Acceptable contact for a non-resident father? *UPDATED POST #63*

ticklepenny_2

Hi,

My biological father is/was an alcoholic and divorced my mum whilst she was pregnant. Aware of the pregnancy he stated he didnt want a child. After I was born he suddenly had a change of heart and decided he wanted access he went through the courts for 1 year then gave up. The reason I say he is/was an alcoholic is down to the fact that I dont know if he is alive/dead so dont know which tense to use. My mum didnt tell me he was an alcoholic, this I found out from a family friend (mutual friend to mum and dad when they were married). My mum gave me all the information I needed to go find him but to be honest my Stepdad is the only dad I need in my life. I have mates who have had kids with alcoholics and whilst none of them are abusive in any way I wouldnt put them in the running for the father of the year award.

Summary of my ramble - If I was in your position I would not put his name on the birth certificate. At this point the only guaranteed responsible adult in your childs life is you. This paperwork can always be changed in the future.
See a solicitor ASAP! Much easier with out the bundle of [STRIKE]distraction[/STRIKE] joy present. Also means you know your rights from day 1, and so cant be intimidated.

HTH
x

emsywoo123

Hi just a brief update on this thread..........

Bubs was born on 16/11, by emergency c/section after an 84 (holy moley yes 84!) hour labour...........

I invited ex to see him on 17/11 in hosp, he came in, went home and then texted me at 1am, to say I either let him have full access as and when he wanted, on his terms, daily and at a time to suit him, or to not name him on the birth cert, not tell my son about his father, have no maint money, and to strictly never contact him again.

He said he wanted all or nothing.

Based on his behaviour in the past, and the fact I am about 90% sure he had drunk when he texted this, I opted for B. Not what I planned, but I was immobilised post surgery and felt totally put on the spot.

So there we have it.

RAS

I hope you have saved that text?

emsywoo123

RAS wrote: »

I hope you have saved that text?

Oh yes I have

Make-it-3

What a prize idiot Emsy, you're so better off without him. Hope you're enjoying lots of mummy-cuddles.

emsywoo123

Make-it-3 wrote: »

What a prize idiot Emsy, you're so better off without him. Hope you're enjoying lots of mummy-cuddles.

I am indeed

I am really saddened that it came to this, as I hope this thread shows it was never my intention for it to come to this, but it is him that will miss out.

Teenie_D

Oh emsy what an idiot he is! Silly, silly man

FBaby

Congratulations on the birth of your child!
How about replying to him and say that neither options are acceptable for the benefit of your child, that there is only one good option and that it is to get together, discussing peaceful, with the help of a mediator if preferred to decide on the best arrangements for YOUR CHILD.

I think you are giving up way to easily, much easier for you, but certainly not best for your child. He deserves to have some kind of relationship with his dad and you as his mum should try to encourage it even if 'you shouldn't have to do it'. You are doing for your child, not him.

emsywoo123

FBaby wrote: »

Congratulations on the birth of your child!
How about replying to him and say that neither options are acceptable for the benefit of your child, that there is only one good option and that it is to get together, discussing peaceful, with the help of a mediator if preferred to decide on the best arrangements for YOUR CHILD.

I think you are giving up way to easily, much easier for you, but certainly not best for your child. He deserves to have some kind of relationship with his dad and you as his mum should try to encourage it even if 'you shouldn't have to do it'. You are doing for your child, not him.

Because he has made his choice. The very fact that I believe he was drunk when he texted means that he has not stopped. He believes it was appropriate to give me this ultimatum when I was so shortly out of theatre. I struggle to see that I can trust his judgement? I am certainly doing nothing at the moment while I am feeling so delicate post birth

Charlie1978

Well I think he's a total a$$ and when he sobers up and realises that he can't get his own way he'll come round and you can then sit down and talk. I don't agree with trying to force issues. He tried to get his own way and you called his bluff. Fair play. At a time where he should be emotionally supporting you he's being a prize !!!!!! and I'm glad you haven't put up with it. He's probably sat there wondering how long you will leave him to stew. Let him stew! You have the company of your baby and unless he gives an inch he won't.

Oh.. and he has to pay maintenance whether he likes it or not. Bloody blackmailers make my blood boil! :mad: :mad: