Such awful news

Apricot

I have no words jenny, just hugs xx

Britwife

I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and your family. My baby was born sleeping in Sept due to T21 and a very large cystic hygroma that extended into his chest. It's heartbreaking and at the time I just wanted to rip out every single reproductive organ in my body. He was 19 weeks along.

The best thing I can say is just keep doing what you're doing now, you sound like an amazing mom and mil and gran. The hospital I gave birth at was so caring. They will ask if she wants to see and/or hold her baby and that is a very personal decision. I knew I needed to see my child but my husband didn't and at the last moment he needed to see him. I don't know how long I held him but I didn't cry, I just felt so at peace holding him. He looked just like my youngest son. I asked the nurses to take him away because he was so cold. They were so sweet and cradled him just as he were a live newborn and placed him under the warmers if we wanted to hold him again. They also took a picture of him and made prints of his hand and feet. Your dil can request this and they are put in a folder so she can look at them if and when she is ever ready. We also let the hospital arrange the funeral and burial and it was so amazing. At our hospital there are 16 babies to a site but they are put in a specific spot with a metal plaque with our babies information. The ceremony was perfect and they read all the babies full names several times. (there were 4 babies total). I went back and forth so much on wanting to have it done privately because I was afraid something would happen to him or he would be in a cardboard box. I asked alot of questions to make sure it was right for us and I am so happy with that choice.

If your DIL does want to see the baby, I highly suggest taking a camera so she can get family pictures. I grasp at any memory I have of my baby. I know that may sound odd to others but to us, they are still our babies.

This will sound crazy but my husband had me out the next day with my family. It was the last thing I wanted but after, I was so grateful for that because instead of sitting in bed crying, I was out thinking about my family. It also eliminated that first hard outing

The best thing through all this was the amazing support of my entire family and I actually have a higher respect for my inlaws. They were so supportive and never threw their opinions at me, they gave me time to grieve. They were there for the funeral and we're all going to put flowers at his grave next week.

I feel that I have healed so much and we are now trying again. I'm really scared but I will pray that if we are blessed that our baby will be ok.

Your family will be in my prayers

meritaten

my condolences jenny - to the family and yourself. Britwife please accept my condolences too! I feel it was so kind of you to post and try and ease anothers grief when you are still suffering yourself.

Greif counselling may help the young couple in future. also its a difficult time while they wait to find out if the babies problems were hereditary.
my best wishes for the future for everyone.
merit

indebtinsussex

I'm so sorry for your news, my thoughts are with you and your family xxx

MatyMoo

To Jenny, Britwife, anyone that has been through this already or has the misfortune to go through it in the future, my heart really does go out to you.

Sending hugs through cyberspace to all of you and your special little angels.

My Mum lost one child at birth, in the days when it wasn't spoken about and you were not allowed to spend time with them, she wasn't even told if it was a boy or girl. So very sad. I am so pleased that they do things differently nowadays.

GlasweJen

***hugs***

so sorry for your news Jenny

nanto3girls

Awww Jenny, so sorry to hear your sad news.My thoughts are with you.

pawpurrs

So sorry to hear the outcome.
I hope you dont mind me being frank, when it comes to the termination, there are choices, even at 20 weeks, if she does not want to see the baby or be awake a surgical termination can happen, but she may have to push for it, there are places that do do them later, such as bpas clinics. Its all a very personal thing, its a very difficult time, but please let her know, the strength does come from somewhere. The termination for medical reasons board, has been a real help to me (on babycentre) these ladies have all been there, and know what its like.
I found my hospital to be really good, and am allready waiting to try again, they have reassured me that I will get extra support through my next pregnancy, not something she will want to think about just now, as she needs to get through this first, but I found once I had, I did want to try again, its so soon for me, I havent yet, and immediatley afterwards didnt think I would have the strength. She will get through this and is luckey to have a kind, caring person looking out for her. Will be thinking of you all x

rachel6188

im thinking of your family at this time and in the weeks and months to come xx

KittyKate

What awful news for your family, Jenny. I can only add my condolences and my best wishes for you all x