4 Weeks pregnant can I survive

abby1234519

Hullo, been a while since I've been here but seeing as talking to my parents is basically a no go area I'm going to turn to the internet!

I'm 21 nearly 22, in my first year of uni. Well working till January then taking my second semester of 1st year (did 1st semester last year). Finish uni in May I think thats when the exam is.

I've worked out, according to when my last time of the month was and other factors that I might be up to 3 weeks pregnant. Did three tests today and all had the same results.

Now....I'm kinda anti abortion. Have been brought up like this. However I am a student. BUT the problem is I am slightly bipolar, I've been okay for a while and its never been bad. But I do have circa 10k of debt which is a bit stressful. So part of me says yes, abortion......but I know I would probably regret it.

SO I do have to weigh up the options. I know its not necessarily ideal to have a child whilst studying but I am fairly mature and if its going to happen, its going to happen.

I just don't know how to work out what my income could be? I refuse to bring a child into a world where I can't feed him/her

Not sure what I am asking her, I simply can't ask my parents for advice as I tend to stress them out with my antics.

Loanranger

Talk to the people at the Brook Advisory Service
http://www.brook.org.uk/index.php

lisalovesabargain

There was never a girl who stressed her parents out more than me... mums are amazing at this stuff...however if you feel she's really really not able to take it (mums will take almost anything hun) then you will have to go it alone. What is the fathers input?
I was a mental girl in lots of debt and i liked to party, i took stuff and was a complete rebel with parents who wondered what the hell had happened to their daughter. However at 19 i went home pregnant...i had an abortion, i understand this isnt for everyone but my god at the time it really was the best thing, it was on my mums advice and i hated her for a bit for it but my god she was right. They were so cool about it too, which helped a lot, after the initial stress of course, i was that bad i used to tell myself, that after a few days they will have calmed down and then everything will be ok, and it was.
I am now 27 with an amazing daughter of nearly 2, an amazing job, great friends a house, debt free (almost) and in the perfect position to respect my mum for her advice back then. Not that i dont think about it but my daughter has the perfect life now, i did all i needed to do before having her and now im a different person.
Anyway, my point is, your not 19, your obviously quite clever and at some point knew what you wanted, this is a spanner in the works, you can either have an abortion which you will get over one day and carry on as you are right now, with the slight chance of a randomly crazy couple of years (student, drinking, getting upset now and then abput the abortion) or you can have the baby which is life changing, the sort of change you must be ready for or you really will let your parents down. You have to give up going out whenever you want, you have to give up those size 10's for what feel's like forever, if your going to be single, you will have to take into account that any future boyfriends could possibly be child haters or worse (i dont know why this just happens its that protective thing im sure) youll have to think about a less important career that fits around being a mum and provides for you both, youll have to give up a lot of friends that will no longer have anything in common with you anymore, and youll have to lose that morning routine of lazing about chainsmoking while straightening your hair, doing your make up going to the pub getting hammered just cos you can etc....
anyway im not sure im being helpful but thats my experience, and you know what i love it being a mum right now, but at 19 it would have ruined that poor childs life. xx

esmf73

Firstly - have a big hug (((()))) thats what I'd do if you were my daughter. Secondly I'd tell you that we are in this together. Having a baby isn't for everyone. Simply put - lisalovesa bargain is right. You have to give up a lot of your time and life. My boys are now 6 and 5 and I'm 37. I honestly can't imagine having had them earlier in life - sometimes it is the knowledge that I've had my chance to do the things I wanted to that keeps me going.

My first baby was a gem - I thought I was the perfect Mum and it was easy. At 6 he is now very difficult and has suspected autism / aspergers and demands 90% of my time. My second baby was a nightmare and screamed almost constantly until he was 6 months old. Coming on the back of such a perfect baby this plunged me into PND which I didn't recognise. Now he is a healthy, happy and cheeky 5 yr old. I have just gone back to part time work - something for me!

As much as my OH has been a pain in the bu* sometimes I know that I wouldn't have got through it without having someone else to hand the children over to when it gets too much. NOT saying that this needs to be a husband or wife or partner, but I think it helps when you have someone who can help if necessary. Be it a friend or whoever. As for abortion or not - I don't think it is something that anyone can make the decision or influence you as they may not be in your position. Personally I'm pro choice - meaning that I think that women should be able to make the choice.

PM me anytime if you'd like to - am happy to help.

minimoneysaver

There are other options. There is also adoption, but that isn't for everyone. Only you know your mum & your family, to know who would be best placed to give the best advice. Take advice from everywhere. It sounds harsh, but what about making a pro and con list? If I am really struggling with making a choice, I find it helps me.

JoJoB

I wouldn't stress about having to claim benefits in the short term. You are going to uni and have goals in terms of wanting a career etc so it is more than likely you will contribute via your taxes eventually.

Speak to your student advisor (usually known as a paa). They will be able to let you know what help is available in terms of childcare/creches/taking a year off etc. Also book an appointment with the citizens advice bureau to check what benefits you would be entitled to - it may be the case that you also get help towards uni fees.

Indie_Kid

Does the father know? I would also suggest that you discuss this with your parents.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Is going part-time an option?

onlyroz

Are you living at home or in student accomodation? Are you in an expensive area (e.g. it's much more costly to be at uni in London than in somewhere further north). Does the university have creche facilities? I'd suggest speaking to your senior tutor (or whoever is responsible for the welfare of the undergrad students in your department). While it's rare for undergrads to have children during their studies it can be done (I know one girl who had a baby between her second and third year - it was certainly tough, but she got through and graduated).

The key concern, if you keep the baby and want to continue studying, will be finance - I'm not sure what benefits you might be entitled to, but things would be *much* easier if you've got supportive parents or a supportive partner - and only you will know whether this is likely to be the case.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well - but remember that having a child does *not* have to mean the end of your education or career aspirations.

Jewel_2

By far, the easiest decision to make is the one to talk to your mum - if you don't you will have bigger, harder decisions to make which will make this tiny one of being brave look insignificant.

I have a 12 year old and I would be so upset if she didn't tell me - yes I might be angry, livid, bang around a bit and say why why why. But then I would make sure she was cared for, 100%.

Plans_all_plans

Well my heart totally goes out to you! I know exactly what you're going through, only I was in the middle of my finals when I found out I was pregnant. I was 20. It was an absolute nightmare and I went back and forth in my mind as to what I was going to do until I was 4 months gone. In your case, does the father know?

I too was brought up in a strongly anti-abortion family so couldn't talk to my parents/sister about it as I didn't want them to sway my decision. I was also really scared to tell them I was pregnant though as they'd brought me up to not have sex before marriage. They were so supportive though when I finally told them I was pregnant and having a baby it was unbelievable.

I booked 2 appointments at the clinic but went through with neither as I knew in my heart of hearts I'd regret it forever and I also felt that I'd never forgive myself.

I now have a lovely 4 year old daughter and my boyfriend from uni/her dad is now my husband. We had only been together 5 months when we found out and didnt have a job between us!! I'm not saying it wasn't damn hard work, but the way I looked at it was that I'd always seen myself becoming a mother one day, but it had just happened sooner than I'd expected.

There is info available here regarding financial help from the government http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchildren/index.htmand your uni should have an Access to Learning Fund which you will be eligible for if you get into financial difficulties. Your student services centre should be able to tell you about deferring a year/creche facilities/other help available.

I would also recommend talking to the charity LIFE (they are pro-life but counsel women who are experiencing crisis pregnancies) They wont tell you how to get an abortion if you decide you want one, but they will be able to help you access benefits/housing etc if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy. http://www.lifecharity.org.uk/need-help

I wish you the very best of luck.

welshmoneylover

Like the others have said, get some impartial advice but my advice is not to do something you could regret for the rest of your life.

Whatever decision you make is going to be final, good luck x