This debt must go

starnac

Computer says no! No place for me in the VLM ballot unfortunately. There's always 2017 instead!

starnac

What a rainy, miserable morning it is here. Matches my mood though unfortunately

I had a lovely weekend. Although I had the worse run ever on sunday. I did the Cardiff Half Marathon and it was awful. I struggled from about mile 5, which is never a good sign as it's not even half way :eek: I don't think I have walked so much in a race ever! My legs felt heavy, I just felt incapable of finishing. I was pretty much dragged round to the finish but after I finished I felt sick and dizzy. It was awful.

I had a chat with one of the coaches at my running club last night and in the nicest possible way he told me to pull myself together so I've decided it might be a good idea to start from scratch again. Don't think I'll start right at the beginning but I do have a Couch to 10k app on my phone which is like the next step up from the couch to 5k, and I think I might start doing that and building myself back up again.

I've also just been to the doctors. Took a lot of courage to go and my heart was pounding sat in the waiting room! Good job he didn't take my blood pressure as it may have been through the roof! Anyway I went to see if I could be anaemic as I'm so tired all the time. I'm so exhausted all the time I struggle to get even the basic things done. It doesn't matter how long I sleep for I'm still tired and this has been going on for months. I was afraid to go in case he said "well you've got 2 kids what do you expect?" but after finding the run so hard on the weekend (and I know I can do the distance so I wasn't overtaxing myself) I forced myself to go.

Anyway the doctor was really nice. He did say to me that sometimes we just have no energy and there's no medical reason for it but he said he would take bloods anyway. When I mentioned my hair falling out he said he would check my thyroid too. He doesn't hold out much hope of the blood tests finding anything but he told me that I wasn't being silly going to see him and he was perfectly happy to test me. I'll just have to see now if there is anything wrong or if I am just being lazy.

I think I just needed to get it all out.

Cheery_Daff

Aw starnac, didn't realise you were feeling so rough lass And sorry you had a rotten half at the weekend Hope the doc can find something wrong and sort it out for you - if it's thyroid related it's pretty easy to fix and I promise you'll feel MUCH better when they do (having had an overactive thyroid, then gone underactive after they took it out and hadn't yet got the medication right, I know how awful it can be, and also how much better when they've sorted it!)

And if it's not that, then I hope it's something else easy to sort. Nobody should have to feel like that all the time xxx

starnac

Well my blood tests all came back normal which is good but still doesn't help me. So I'm looking at diet now. One of the coaches at my running club has offered to look at what I eat and give me advice. My problem is I know the theory of nutrition etc. I know that an apple is better for you than a biscuit for instance but I really struggle with the practical. So let's hope a diet overhaul can help.

It's half term here. Yesterday we didn't even get dressed. The kids watched DVDs and played and I pottered about doing various bits and pieces. We do need to pop to the post office today and DD wants to go to the library but we can walk to both of those so a bit of fresh air will be good for us.

Cheery_Daff

((((()))))))) have another hug. So difficult feeling like there's something wrong but not being able to find it. Hope the running coach can help x

starnac

Thanks Cheery. I hope so too.

I've had a strange morning. Not really sure how to describe it. A friend rang earlier and made an offhand comment about something. Now I'm pretty sure it was an innocent comment and nothing was meant by it but I've read something into it (which I doubt was there) and now I feel pretty guilty about something that's not even my fault it's ridiculous really. Firstly I'm sure it wasn't meant in the way I've taken it and secondly it's not even my fault so why am I feeling guilty?

So to make up for my guilt/inadequacy I've scrubbed the kitchen and made some things to sell for charity. Silver lining and all that!

I promised the kids a trip to the library this afternoon but it is hammering down so it looks like we won't go We do have the car tomorrow as I need to pop into town, so we can pop to the big library there instead or we can call into the little one in the village on the way home

starnac

Today has gone from bad to worse. DD and I had a row as she wasn't listening to me and she turned around and said "what's happened to you mam? You're so mean these days!" Absolutely gutted! I mean I could ask her the same thing. What has happened to my sweet little girl? All I get these days is attitude. But all the same I hate that she thinks I'm just being mean. Gutted!

Cheery_Daff

Aw starnac ((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))) some days just need to be stopped and started again We all say 'mean' things sometimes (or interpret what other people say as mean), doesn't mean we've turned into a mean person, if you see what I mean. Be kind to yourself lass xx

(how many times did I say 'mean' there?! Sorry!)

clearmydebts

Aw please don't worry. Kids tend to live in the moment so she probably meant you were cranky today. Tomorrow is another day. Just accept today was a bad one and look forward to a better one tomorrow xxx

Pippilongstocking

Have a huge hug. if you're mega tired all the time you're bound to be feeling a bit sensitive (and rightly so) and DD will just be letting off steam from a day of being held captive by the rain. And they can certainly push the attitude buttons.

Hugs and plenty of them. Hope you get it sorted. I really struggle at this time of year too, don't know why. DH says the seasons changing knocks him for six.

xxxx