Stopped Paying

corbyboy

diabolical wrote: »

we think of that little girl growing up with no contact from her father because the mother wont let it happen, one month depending on her mood my husband can chat away to his wee one and arrange to phone the same time the following week and then the mother gets a flea in her knickers about something and we get mails and texts telling him he cant have contact again until she is 16........ and it goes on and on.

So keep all this evidence and go to court and then go again and again and again. Do it through the proper channels and don't punish his daughter for the mother's actions.

FBaby

Like others have said, it is not YOUR business. It is between the mother and the father. If your hubby is okay to continue to pay, then that's his decision, if he decides he wants to stop, it is up to him. It is hard enough for two separated parents to deal with their differences and try to resolve issues without partners getting involved. A lot of the times, that what is at the centre of the trouble any way. I have that exact same issue. My ex and I just about manage to get along amicably, but his partner always has to get involved in things that leads to conflict. Like today, my kids told me that he and her were arguing yesterday because she was telling him that because the kids were with me last year for Christmas meal, they should be with them this year, making a massive issue of it. Last year, they were with me because he asked if they could stay with him Chritmas eve and Christmas morning, so I was accommodating to his request. My ex partner and I haven't even discussed arrangements for this year yet, so what is it her business to already impose what she sees right?

I would tell you to back off, you might not know all what is behind the scene. The PWC might have some reasons to be upset that you are clueless about. For a start, you as a couple have made the decision to move miles away making contact difficult in itself. Surely if contact was a problem to start with, moving away was only going to make matter much worse. If your hubby is suffering so much from the lack of contact, than surely he should have made it his priority.

Becc4

wow wow a minuite it is the OP business, she is married to the father of this child she sees the heart ache that no contact with his daughter is causing him, I agree with the OP, (shoot me down in flames too). all you PWC have no idea what us SECOND wives have to go though to, sometimes I feel like i'm jumping through hoops, and yes i am happy if hubby is happy, but when he gets let down last min, guess who has to pick the pieces up, that right us. aaagggghhhh.....
sometimes it's about more than the money. the OP has already stated she and the father have offered to fly back to visit etc, but no eveybody feels she's playing games. I dont agree. why should PWC always play the martyr, it really annoys me.

(sorry OP hope you dont mind me ranting a bit)

sulkisu

diabolical wrote: »

Ok, so now im the monster, fair enough as i have asked for advice.

Everyone is saying, think of the child, well we do, thats all hubby and i have done, for yrs, we think of that little girl growing up with no contact from her father because the mother wont let it happen, one month depending on her mood my husband can chat away to his wee one and arrange to phone the same time the following week and then the mother gets a flea in her knickers about something and we get mails and texts telling him he cant have contact again until she is 16........ and it goes on and on.

I may be seen now as being as bad as the mother but there you go, were fighting fire with fire and thats not going to change until either she gives in and agree's to let contact happen regularly or no more cash, simple as that.

I get the feeling theres alot of grieved off mothers out there giving me there opinions on this but, if your ex wanted contact, always paid his maintance and then some, sent cards, gifts and other little trinkets to let his little girl know that he was thinking of her, would you still act like the venomus snake she's being, i doubt it.

I don't think that you are a monster, but I do think that you are making a big mistake. You mention wanting regular contact, but as others have mentioned, didn't your husband think of that before he moved halfway around the world? What impact did that have on his daughter?

You said that your husband was going to stop support to see what his ex-wife would do? All she needs to do is tell her daughter the truth - that her father moved thousands of miles away, and then stopped paying child support because his new wife told him to. She won't need to do or say anything else - and once his daughter is old enough to really understand that, and old enough to build a relationship with her father despite her mothers feelings, the chances are that she won't want to know him (what child would?) - and your husband can kiss any hope of a relationship with his daughter goodbye. When that happens be prepared for the possibility that your husband will hold you at least partially responsible (after all, it was your idea.)

Children are generally pretty astute and if the mother is playing games, and her father is doing his best, eventually his daughter will see that, but not if he continues with this course of action.

I speak from experience. My partner was in your husbands position. However he always paid support, whether he was allowed to see the children or not. On the rare occasions that my partner couldn't afford to buy what they needed, I bought things on his behalf because we were both determined that no matter what happened, his kids could never say that their father was not there for them and did not provide for them.
His 'kids' are now 16 and 19 and despite their mothers games/spite/malice and attempts to turn the kids against him (which inluded changing their surnames, throwing away cards and gifts that he had sent pretending that he had forgotten their birthdays, not allowing them to speak to him or see him, making false allegations to the police to get an injunction against him), he has a close loving relationship with them - their choice, not hers. It wasn't easy, we felt as frustrated and angry as you do, but it was worth it in the end.

Loopy_Girl

diabolical wrote: »

act like the venomus snake she's being

Pot. Kettle and Black

She is acting the way she is because she is bitter about the split.

You, on the other hand, are viewing your husband's daughter as a pay perview commodity.

AnxiousMum

diabolical wrote: »

Ok, so now im the monster, fair enough as i have asked for advice.

Everyone is saying, think of the child, well we do, thats all hubby and i have done, for yrs, we think of that little girl growing up with no contact from her father

Hang on a second......you and your husband moved away from the UK - that was your choice. Didn't you think of contact issues at the time and make sure that you had something concrete to be certain that contact would remain in place? You COULD always go for custody of the daughter if you feel that your home is the better place for her to be raised!

because the mother wont let it happen, one month depending on her mood my husband can chat away to his wee one and arrange to phone the same time the following week and then the mother gets a flea in her knickers about something and we get mails and texts telling him he cant have contact again until she is 16........ and it goes on and on.

So have enforced whatever arrangements you made before making such a big move!

I may be seen now as being as bad as the mother but there you go, were fighting fire with fire and thats not going to change until either she gives in and agree's to let contact happen regularly or no more cash, simple as that.

I refer to my post earlier in the thread - where my sons refer to their 'stepmum' as the 'b*tch their father is with' - she too stopped the child support -which unfortunately, she is now paying dearly for with a lien on their house, boat, truck, credit reporting, interception of any federal funds they get, and in order to put a stop to the credit reporting and cancellation of his drivers licence (which would've happened on his birthday in two days time) - they have had the nerve to dip into my children's trust funds which was started by me when they were born, and added to quite considerably by inheritances. Her actions have made him stoop to stealing from his own children in order to pay their child support arrears - now THAT will be a nasty nasty court hearing!

I get the feeling theres alot of grieved off mothers out there giving me there opinions on this but, if your ex wanted contact, always paid his maintance and then some, sent cards, gifts and other little trinkets to let his little girl know that he was thinking of her, would you still act like the venomus snake she's being, i doubt it.

'grieved off mothers'????? There's also alot of disgruntled partners out there poking their noses into relationships that they should simply be supportive of their partners in. You are the one who said 'I am putting my foot down - no more money' - never once did you say that your husband feels this way, and that you are supporting him in HIS decision. You may very well turn out to be 'the b*tch her father married' - purely down to the fact you want to fight fire with fire, the mother will no doubt bad mouth you to the child if she's that way inclined. Do it through the legal channels and make sure that the relationship with the child is not damaged by any of YOUR actions.

If you have to, then use the school for telephone contact in the mean time - I'm sure if your husband has the parental responsibility of the young girl, they cannot stop him from getting information from the school about how she's doing etc., and would encourage communication between father and daughter.

Loopy_Girl

Becc4 wrote: »

wow wow a minuite it is the OP business, she is married to the father of this child she sees the heart ache that no contact with his daughter is causing him, I agree with the OP, (shoot me down in flames too). all you PWC have no idea what us SECOND wives have to go though to, sometimes I feel like i'm jumping through hoops, and yes i am happy if hubby is happy, but when he gets let down last min, guess who has to pick the pieces up, that right us. aaagggghhhh.....
sometimes it's about more than the money. the OP has already stated she and the father have offered to fly back to visit etc, but no eveybody feels she's playing games. I dont agree. why should PWC always play the martyr, it really annoys me.

(sorry OP hope you dont mind me ranting a bit)

Contact between a child and their parent is between thm (and the resident parent) and no one else.

The OP had no right to 'put her foot down' and demand to her husband how it was going to be. She thinks relations are bad now? There's probable damage been done that will not be able to be rectified.

Whether the PWC is acting like an !!!! or not, he still has a legal obligation to provide for the upkeep of his child...and it's a shame he didn't have a set and tell he OP that.

Becc4

Children also have the right to stop them being exploited financially too, but that doesnt stop hundreds of PWC abusing the system does it!! and neither do all absent parents pay. every system is abused.

I belive the law states you are obligated to provide for your children, as I said it more than the money, as parents that 'share' care do not pay each other anything. Parents are obligated to provide a safe enviroment, physical and emotional support etc to allow the child to become a well balanced individual, not biased by a twisted ex.

We dont know the history of this case or what the OP has gone through.

why do you think contact is between parent and child only? if the ex re marries will she keep new man in an annex to seperate children from him, I doubt it. you cant dictated what an ex does any more that why they are an EX? if he has remarried, his new wife will play a part in the children lives, how can she not?

Loopy_Girl

So you think it's okay that the OP has demanded all contact be cut and all maintenance be cut?

wow

Loopy_Girl

Becc4 wrote: »

.
. Parents are obligated to provide a safe enviroment, physical and emotional support etc to allow the child to become a well balanced individual, not biased by a twisted ex.

Agreed. Shame that the Dad in this case can't make sure this happens...hard to do it when you are half way round the world I guess....I wonder whose idea that was...