Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

Pobby

Pn, sorry. Have been wraped up in my own little world. I am sorry at your news. I do hope things turn out well for you.

morag1202

PN, nothing to add, just (((hugs))) if you want them.

GDB2222

"little sis being deserted by her husband of 30 years"

That's surprisingly common. I've just finished a report for a court case, and I had to dredge up loads of stats on divorce. Some key points:

• The average marriage contracted now has a 45% chance of ending in divorce. (That leaves 55% that end in death, so that's quite a stark choice when you think about it. Which would you prefer? )
• Although nearly half of divorces take place in the first 10 years of marriage, there's a very long tail to the distribution. 7.5% of marriages end in divorce after 20 years, and 1.5% after 30 years.And even after 40 years, there are still around 1 per 1000 couples a year getting divorced. It seems that there's no age at which a head can't be turned or a straw break the camel's back.
• By the 40th anniversary, less than 40% of couples are married still, with 45% of marriages having ended in divorce and 15% the other way.

These figures are all projections, based on what has happened in the past.

silvercar

GDB2222 wrote: »

"little sis being deserted by her husband of 30 years"

That's surprisingly common. I've just finished a report for a court case, and I had to dredge up loads of stats on divorce. Some key points:

• The average marriage contracted now has a 45% chance of ending in divorce. (That leaves 55% that end in death, so that's quite a stark choice when you think about it. Which would you prefer? )
• Although nearly half of divorces take place in the first 10 years of marriage, there's a very long tail to the distribution. 7.5% of marriages end in divorce after 20 years, and 1.5% after 30 years.And even after 40 years, there are still around 1 per 1000 couples a year getting divorced. It seems that there's no age at which a head can't be turned or a straw break the camel's back.
• By the 40th anniversary, less than 40% of couples are married still, with 45% of marriages having ended in divorce and 15% the other way.

These figures are all projections, based on what has happened in the past.

The average marriage contracted now has a 45% chance of ending in divorce.

By the 40th anniversary, .....with 45% of marriages having ended in divorce

So if you make it to your 40th, your fine?

Any genetic disposition? Both parents and in-laws have been married 48 years.

GDB2222

silvercar wrote: »

The average marriage contracted now has a 45% chance of ending in divorce.

By the 40th anniversary, .....with 45% of marriages having ended in divorce

So if you make it to your 40th, your fine?

Any genetic disposition? Both parents and in-laws have been married 48 years.

There are still another 0.3% of the original marriages that end in divorce after 40 years.

There are lots of things that affect this. Getting married younger increases the chance of divorce, and vice versa. A divorced person getting married has a higher chance of divorcing again. There are other factors that have not been explored statistically AFAIK, for example religion and ethnic background. Work is a significant factor, as for example MPs are said to have a higher than average divorce rate.

I don't know about genetics, but I would guess that parental example is a very strong factor. If you come from a stable and loving family background, I expect that that will have a profound effect on how you will behave within your own marriage, what you will expect from marriage and how you will value it.

LydiaJ

A bloke called John Gottman has made it his life's work to study marriage success and failure from a scientific point of view. He quantifies and encodes all sort of things about the way marriage partners interact with each other, and the sorts of answers they give to interview questions, and then he follows the couples up over the next 20 years to see which ones make it and which don't. Apparently he now has about 95% success rate at predicting who will fall in which camp.

He's written a book about his research for the non-specialist reader. I find it fascinating. You can get it from Amazon.

His most memorable finding is that marriages do best if they totally eliminate criticism, contempt, stone-walling and defensiveness.

[To clarify the terminology...
Stone-walling means refusing to reply or react to what the other person does or says.
Also, he distinguishes between
Complaint: "You forgot to put the bins out so now they won't get emptied for another week."
Criticism: "You always forget to put the bins out."
Contempt: "You're so useless, you always forget to put the bins out."]

fc123

PasturesNew wrote: »

Feeling "in suspended animation" here I guess... no idea what's next. Might be a few blasts in a machine and it's fixed, or maybe whip some bits out and it's fixed, or .... well, maybe already had our last Xmas. I guess we're waiting for a phone call to make some appointment to go see somebody in that field, to maybe prod about more/take more photos or whatever. Really no idea what happens ... and the old one has no clue either... ever.

That's the thing isn't it, not knowing.

lostinrates wrote: »

Hey, where is tomterm? AWOL??

PN I think it will feel ''suspended animation'' until you know further the extent and plans from here and even then it will feel''out of step''. Take care.

Sorry to hear your news PN...nothing constructive to add but can you go with him to his next appt.? and sending big ((())) too.

OH did this with his mother who doesn't ask any questions at all......though she ignores all the lifestyle advice anyway.

...and (()) to everyone else too who are dealing with difficult times.

Pobby

GDB2222 wrote: »

"little sis being deserted by her husband of 30 years"

That's surprisingly common. I've just finished a report for a court case, and I had to dredge up loads of stats on divorce. Some key points:

• The average marriage contracted now has a 45% chance of ending in divorce. (That leaves 55% that end in death, so that's quite a stark choice when you think about it. Which would you prefer? )
• Although nearly half of divorces take place in the first 10 years of marriage, there's a very long tail to the distribution. 7.5% of marriages end in divorce after 20 years, and 1.5% after 30 years.And even after 40 years, there are still around 1 per 1000 couples a year getting divorced. It seems that there's no age at which a head can't be turned or a straw break the camel's back.
• By the 40th anniversary, less than 40% of couples are married still, with 45% of marriages having ended in divorce and 15% the other way.

These figures are all projections, based on what has happened in the past.

Thanks. I thought it was something like that. I guess I have little experience of divorce. We took our vows and that was it. Maybe it is to do with not just a wife but your best mate.

In little sis the fallout is very difficult. Apart from the devastation of being chucked over for a younger party and making it for the world to see on FaceBook, in my book, a lousy and insensitive thing to do.

She is vunerable. Still a mortgage on the house and depending on ex to pay it, plus a bit more cash to keep it going. Gets even more complicated.

Older boy works for father, has a stupid £200,000 mortgage on a little house ( glad Hamish is not here, would most likely think it is a good idea ). You can imagine how that much is. Girlfriend in the family way and got a bit of cash. So once again my God son goes out and buys a Golf GTI. Father is a roofer. As you might imagine the building game is not a hot spot.

Youngest lad, who has anger issues also works for Father. Complicated I feel.

Now, my niece is living at home at 24. Well you would near London with the dumb price of shelter. Also youngest boy, 19.

Sooner or later, laughing boy will want part of the house. For him it is fine, new girlfriend has a part share in a house.

However our sis will be left with little more than a one bedroom flat. I worry what my God children will do. Not earning a great deal and in an uncertain economy.

Ex husband suggested we buy out his share. Having no kids ourselves, yes we could do it as we are all close. However I see it as a no goer. Big enough yet I think we would get major problems.

Also very sad that sis will be a Grandma shortly. All our side of the family have turned against him including his kids. Most of his family are not over joyed.

What with all this, and I am fond of little sis. Me having a breakdown and now fired , My working like a mad thing. All a bit Pete Tong.

Wish the clock could turn back. No ponzi HPI . No stupid lending. I think that we would be in a much nicer place.

Anyway, my rant.

HAMISH_MCTAVISH

Pobby wrote: »

glad Hamish is not here.

Hamish is everywhere....;)

Loughton_Monkey

HAMISH_MCTAVISH wrote: »

Hamish is everywhere....;)

Move along now.

You are not 'nice'. You are almost as venemous as me. Neither of us belong here.