Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

All of this - and this wording - is outside my comprehension. I don't understand "make sure ... gets the help they need" as it's open. I've no idea what they could need, or how to get it...

do they want you to get the doctor for more/different pain killers/medication?

with out the doctor are they otherwise ''comfortable''? If no longer able to bath would they like a bowl of water and a face cloth, a bar of soap and a towel for a quick wash for example? Even just offering them both a cuppa will open the option for them to ask you for something else they need.

vivatifosi

PasturesNew wrote: »

All of this - and this wording - is outside my comprehension. I don't understand "make sure ... gets the help they need" as it's open. I've no idea what they could need, or how to get it...

Ok, direct questions to your parent:

Are you in pain? If they say yes

Is the medicine you are on helping? If yes

Do you need some more medicine now?

If they say the medicine they are on isn't helping, then say you will call the doctors.

Phone the doctors on the 24 hour number. Use the sentence I've written down. Then say "my (old) is not managing their pain well. I can't get this across to you easily because of my aspergers, but I think they need additional pain relief of some sort." Then tell them you need them to come.

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

do they want you to get the doctor for more/different pain killers/medication?

Nobody wants me to do anything.

lostinrates wrote: »

with out the doctor are they otherwise ''comfortable''? If no longer able to bath would they like a bowl of water and a face cloth, a bar of soap and a towel for a quick wash for example? Even just offering them both a cuppa will open the option for them to ask you for something else they need.

Not comfortable, in discomfort.

We're not a communicative family. I ask 10-20x a day about specific items they might want/need - and stating that I will get, fetch, buy, cook, sort anything out, now or in an hour or when it's requested.

LydiaJ

viva is right.

The M people and docs and hospitals etc will know what kind of help you ought to be offered, but they won't know that you don't know how to ask for it. Just tell them about being speshul and explain how you need them to treat you. You've done it on this thread, and you can do it with the M people etc. Just think about how you explain to us - "I don't understand open questions. I need you to be specific." Or try "I sometimes find it hard to follow explanations, but I also find it hard to keep asking for more help. If you tell me something, please could you check with me that I've understood it." M people and doctors dealing with dying patients are supposed to deal with the whole family as a package. Your speshulness is part of the package and it's their job to accommodate that - but it's your job to explain it to them so that they can do so. If all else fails, try "Thank you for what you've told me but I still don't know what I should do next. Please help me."

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

Nobody wants me to do anything.


Not comfortable, in discomfort.

We're not a communicative family. I ask 10-20x a day about specific items they might want/need - and stating that I will get, fetch, buy, cook, sort anything out, now or in an hour or when it's requested.

10 - 20 times a day is pretty good. Well done.

I think all you can do then is make a list of questions you want help with (what is ''M'':o) so you are prepared for the call. have a read through the link to the pra ctical steps. Make sure you have the numbers you need...gp etc, where you can find them easily when you need them.

edit: I think the phrases viva and lydia are giving are clear and you should use them. People don't mind if you don't get it. Don't worry about asking again and again till they phrase in a way that is clear to you.

edit again:

PN, your family might be too caught up or uncommunicative to tell you that you seem to be doing a good job and doing admirably in trying to meet their needs. well done.

PasturesNew

vivatifosi wrote: »

Ok, direct questions to your parent:

Are you in pain? If they say yes

Is the medicine you are on helping? If yes

Do you need some more medicine now?

If they say the medicine they are on isn't helping, then say you will call the doctors.

Brilliant. I can do that. I'd have not thought of it in 1,000 years

vivatifosi wrote: »

Phone the doctors on the 24 hour number.

That's a bizarre system. You phone, they log a call, then you wait for somebody to call you back within an hour or so. Then the person who calls you back decides what to do (which to date, for previous calls about other stuff for the other old, has been: hospital or not). No actual experience of calling an actual Doctor as such before.

vivatifosi wrote: »

Use the sentence I've written down. Then say "my (old) is not managing their pain well. I can't get this across to you easily because of my aspergers, but I think they need additional pain relief of some sort." Then tell them you need them to come.

Thank you.

vivatifosi

OK Pastures, sorry but more questions.

Not comfortable, in discomfort.

Is this the worst you have seen them in terms of that discomfort.

If it isn't, it may be that they need some more medicine.

If it is the worst you have seen them, then someone should probably call the doctors and ask for help. Even NHS Direct could help if you feel up to it.

PasturesNew

vivatifosi wrote: »

OK Pastures, sorry but more questions.

Not comfortable, in discomfort.

Is this the worst you have seen them in terms of that discomfort.

If it isn't, it may be that they need some more medicine.

If it is the worst you have seen them, then someone should probably call the doctors and ask for help. Even NHS Direct could help if you feel up to it.

The discomfort, to my knowledge, is constant and hasn't changed/worsened since the first diagnosis. I think it's a separate issue to the "c" and is being dealt with by other tablets. But the "c" medicine is vicious stuff and not good for people's stomachs at the best of times. And there are other health issues, also got some leg/artery thing the old was waiting for surgery for, which were hurting before all this kicked off.

So the discomfort's just "stuff you expect" and that's been there for weeks now.

LydiaJ

lostinrates wrote: »

10 - 20 times a day is pretty good. Well done.

I think all you can do then is make a list of questions you want help with (what is ''M'':o) so you are prepared for the call. have a read through the link to the pra ctical steps. Make sure you have the numbers you need...gp etc, where you can find them easily when you need them.

M is Macmillan, I think.

edit: I think the phrases viva and lydia are giving are clear and you should use them. People don't mind if you don't get it. Don't worry about asking again and again till they phrase in a way that is clear to you.

edit again:

PN, your family might be too caught up or uncommunicative to tell you that you seem to be doing a good job and doing admirably in trying to meet their needs. well done.

Yes. You are doing a great job - better than a lot of "unspeshul" people would manage.

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

The discomfort, to my knowledge, is constant and hasn't changed/worsened since the first diagnosis. I think it's a separate issue to the "c" and is being dealt with by other tablets. But the "c" medicine is vicious stuff and not good for people's stomachs at the best of times. And there are other health issues, also got some leg/artery thing the old was waiting for surgery for, which were hurting before all this kicked off.

So the discomfort's just "stuff you expect" and that's been there for weeks now.

Thank you Pastures.

If the discomfort hasn't changedd, what is it that is making you suspect that it's nearly time?