Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

PasturesNew

misskool wrote: »

If you want some help with reading anything and getting it into plain language or generally stuff like that, i can help. PM me.

Cheers. At the moment there's just nothing. We're guessing somebody will phone him, with some appointment date/time. But we've no idea who, or where from, or when. It's the weekend now, so I guess maybe some time next week.

But, as I said, we've no idea what will go on.

The old says chemo might have been mentioned, but that's as much as we've got to go on.

There's nothing in writing, no leaflet was dispensed that we're aware of.

The atmosphere's turned odd. It's the "big unspoken thing" hanging over everybody - and there's no discussion (we're not a hugs/support family). He thinks he's going to die really; she thinks he'll be dying and leave her to fend for herself.... and I am staying out of the way.

And things are short-tempered and aggressive generally.... so it's best I keep out of the way. Too much secret alcohol's being necked too.... secretly.

Pobby

Hi again, and of course you are giving me great support. I am very grateful. Getting a mental illness at my time of life is not the greatest thing. I did go to the little town today to pick up my meds but found that difficult.

My wife, my goodness, if I ever loved her it is no more intense than now. If I didn`t have her around well goodness knows. She has had loads to put up with in the last 10 years. Brother dying young , little sis being deserted by her husband of 30 years, who goes on Face Book with pictures of the younger woman.

Then this, her partner for 40 years becomes a nutter. Yet she still does the daily toil. Wish I could . Agrophopia, depression , anxiety and OCD. Fair old bit to cope with. Taking a bunch of meds and hoping to get some form of disability. I guess it can strike at any age.

Been sacked from my commercial agency. Think they got the wind up when I told them that it wasn`t quite that easy. They have diddled me out of a lot of money over the past 5 years (good to have a mate in accounts). I was very aware of this but can get some hard facts.

When I got the phone call to tell me that I was on my way, as a member of a professional body, I have a free solicitor. Seems to have taken the wind out of them. No promised letter of the sack ,no follow up phone call. Well I did mention that my soliciter was very unhappy with the situation.

Also they will be in receipt of enduring bussiness that I have gathered for them over the years.

My wife does not want me to persue it because of the illness. As it happens I feel that it would give me a boost. My little get back to rip off Britain.

Davesnave

If it would niggle to do otherwise, I think you should push gently for what you're entitled to, Pobby. At our age one knows that battles are rarely completely won, but 'every little helps,' and so long as it's pursued like that & doesn't become an all-consuming battle, fine.

I've been enjoying helping a family member with some legal issues over the past few years. I see it as a mental challenge, rather than becoming too emotionally involved or getting het up about 'right' and 'wrong.' At first we were both too intense. Now, we win some and we lose some, and we accept compromises.

I'm 62, by the way. Better than 42 for me, as I had my mental crises when I was younger. I'm really no more 'together' than I was then, but now I understand that I'll never be 'together!' :rotfl:

Davesnave

PN, my Dad had cancer that went untreated for longer than it should; in fact it was me that realised something was up and got things started. They removed the offending bit, but the surgeon told me that the disease had likely spread through the lymphatic system. His words were, "We'll keep monitoring, but it's to be hoped that something else takes him first."

However, the disease hadn't spread and it never returned. We lived with this hanging over us for years, though we didn't talk about it.

No one ever knows for sure, 100%.

GDB2222

PasturesNew wrote: »

The atmosphere's turned odd. It's the "big unspoken thing" hanging over everybody - and there's no discussion (we're not a hugs/support family). He thinks he's going to die really; she thinks he'll be dying and leave her to fend for herself.... and I am staying out of the way.

And things are short-tempered and aggressive generally.... so it's best I keep out of the way. Too much secret alcohol's being necked too.... secretly.

Well, it is frightening for all of you, and you've summed up precisely your parents' very real concerns. "Too much secret alcohol" - well that's a very good way of coping with it, at least in the short term. I'm really sorry to hear about the cancer. How old are they? That makes a big difference as it tends to be much slower in older folk.

SingleSue

Pobby wrote: »

Hi again, and of course you are giving me great support. I am very grateful. Getting a mental illness at my time of life is not the greatest thing. I did go to the little town today to pick up my meds but found that difficult.

My wife, my goodness, if I ever loved her it is no more intense than now. If I didn`t have her around well goodness knows. She has had loads to put up with in the last 10 years. Brother dying young , little sis being deserted by her husband of 30 years, who goes on Face Book with pictures of the younger woman.

Then this, her partner for 40 years becomes a nutter. Yet she still does the daily toil. Wish I could . Agrophopia, depression , anxiety and OCD. Fair old bit to cope with. Taking a bunch of meds and hoping to get some form of disability. I guess it can strike at any age.

Been sacked from my commercial agency. Think they got the wind up when I told them that it wasn`t quite that easy. They have diddled me out of a lot of money over the past 5 years (good to have a mate in accounts). I was very aware of this but can get some hard facts.

When I got the phone call to tell me that I was on my way, as a member of a professional body, I have a free solicitor. Seems to have taken the wind out of them. No promised letter of the sack ,no follow up phone call. Well I did mention that my soliciter was very unhappy with the situation.

Also they will be in receipt of enduring bussiness that I have gathered for them over the years.

My wife does not want me to persue it because of the illness. As it happens I feel that it would give me a boost. My little get back to rip off Britain.

Your wife sounds lovely....my now ex husband told me it was just an excuse to get off work and that depression did not exist :mad:

He changed his tune when he got depression of course over a job loss but that was a few years later when we had already split up.

I have had problems with my mental health since the early 90's, starting with PND after my eldest son was born and then had my major breakdown in 2005, mind and body completely broke under the stress of caring for the boys, caring for hubby and working as many hours as I could fit in....I was utterly exhausted and my body could take no more.

It is now 6 years almost since the breakdown, I am a functioning human being again but there are still times when I can feel myself teetering over the cliff edge and about to start sliding down the other side, in fact, my usual state is the teetering one but an almost safe teetering without the feeling of going over. I can now recognise the signs and stop it or bring myself out of it as there is no way I want to go back to those very dark (I call them black days) days of 2005/06 when I was at my worse.

I still at times, get the feeling of wanting to end it all, have the attraction to sharp implements, the want to drive my car into a wall but the thought of what the boys would do, who would look after them, stops me in my tracks and the temptation ebbs away.

I am not the person I was pre breakdown, I no longer trust people, I have to force myself to meet people at social events but the confidence is coming back, slowly but very surely.

I usually know when it is a good day, I just get very OCD about things...on bad days, I don't care about anything.

Keep going Pobby, you will get there but please don't try to rush yourself into being better....it takes time.

misskool

PasturesNew wrote: »

Cheers. At the moment there's just nothing. We're guessing somebody will phone him, with some appointment date/time. But we've no idea who, or where from, or when. It's the weekend now, so I guess maybe some time next week.

But, as I said, we've no idea what will go on.

The old says chemo might have been mentioned, but that's as much as we've got to go on.

There's nothing in writing, no leaflet was dispensed that we're aware of.

The atmosphere's turned odd. It's the "big unspoken thing" hanging over everybody - and there's no discussion (we're not a hugs/support family). He thinks he's going to die really; she thinks he'll be dying and leave her to fend for herself.... and I am staying out of the way.

And things are short-tempered and aggressive generally.... so it's best I keep out of the way. Too much secret alcohol's being necked too.... secretly.

OK, guessing from this, they found a lump or a bit not in the right place. So it's not panic stations yet as there are those that are benign.

The first thing to do is that they will schedule a biopsy where a small needle is stuck into the area and they will take a bit of the lump out to check.

The appointment for that should take less than 10 days, RING any number you get a hold on. Sorry, the NHS is diabolical when someone old gets ill. If you can't face it, I will ring and bug everyone for you until you get the first available appointment. These things take a short time.

Then they will examine the tissue and decide if it is cancer or not. Chemo is an option without surgery if the lump is small and the biopsy shows it's not too aggresive and if the doctor thinks the patient may not survive the surgery well.

If this is too public, PM me.

vivatifosi

Hey Pastures, I know your lot don't do these (nor does mine), so allow me to send you some ((hugs)).

As you know, we have a lot of cancer in my family, so hope you don't mind, I've gone through the points you've made in relation to my experiences with my Mum's cancer, my own experiences and those of the rest of my family.

PasturesNew wrote: »

Cheers. At the moment there's just nothing. We're guessing somebody will phone him, with some appointment date/time. But we've no idea who, or where from, or when. It's the weekend now, so I guess maybe some time next week.

Under the UK cancer guidelines they have to act quickly. This need not necessarily be a response to how advanced things are, so don't be shocked, its just good practice. My Mum wasn't just called up, she was in hospital in just over a week. In my case I saw a specialist and they cleared their schedule so that I had it cut out the same day (fortunately could be done with day surgery), so don't be surprised when things start moving very quickly.

But, as I said, we've no idea what will go on.

The old says chemo might have been mentioned, but that's as much as we've got to go on.

Often you'll find that treatment takes a multi-pronged attack on the cancer. Options that I've come across broadly speaking are: surgery, chemo (drugs that kill off cells), radiotherapy (again trying to kill off cells) and other drug treatments aimed at stopping cancer coming back.

There's nothing in writing, no leaflet was dispensed that we're aware of.

That's a shame. If you do go on line to look into this, be very careful where you go looking. Try and stick to the main sites run by the NHS and cancer charities. There are a lot of pseudo sites out there that can either a) put the fear of God into people unnecessarily, b) give people false hope or c) try and sell vulnerable people things they don't need. I know you know the net better than most, but please be careful.

The atmosphere's turned odd. It's the "big unspoken thing" hanging over everybody - and there's no discussion (we're not a hugs/support family). He thinks he's going to die really; she thinks he'll be dying and leave her to fend for herself.... and I am staying out of the way.

It's a hard subject to discuss, but it is worth doing. Keep it factual if that's what helps. My Mum has survived cancer for the moment, but I know from talking to her that her wish is not to have further surgery if it comes back. I also know what her wishes are if she dies. At the same time, my family know mine. Don't try and do all of this at once as it is too much to cope with, but this is a conversation worth having. I even told my Mum I love her. My family just don't do things like that.

And things are short-tempered and aggressive generally.... so it's best I keep out of the way. Too much secret alcohol's being necked too.... secretly.

Sometimes people need ways of coping under extreme circumstances, and your own mortality will always be an extreme circumstance to confront. We'll all deal with this in different ways, I became a research maniac, my Mum started writing family recipes and ensuring we had everyone's addresses. As long as no one gets hurt with pent up aggression, just roll with it for as long as you can. As someone who has been in your Dad's position (though not advanced thankfully), it did make me very angry and it was something I just needed time to get my head round. It isn't something you can get your head round as someone with it in a couple of days though. Oh, and know that on here you'll have people you can come and talk to, express your concerns, etc. I also found taking my car to somewhere quiet and screaming at the top of my voice a good stress reliever.

vivatifosi

misskool wrote: »

Then they will examine the tissue and decide if it is cancer or not.

Hi Pastures. I missed this bit out in my note because I was under the impression that cancer had already been diagnosed, however this is a very important point from misskool. Most lumps aren't cancer so if that's the stage your family are at, please bear this in mind.

Doozergirl

I'm very sorry about your news, PN. I know the ladies who are much better in the know than me have already offered you some excellent advice, I just wanted to echo that you might need to push a bit harder with the oldies. I know the NHS will spring into action for younger people, my friend was into hospital the same day as soon as our GP had an inkling of what might be wrong with her.

I think you should call the GP on Monday and find out what the process is and how quickly things are likely to move treatment wise. It's not fair for any of you to be sitting, wondering at this point and you shouldn't be expected to.