Stopped Paying

diabolical_2

Hi, im prepared to be shot down here but i need to rant, need to be careful what i say tho incase she reads this.

My hubby has paid CS for the last 7 yrs he and his ex wife have been divorced.

For the last 3 yrs we have been living /working abroad.

She has played god with his daughters life, deciding when he can talk to her on the phone, when he can see her ect, the last time he spoke to his daughter was 3 months ago, she's 9 yrs old.

So iv put my foot down now and told him to end the payments, stop all contact, and wait till she realises he's stopped putting the cash in her bank and see what she does.

What do you think? its not like CSA will be involved as were in Saudi. He doesn't owe arrears or anything.

I feel awful for doing this but im also so peed off at the way she treats my hubby that i could swing for her, and thats putting it mildly.

She works, she gets all the benefits she's entitled to so i know his daughter wont starve.

Im hoping in a few months time she will come round and start letting them have a relationship.

Fire away........

lizzG

Not a good idea at all.
While i realise that you think this is a way of getting back at the ex, I fear this will come back and bite you on the bum so to speak.

shell_542

Contact and Child Support shouldn't be linked.

Did his decision to move abroad not have an impact on his contact with his daughter too?

AnxiousMum

So if they are divorced, why do they not also have an order for access to the child in place? If she is indeed the type of person you describe, then no doubt she will also stoop to telling the child that daddy's no longer helping out, so no you have to go without this or that etc.

Sorry but when it's a child who is in the centre of all of this - you need to take the CHILD's needs, emotions and well being into account - not spite. There is no room for spite where children are involved.

If you are concerned about contact, then go through the right channels to get that sorted.

Does your partner have parent responsibility of the child? Can he call her school and maybe make arrangements with her school that he gets to call her there? As the weekends in Saudi are different to the weekends here, I'm sure he could accommodate that - maybe easier than calling his daughter during her 'weekends'.

Don't play the same game as the mother - it will harm the relationship with the child. Find ways instead to try and work around the mother to maintain contact.

tamarto

If she is as you say, why would you want to play into her hands?

How do you think your step daughter will feel if she finds out her dad doesn't want to pay for her? and why would you want her to suffer (even if she isn't starved) just so you can get back at her mum?

To be totally honest i think your hubby needs to tell you to back off and leave him to it, it isn't up to you to tell him to stop all contact!

Whether contact is regular or not is immiterial to the fact that your husband should be providing for a child he helped produce!

Barneysmom

I'm quite shocked by this.
What is his ex-wife's financial position, could the child be possibly go hungry because of a few phone calls.
He needs to sit and write or phone his ex-wife and get everything out in the open and get it sorted for the bab's sake, not out of vengance.
Never mind arguments or pride, it's the child's welfare that matters.

diabolical_2

Really appreciate the quick replies. Everything you have all said has been done. Hubby has been to court a few times regarding access and has been awarded set dates/times ect, when were in the UK ofcourse, but, she never complied, always excuses.

This isn't vengance or spite, its desperation, seeing my husband so upset has brought this on me, i dont know what else he can do.

We have tried and tried to be amicable, he has been treated like s--- by her, she said jump and he asked how high! He would do anything for contact, flying back to the Uk to take his daugher on holidays ect but nope, nothing has worked. I d have thought after all this time she would have calmed down and her anger and malice would have gone but nope, she's hits my hubby where it hurts and thats not his pockets its his child.

diabolical_2

Barneysmom wrote: »

I'm quite shocked by this.
What is his ex-wife's financial position, could the child be possibly go hungry because of a few phone calls.
He needs to sit and write or phone his ex-wife and get everything out in the open and get it sorted for the bab's sake, not out of vengance.
Never mind arguments or pride, it's the child's welfare that matters.

She works and gets all she's entitled to so no his child wont go hungry.

He also gives his daughter pocket money every month into her own bank account and he will continue to do this.

shell_542

But he's stooping to her level and will give her more ammunition to disrupt contact and the relationship between them, because now she will tell her daughter "your Dad doesn't pay for you either". Surely it would be better to continue paying so that his daughter doesn't lose out and wait it out. She will grow up and he can show her that he did try to provide for her and see her.

dizzybuff

Both Parents , you included on your husbands side are playing a very dangerous game.

As a child of a very bitter divorce , I know this poor 9 year old will suffer no matter what happens .

As suggested contact the school then at least your hubby can talk to his daughter , he wont be breaking any rules.

Contact is so important for a child that age , regardless of what the ex wife is doing your husband has to do whatever he can to get in contact with his daughter.

I would have killed to have my dad phone me , but my mum never let me answer the phone and screened all calls through bitterness.

I for one will never forgive her for that .

He just has to do everything he can .

diabolical_2

Do you think the school would let my hubby to talk to her, because i know that the ex would not agree to that, but it would be brilliant if it were true.
Please remember, this isn't a game we are playing, we do realise the impact this could have on his daughter, but what the heck is he supposed to do?

Surely to god if she needs the cash she will put her bitterness away and let them have a relationship, because if she doesn't then we will take another route, although with being abroad iv no idea which one to take!