8lbs 4oz
    Sea
    led pot challenge 4 - 332
    Make £11k in 2011 £0/£11000 - 0%
    And lots of other challenges!
  • Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your family jenny ! Big hugs to you all

    I too have been through the loss of a child my DD jessica was born sleeping at 31 weeks pregnant, 28th Feb 2002 I've never forgotten about it and when I think of her I am immediately transported back to the day of her birth. She died because of an undetected infection in my uterous despite me being admitted into hospital at that time due to an unexplained bleed a few days prior.

    I know everything I'm going to say next is so cliche but it does get easier over time to come to terms with the loss you feel not only for the baby but for all the hopes and dreams you shared for his/her upbringing and the future.

    I chose to hold her and cuddle her and I can echo the feeling of inner calm during that period of time. I have photographs of her and I also have her hand and footprints on special cards I kept the blanket that I held her in aswell and I slept with it for two years after.

    All of these things are saved in a box in my home which I will look at maybe a few times a year now its one of those baby memories boxes but an appropriate one (IMO) I filled it with things which were relevant to her and her short life and it includes letters I wrote to her to attempt to help me deal with things and cards which were sent by other people to us.

    Jessica had a funeral (arranged and paid for by the hospital) and she is buried in our local churchyard and I have a headstone for her initially I visited her grave daily and did that for the first 6 months then it tailed down to weekly and now I visit every few months. I was strongly critcised by some extended family for my visiting routine and I spent much of my time thinking I must be going insane because nobody could see why I felt the need to be with her. I now feel that I still did what was right for me she was my first child and I carried lots of feelings around that I may not be able to have children and why me and if there is one bit of advice to you its please do whatever you feel is right for you personally and make allowances for your son and DIL to do exactly the same.

    You will come up against lots of conflicting opinions during this time when you really don't need to hear them I heard the try again you'll get another one line as well as many others and it stung everytime I heard it. I can though remember the love and support my parents and closest friends gave me at the time and I will never forget that my dad struggles with expressing his emotions and instead he helped me practically and mum was traumatised and she sat and held me while I cried every day she also dealt with the nights where I couldn't settle.

    Please just do whatever comes naturally to you I truly wish my ex MIL was as supportive as you appear to be she was of the "try again" school and since the day it happenned she refused to speak of her or acknowledge her and told me each birthday I should forget it and move on.

    My heart truly does go out to you all I wish you all well and thank you for the updates here please take care of yourselves.

    If I can be any further help please feel free to pm me xx
    :j:love: Getting married to the man of my dreams 5th November 2011 :love::j
  • jennyjelly
    jennyjelly Posts: 1,708 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    Hello again.

    Now that we are getting back on an even keel I thought it was time to post an update. Everyone on here was so unbelievably kind that I sort of feel I owe it to you.

    First the best news of all - they are expecting a baby in November. Mum has had 2 scans already, and will have another at 16 weeks and another at 20 weeks. By then we should be able to be fairly confident that everything is ok. They are SOOO happy!

    DS has had his tattoo and it's lovely - pic here. GF will have hers after the baby.

    Sands (Stillbirth & Neonatal Death Society) are going to benefit as DS has decided to have his head shaved to raise money for them in memory of Sunny - pics of the soon to be gone hair here and here. (If anyone wants to donate the link is here).

    And amazingly these two former goths have developed a wonderful relationship with the Chaplain at the hospital who blessed Sunny and also conducted his funeral. And that is something I never thought I'd see!

    Hope you don't mind the update, but I just wanted everybody who offered virtual tea and hugs that it's all ok now. We will never ever forget Sunny, but we all feel better and more hopeful.

    JJ
    x
    Oh dear, here we go again.
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