Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

PasturesNew

I think "it's nearly time".... there's been a deterioration of the old - and I'm very scared. I need to go through this nice people thread to find the phone number of the people I need to call, to get somebody to come in. No forms have arrived, nursey said she'd send forms - I've asked today about phoning for the forms, but didn't get a response from the old. I figured: forms will arrive, I'll phone and get somebody in to fill them out .... but as part of that call I'll try to get somebody to winkle out "how long...?" - and I think "how long" is "any day now" and it's been kept from us.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think "it's nearly time".... there's been a deterioration of the old - and I'm very scared. I need to go through this nice people thread to find the phone number of the people I need to call, to get somebody to come in. No forms have arrived, nursey said she'd send forms - I've asked today about phoning for the forms, but didn't get a response from the old. I figured: forms will arrive, I'll phone and get somebody in to fill them out .... but as part of that call I'll try to get somebody to winkle out "how long...?" - and I think "how long" is "any day now" and it's been kept from us.

Find the numbers on the thread and call tonight Dear PN.


Now, without wanting to upset you further, if you think its nearly ''time'' do you know, are you prepared for, what to do then? There is a useful book called ''what to do when somebody dies'' or something. There will be step by step advice on the net now, or here on MSE you'll be helped. BUT being prepared might make the first few days, the ''processess'' of who to call etc easier for you. You might be different, I like to be well prepared.

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

Find the numbers on the thread and call tonight Dear PN.


Now, without wanting to upset you further, if you think its nearly ''time'' do you know, are you prepared for, what to do then? There is a useful book called ''what to do when somebody dies'' or something. There will be step by step advice on the net now, or here on MSE you'll be helped. BUT being prepared might make the first few days, the ''processess'' of who to call etc easier for you. You might be different, I like to be well prepared.

I found the numbers, they're not 24/7 though. I'll call them tomorrow, they're 8-8. Gonna call the "M" lot ... and bleat down the phone

No idea what happens. No idea at all.

vivatifosi

Hey Pastures,

What numbers do you need? There's a whole army of us here who are happy to lend a hand and help you find the info you want.

I know that nothing I say can make you feel any better, but I have been there when a member of my family died and now that I can look back on it, rather than experiencing it at the time, it wasn't scary at all.

Make sure your ill family member gets the help they need, particularly pain management if that is appropriate, but don't forget you and your other parent need support too, don't leave yourself out of the equation. We're all thinking of you.

ETA: and if you aren't managing now or they need help, call the 24 hour doctor and don't be afraid to.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I found the numbers, they're not 24/7 though. I'll call them tomorrow, they're 8-8. Gonna call the "M" lot ... and bleat down the phone

No idea what happens. No idea at all.

Ok. well, here are the practical steps. (this might be premature so don't pnaic)

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Death/WhatToDoAfterADeath/DG_10029808


BUT, they don't help much with the immeadiate and the personal, (the hard bits) you will likely have to call a doctor, unless it just ''happens''. It might be that they are found dead.

This will be upsetting, but you'll be ok. The other parent will need help. Possibly taken into another room and given a drink (cup of tea/nip pof brandy as appropriate in your family).

you will need to call you siblings unless the other parent wants to do it. I think it wouold be easier if you did.

I would make it easier by writing down what you want to say. There is no easy way so I would say 'Hello' 'Name of sibling' , I'm so sorry but 'parent' has died''. You might prefer ''passed away'' or something. But simple clear and said kindly and as calmly as you can.


edit: in the mean time, if you are worried now have you asked them if they want the doctor and have sufficient pain relief?

PasturesNew

vivatifosi wrote: »

Hey Pastures,

What numbers do you need? There's a whole army of us here who are happy to lend a hand and help you find the info you want.

I know that nothing I say can make you feel any better, but I have been there when a member of my family died and now that I can look back on it, rather than experiencing it at the time, it wasn't scary at all.

Make sure your ill family member gets the help they need, particularly pain management if that is appropriate, but don't forget you and your other parent need support too, don't leave yourself out of the equation. We're all thinking of you.

ETA: and if you aren't managing now or they need help, call the 24 hour doctor and don't be afraid to.

I just wanted a number of somebody that I could phone that ... well, I don't know.

I was relying on those forms coming, so I could get somebody into the house, which would get communication channels opened. But the forms didn't come... so I guess I'm phoning the "M" people to get somebody to come out - and I've no idea if they have access to the records at the hospital to know the situation, or if they can bring the forms, or anything really.

None of us have ever been 'in the system' for any system ever before. We're help n00bs

I don't even know where to begin asking, what to ask - and let's not forget, my speshulness means I can't ask. Oh, I can ask - but I rarely get the right answer. So we're doomed really.

How can you ask when you don't know what to ask, don't know who to ask, don't know what to expect or what could/should happen, or how/when/why/whatever

But I'm going to give it a go and that starts with a phonecall to "M" tomorrow. I'll phone and see what they say/ask and try to make it up on the spot to get some response that doesn't have them fobbing me off ... although being fobbed off is highly likely.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I just wanted a number of somebody that I could phone that ... well, I don't know.

I was relying on those forms coming, so I could get somebody into the house, which would get communication channels opened. But the forms didn't come... so I guess I'm phoning the "M" people to get somebody to come out - and I've no idea if they have access to the records at the hospital to know the situation, or if they can bring the forms, or anything really.

None of us have ever been 'in the system' for any system ever before. We're help n00bs

I don't even know where to begin asking, what to ask - and let's not forget, my speshulness means I can't ask. Oh, I can ask - but I rarely get the right answer. So we're doomed really.

How can you ask when you don't know what to ask, don't know who to ask, don't know what to expect or what could/should happen, or how/when/why/whatever

But I'm going to give it a go and that starts with a phonecall to "M" tomorrow. I'll phone and see what they say/ask and try to make it up on the spot to get some response that doesn't have them fobbing me off ... although being fobbed off is highly likely.

you'll be ok. you are NOT doomed.

PasturesNew

lostinrates wrote: »

I would make it easier by writing down what you want to say. There is no easy way so I would say 'Hello' 'Name of sibling' , I'm so sorry but 'parent' has died''. You might prefer ''passed away'' or something. But simple clear and said kindly and as calmly as you can.

Oh, I'd just go: "hey - it's me, xxx, old's dead"

I don't do communication.

PasturesNew

vivatifosi wrote: »

Make sure your ill family member gets the help they need, particularly pain management if that is appropriate, but don't forget you and your other parent need support too, don't leave yourself out of the equation. We're all thinking of you.

All of this - and this wording - is outside my comprehension. I don't understand "make sure ... gets the help they need" as it's open. I've no idea what they could need, or how to get it...

vivatifosi

M is a good place to start.

Start off the sentence with something like "I just want to let you know that if I have Aspergers Syndrome, so if I'm having trouble explaining my problem, please stick with me, I really need your help".

Keep the 24 hour docs numbers to hand in case you need it and use the same sentence with them too if they start to stall. You have a right to get help even if it may seem a bit difficult to communicate that.

ETA: and don't worry about saying "old's dead" if that's a statement of fact. It's actually quite helpful. A lot of us so called "norms" can't do that and it must be a royal PITA for the docs.