Stopped Paying

tamarto

diabolical wrote: »

Do you think the school would let my hubby to talk to her, because i know that the ex would not agree to that, but it would be brilliant if it were true.
Please remember, this isn't a game we are playing, we do realise the impact this could have on his daughter, but what the heck is he supposed to do?

Surely to god if she needs the cash she will put her bitterness away and let them have a relationship, because if she doesn't then we will take another route, although with being abroad iv no idea which one to take!

So you realise the huge impact this could have on his daughter yet are determined to do it anyway? :eek:

You are playing a game, whether you want to admit it or not, shame the real loser in all this will be the little girl...

diabolical_2

But thats the whole point in this, nothing will change for his daughter will it, she still wont be allowed any contact with her dad due her mum being so vendictive and bitter towards her dad.

But atleast if he stops the payments we will find out whether it is for her own nastiness that she wont let him speak or because she doesn't need his cash to help support her child, if she does need the cash hopefully she'll be intouch willing to compromise some sort of deal where this child and her dad can atleast speak on the phone once a week.

DX2

diabolical wrote: »

its not like CSA will be involved as were in Saudi.

Away and grow up, do you realise how childish you sound!

You are playing a very dangerous game and it may well come back and bite you on the backside. You might have stopped paying child support and she may well never let the daughter have contact ever again. You are no better than the PWC.

RAS

diabolical wrote: »

Hi, im prepared to be shot down here but i need to rant, need to be careful what i say tho incase she reads this.

My hubby has paid CS for the last 7 yrs he and his ex wife have been divorced.

For the last 3 yrs we have been living /working abroad.

She has played god with his daughters life, deciding when he can talk to her on the phone, when he can see her ect, the last time he spoke to his daughter was 3 months ago, she's 9 yrs old.

So iv put my foot down now and told him to end the payments, stop all contact, and wait till she realises he's stopped putting the cash in her bank and see what she does.

What do you think? its not like CSA will be involved as were in Saudi. He doesn't owe arrears or anything.

I feel awful for doing this but im also so peed off at the way she treats my hubby that i could swing for her, and thats putting it mildly.

She works, she gets all the benefits she's entitled to so i know his daughter wont starve.

Im hoping in a few months time she will come round and start letting them have a relationship.

Fire away........

You are incredibly stupid. All three of you.

To start with your huisband has parental responsibility, which means that he is legally entitled to have copies of school reports, know about any issue, attend parent's eventings and school events. By law.

All you need to do it send a letter to the school and ask for that information. Obviously, it will be better if you accept that information by e-mail.

Secondly, your husband needs to go back to court and demand that his wife honours the access requirements. If there is any problem, he need to go to the High Court that day and get an order made. There is many a delinquent PWC who has spent days in custody for not complying with access arrangments.

As part of that, he needs to ask that twice a week, he is allowed to ring the school and speak to his daughter in lunch-time etc.

tamarto

diabolical wrote: »

But thats the whole point in this, nothing will change for his daughter will it, she still wont be allowed any contact with her dad due her mum being so vendictive and bitter towards her dad.

But atleast if he stops the payments we will find out whether it is for her own nastiness that she wont let him speak or because she doesn't need his cash to help support her child, if she does need the cash hopefully she'll be intouch willing to compromise some sort of deal where this child and her dad can atleast speak on the phone once a week.

You are deluded if you think nothing will change for the daughter, for a start less money will be coming into her house, for another she will know her dad isn't willing to pay for her, you seem so centred on hatred for the mother you are forgetting why he should be providing for his child, and that has nothing at all to do with contact.

Using money to get what you want makes you two as bad as the mother.

Loopy_Girl

Great idea...use a 9 year old in a war between her Mum and Dad - well done on that...I hope to christ you never have kids as you sound like a vile person.

And what the hell has it to do with you anyway? This is between your husband and his ex...unless he is so henpecked that he obeys when you 'put your foot down'.

I hope the daughter finds out what her darling StepMother demanded her Dad was to do...

As someone else said, you are no better than the Mother

AnxiousMum

So far, this all seems to be that the OP wants the father to stop paying, after all, it's her that has 'put her foot down' isn't it? I don't see anywhere where the father has said he wants to stop paying.

The OP actually sounds alot like my ex's new partner - he never had a problem with helping to support the kids, had great relationships with them, regular contact etc.......and then she entered the picture with her own child. She hates the fact that he was helping to support his two children, (and possibly that hers was more into skipping school/doing drugs) - and the month that she gave birth to their child together, was the last time he voluntarily paid his child support. Phone calls have gone from weekly to every couple of months, and he hasn't been able to see the kids for almost two years. The kids don't refer to her as 'stepmum' or by name, other than 'the b*tch that's with my dad'......OP - is that how you want to be referred to? If not - butt out of your husband's relationship with his child - unless it is being involved to help it flourish.

Shermanator123

This sounds a lot like my situation my daughters father paid and had regular contact he got his new partner and my daughter didnt fit into her perfect bubble, money stopped, contact stopped my daughter now has washed her hands of her father its a shame that a woman can destroy a father/daughter relationship. You should be encouraging the father as im sure if you have children yourself you wouldnt want the same happening to your child. Karma always catches up with you!

dizzybuff

Shermanator123 wrote: »

This sounds a lot like my situation my daughters father paid and had regular contact he got his new partner and my daughter didnt fit into her perfect bubble, money stopped, contact stopped my daughter now has washed her hands of her father its a shame that a woman can destroy a father/daughter relationship. You should be encouraging the father as im sure if you have children yourself you wouldnt want the same happening to your child. Karma always catches up with you!

I so much agree with this , my dads partner attempted to come between my brother and me and my dad . My dad went along with it for a while and then realised he needed us and gave her an ultimatum.

She saw sense, she has been with my dad now longer than my dad was with my mum . Shes a great NANNie as she cant have kids herself. I still resent her for what she did to my dad and my relationship . However my kids love her and she is loving every minute of being a grand parent.

OP if you stay bitter and demand payments stop , so many people will suffer. Your SDS will resent you for the rest of her life , cut you out on treasured moments like the grandchildren she may go on to have.

Worth a thought.

diabolical_2

Ok, so now im the monster, fair enough as i have asked for advice.

Everyone is saying, think of the child, well we do, thats all hubby and i have done, for yrs, we think of that little girl growing up with no contact from her father because the mother wont let it happen, one month depending on her mood my husband can chat away to his wee one and arrange to phone the same time the following week and then the mother gets a flea in her knickers about something and we get mails and texts telling him he cant have contact again until she is 16........ and it goes on and on.

I may be seen now as being as bad as the mother but there you go, were fighting fire with fire and thats not going to change until either she gives in and agree's to let contact happen regularly or no more cash, simple as that.

I get the feeling theres alot of grieved off mothers out there giving me there opinions on this but, if your ex wanted contact, always paid his maintance and then some, sent cards, gifts and other little trinkets to let his little girl know that he was thinking of her, would you still act like the venomus snake she's being, i doubt it.