Stopped Paying

Becc4

No, the way I read it the OP wants more contact, and feels the only way to do it is to is this way (please OP correct me if I am wrong).

Loopy_Girl

Becc4 wrote: »

why do you think contact is between parent and child only? if the ex re marries will she keep new man in an annex to seperate children from him, I doubt it.

Seperate annexes...yeah that's what we all meant:cool:

The sorting out of contact is between the parents - they need to decide what is best for them and best for the child...it's not a place for anyone else to decide or dictate on.

Loopy_Girl

diabolical wrote: »

Hi, im prepared to be shot down here but i need to rant, need to be careful what i say tho incase she reads this.

My hubby has paid CS for the last 7 yrs he and his ex wife have been divorced.

For the last 3 yrs we have been living /working abroad.

She has played god with his daughters life, deciding when he can talk to her on the phone, when he can see her ect, the last time he spoke to his daughter was 3 months ago, she's 9 yrs old.

So iv put my foot down now and told him to end the payments, stop all contact, and wait till she realises he's stopped putting the cash in her bank and see what she does.

What do you think? its not like CSA will be involved as were in Saudi. He doesn't owe arrears or anything.

I feel awful for doing this but im also so peed off at the way she treats my hubby that i could swing for her, and thats putting it mildly.

She works, she gets all the benefits she's entitled to so i know his daughter wont starve.

Im hoping in a few months time she will come round and start letting them have a relationship.

Fire away........

Becc4....may I draw your attention to the bold parts. The OP has demanded that all contact is stopped...the Dad may want more contact but as it stands just now, even if the wee girl wanted to contact her Dad, she wouldn't be able to.

Still happy to defend her actions?

Becc4

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Agreed. Shame that the Dad in this case can't make sure this happens...hard to do it when you are half way round the world I guess....I wonder whose idea that was...

why does everyone think that its the NEW partner that makes everything worse! its not always the case.

Loopy_Girl

Becc4 wrote: »

why does everyone think that its the NEW partner that makes everything worse! its not always the case.

Dunno who 'everyone' is and no one is suggesting what you are saying...*confused*

AnxiousMum

Becc.....the new partner has no legal obligation, nor legal right over the child of their partner. While a supportive partner is fantastic to have, it's not my partner's responsibility to arrange contact, make the rules as to what will or won't happen with regards to my children. Hopefully it is something that we would do together through discussion - but (and my partner knows it) if he had EVER laid down rules regarding contact/financial support for my children, he'd have been shown the door. We have moved away also......but that was a decision that WE made, their father had the right to apply to the court to stop the children from moving - but only right he could've used to do that was going for custody himself which he didn't want. If my partner had said we wouldn't send the children to see their dad a few times a year as part of our move, then he quite simply wouldn't deserve the place as 'step' dad to my children. I've been able to deal with the child support arrears etc. the way I have felt appropriate - waiting and giving a chance before taking enforcement actions. Again, had my partner demanded that I do this or that, not knowing my ex the way I do, and with me trying to be careful with regards to the kids - he knows what the consequences would've been. My kids came first, and always would.

Having said that - if my partner had had children before I met him, I don't know that we'd be together, as I don't truly believe I could live up to my own expectations of a step parent - and that wouldn't be fair on the kids or the relationship.

Becc4

I give up, you've decided that all this ex partner needs is this mans money regardless of the long term implications of this strained relationship.

Do you really think the OP said 'i'm putting my foot down no more money for your child' and father said 'ok darling you are my new wife I will do everything you say?'....... or the father was at his wits end after another row/snipe etc, and this is the accumlation of years of childish behaviour.

I really feel for the OP and hubby, he obviously wants a relationship with his daughter, which is being denied. The OP has asked for opinions on her action etc. It probably wasnt a descsion they came upon lighty.

AnxiousMum

Becc4 wrote: »

why does everyone think that its the NEW partner that makes everything worse! its not always the case.

While it is the case in my situation, I'm certainly not 'everyone'!

AnxiousMum

Becc4 wrote: »

I give up, you've decided that all this ex partner needs is this mans money regardless of the long term implications of this strained relationship.

The ex needs nothing from the father of the daughter, but the daughter is entitled to receive financial support from her father, it's her right as his daughter.

Do you really think the OP said 'i'm putting my foot down no more money for your child' and father said 'ok darling you are my new wife I will do everything you say?'....... or the father was at his wits end after another row/snipe etc, and this is the accumlation of years of childish behaviour.
According to the OP's first post, yes, that's what she did. We don't know what the husband's response is, as she hasn't given his point of view, just the fact that she put her foot down and made a decision.
I really feel for the OP and hubby, he obviously wants a relationship with his daughter, which is being denied. The OP has asked for opinions on her action etc. It probably wasnt a descsion they came upon lighty.
I wonder if the daughter felt that she was denied a relationship with her father when he moved away without what seems to be proper enforceable orders in place so that they could guarantee seeing each other?

We can only make comments here based on what the OP has actually said in her posts.

DX2

diabolical wrote: »

if your ex wanted contact, always paid his maintance and then some, sent cards, gifts and other little trinkets to let his little girl know that he was thinking of her, would you still act like the venomus snake she's being, i doubt it.

I think I would die of shock.