Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

silvercar

PasturesNew wrote: »

I can't even cry, as it'd be heard. And I can't drive somewhere to do that in case somebody stops to find out why my car's parked in a field/wherever. And then you get red eyes, so I couldn't come back.... for hours. And then I'd have to explain every minute of the time I was away and where I'd been/what I'd been doing.



That's what I miss most about not having my own space - not being able to cry when I want.

Full office or station car park.

Red eyes can be explained by chopping onions or hayfever - or you could just say that you've been crying because they are ill and no-one is coping.

Phone your sibling(s) and get them to pitch in.

silvercar

Some goods I wanted to share with the nice people.

Eldest has got a 2.1:T

Very pleased for him as its been a difficult year and it should mean that his place on his masters gets confirmed.

vivatifosi

Great news silvercar! Please send him my congratulations and best wishes (to which he'll probably say m-u-u-m what are you doing hanging out with some bunch of randoms on a net forum). Really pleased and good luck with the Masters!

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I can't even cry, as it'd be heard. And I can't drive somewhere to do that in case somebody stops to find out why my car's parked in a field/wherever. And then you get red eyes, so I couldn't come back.... for hours. And then I'd have to explain every minute of the time I was away and where I'd been/what I'd been doing.



That's what I miss most about not having my own space - not being able to cry when I want.

No feelings...pft.

PN, reason for red eyes....pollen counts. (oh, just seen silver car's tpoo, good ideas )And if they say you've never had it before sayit must be the pollution or something. Use a layby not a gateway and say you are off to do some shopping ...is there anything they want while you are out..then go. Some times a good cry really clears out the pipes. Its very healthy.


A partial solution for your mother, and I feel so desperately sorry for her as well, might be a day centre. Where she gets company but has the security of coming home afterwards. It might be too much a culture shock to just go into some sort of residential care...though its not a certainty, especially due to the element of control your other parent exercises. But a day centre might be a way to dip her toes in.

lostinrates

Huge congratulations silvercar. You must be so proud! Working under pressure of ''other stuff'' IMO makes it all the more valuable. Learning how to ''carry on'' in the face of shock and difficulty. It shows admirable personal qualities as well as academic acheivment.

lostinrates

vivatifosi wrote: »

Morning Pastures. I hope you managed to get some sleep and don't feel too tired this morning. It sounds like your family are very good at the whole "stiff upper lip" thing. Don't worry about crying though, it is a human emotion. We all do it and from a totally logical point of view, if we weren't meant to, we wouldn't have been designed with tear ducts.

Also don't forget if you do want to retreat to your room, that Aspies have a more acute sense of hearing so people may not hear you as much as you think, particularly if they are prone to watching the TV very loud as seems to be the case. Take a couple of tea bags, soak them in cool but not cold water and put them over your eyes, they do wonders at soothing sore eyes.

even a wrung out facecloth or hand towel will help a lot.


I wish we were nearer, you could park in my field and have a weep.



PN, you are such a wonderful, complicated person. Thinking about how you feel about feelings I often return to thining about how you describe it at home and the impact this must have had. I think it would be emotionally ''confusing'' for even a very un speshul person. I can see exactly why you'd hate the Samaritans. Usually I am a bit wary of counselling etc but I can't help feel you are more special (as opposed to speshul) than you realise and its obvious to us who you communicate with that you have very real feelings and emotional needs.

Sometimes, despite all the things like phone numbers and suggestions, all we can do is tell you we care and hope you know we mean it.

Doozergirl

Pastures New, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard even without being speshul; people don't really want to talk about it, explain what's happening, whether they are patient or doctor so even if you don't have a particular speshulness you will feel lost and unsure and scared. I've been there too and nobody told me anything in a direct way, it went over my head, especially as I was in shock.

Hopefully you're on the phone already or about to be and someone will be able to guide you in a non-internet friendly, practical way.

I think you need to phone your siblings as well. They may want you to give them the opportunity to be there when, or at least visit before, old dies. It doesn't have to be at home, I think he should be able to go to a hospice if you cannot cope with caring for him as a family, especially if mum needs care too. If he will not accept help, then it might be better from a stranger/nurse who can just tell him/give him medicines?

You are doing so very well. I'm sorry none of us were around through the night, I bet you were wide awake.

Doozergirl

silvercar wrote: »

Some goods I wanted to share with the nice people.

Eldest has got a 2.1:T

Very pleased for him as its been a difficult year and it should mean that his place on his masters gets confirmed.

Congratulations :T

You must be a very proud Mummy indeed; great news!

neverdespairgirl

Congrats to Silverbaby!

lostinrates

another little piece of good news, we have one new chicken chick under the broody hen

Which means I got my dates wrong with the incubator so the eggs in the cooker that fc123 is excited about aren't written of yet.

I saw tthe incubators eggs realtives yesterday, a year old and the male has started to glow with colour now. They aren't blue these ones, but Java Greens..neighbours and I are never going to know whose are whose I think! If these work I might try another colour next year.