* Advise needed - benefits... *

cit_k

dmg24 wrote: »

The OP works with people with MH conditions, they are in a pretty good position to comment on how bad their mother is.

To suggest that someone with the condition that the OP has described may not be capable of managing their own affairs is disrespectful to all those with MH conditions, including people who are much worse than described, who battle on because they have to.

Mental capacity is a very serious area, and to suggest that someone might lack capacity has implications far beyond an ESA application. I think you need to get a little perspective.

I dont see how it would be disrespectful seeing as the o/p stated

In my opinion, she does suffer from agoraphobia, depression, fatigue, and certainly is paranoid and self-centred. I ALWAYS have to fill in forms etc and do everything for her like this. She is clueless when it comes down to this. Even her pension, it will be myself that will have to look into it, or she would just leave it. I really do have no choice...

The above description does not sound like someone managing their own affairs very well does it? If someone has to deal with everything for her.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

OP i realy feel for you and i believe if you let her go on her own two feet yes she may fall but only she can pick her self up and get on with it, sounds to me she's got to reliant on you to do it all for her, your the only one who would do it and knows that all her crying and pleading will eventually get you to crack and do it over again filling in forms and everything else. ofcourse if you tell her your not doing this and that she's going to obstuct your from doing so with wild excuses and threats. youve got to be strong for you and to help her. i beleive you have to be cruel to be kind here.

you can still apeal the decisions but you have to write a detailed letter why you didnt do so earlier that decision will be down to the tribunal services to uphold an appeal or disallow it.

her gp doesnt know what to do with her? she/he does but cant be bothered, change her doctor, get her refured to LMHT (local mental health) and social services you can also self refure to social services and they can assess her needs but without GP back up this will be a long process. call your local council SS and ask advice!

if your local ss interviene then they can refure her to MH help or atleast give you mums assessment and needs for to your GP to give him her a better picture of the help she needs and he can give her a refural. in all honesty your not going to get anywhere by doing it all for her and taking the burden of her and your lifes on your own, your going to have to let go for the good of your mum and you.

GlasweJen

GPs can refer all they like, if someone refuses to see the local mental health team/wont allow social work to become involved then there isn't much they can do unless the individual is at the stage where they are a danger to other/themself at which point they get sectioned.

RacyRed

Hi Blue Diamond.

Sorry to hear about your problems with your Mum. I am another who has experience of how difficult an over-reliant parent can be (in my case an in-law who has to have everything done for her and costs her children a lot of quality of life).

One suggestion has crossed my mind, is your mum computer literate? Can she handle a phone? Is there any reason why she couldn't learn these skills? If so there is surely nothing stopping her from working from home. The pay rates tend not to be great but it is better than benefits. She may also be able to find jobs that enable her to work flexibly so she is not "tied" to certain hours, although she will probably need to do a certain number of hours per week.

From what you have said I'm sure she will object, but perhaps if you give her a list of possible jobs from the Up your Income board and stop supporting her she will find a way to get on with it?

Blue_Diamond

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Does she have any savings? Who owns the house you both live in? If she has equity in it then maybe she should sell up and rent, using the money from the house to live on.

You say you are about to get married - are you planning to move out of the house anyway then?

Why was her ESA stopped if she was getting it before?

I think she needs a short sharp shock, and I suspect that she isn't as ill as she makes out.

She has no savings, the equitly is 50 / 50, split between both of us.

Good idea selling up and letting her live of the money, but would be a shame and a waste........

Blue_Diamond

kendalls_cave wrote: »

even with a mental illness ( like any other illness) You have a choice to give up or make the best of your life.

I could have given up a long time ago with bipolar, but I refuse to be beaten and I refuse to let mt friends ( I don't have family) be my carers, they are friends not carers,
I am sorry but your mum needs a reality check before she realizes she has driven everyone away.

You seem like a strong determined person, and coping with biplar. You havent given up as u appreciate your life and want to live it to the fullest. Unlike my mother, she has 100% given up on life... but well done to you, glad to hear there are peps like you who carry on to succeed

Jowo_2

Blue_Diamond wrote: »

She has no savings, the equitly is 50 / 50, split between both of us.

Good idea selling up and letting her live of the money, but would be a shame and a waste........

But surely you'd need to sell up in order to buy a place together with your fiance?

Otherwise you'd have to pay towards the mortgage after you move out and would struggle to pay towards the second household you make with your partner?

Blue_Diamond

Jowo wrote: »

But surely you'd need to sell up in order to buy a place together with your fiance?

Otherwise you'd have to pay towards the mortgage after you move out and would struggle to pay towards the second household you make with your partner?

You have a very good point... food for thought...

Mortgage is all paid for. When I get married, I wouldnt know what to do with my mum. Investment wise, not the best option, however, it would make my life easier, and she wouldn't bother having to claim any benefits!!! Ummm... interesting! Thanks Jowo xx

merlin68

I have a mother in law like this and it's very hard. she didn't want my hubbie to get married as she depended on him. She's very manipulative, i've had to gradually cut contact since October as she was driving me up the wall and do you know she has managed.
She refuses to put the heating on as she wants us to travel an hour round trip to cut it up for her well OH is not doing it for the next twenty years. His cut the wood up once so far.
I ring her every day and this morning, I got i'm really ill I need to get to the Dr's, so I told her to ring an ambulance if she can't get out i'm not risking our lives in this weather.
All we get is sob stories about how she'll starve, go cold etc.

Blue_Diamond

RacyRed wrote: »

Hi Blue Diamond.

Sorry to hear about your problems with your Mum. I am another who has experience of how difficult an over-reliant parent can be (in my case an in-law who has to have everything done for her and costs her children a lot of quality of life).

One suggestion has crossed my mind, is your mum computer literate? Can she handle a phone? Is there any reason why she couldn't learn these skills? If so there is surely nothing stopping her from working from home. The pay rates tend not to be great but it is better than benefits. She may also be able to find jobs that enable her to work flexibly so she is not "tied" to certain hours, although she will probably need to do a certain number of hours per week.

From what you have said I'm sure she will object, but perhaps if you give her a list of possible jobs from the Up your Income board and stop supporting her she will find a way to get on with it?

Hi Racy Red,

Thanks for the reply. My mum is not computer literate, nor can handle a phone. She is not a people's person at all. She has just given up on life altogether and always states she just wants to die. I feel she has no hope, no strengh etc. However, being my mother, I feel I should be able to provide her with the best life as possible...but am just realising I cant really do this...

Do you have any links for these jobs working from home? I did look at a few, many of which were scams...