What do you wish you had known with your first newborn?

**curlywurly**

bylromarha wrote: »

I wish someone had told me to be more bolshy in the hospital in the hours after birth.

This is the best piece of advice here. I wholly agree. I had to discharge myself because they just left me and DD in a corner. No offer of a wash (ewwwww), no food, no drink, nothing for either of us. And, no, not short-staffed. 6 nurses/midwives standing around the nurses' desk chatting. Not what you need when you are tired, emotional and vulnerable. And they wouldn't let my mum visit - "partners only" (but they had sent him home to sleep without telling me!).

Winky,_The_House_Elf

Wow! There really is lots of great advice here!

Thank you all so much, it really helps, so keep it coming!

Winky x

casperlarue

My first born is 6 now, with his sister just 3 and a new baby is on the way in 8 weeks.......hand on heart I can remember going into labour with first son like it was this morning and now he's in year 2 at school!

Tiredness is the worst thing, like walking into a brick wall, sleep when you need to.

Forget housework, cooking, let everyone else sort that out.

Dummies are fine, so are snuggle blankets.

You cannot spoil a child by cuddling them and who doesn't like cuddles anyway!

Boob milk or bottle milk....the pressure in hospital to breatsfeed in enormous....those flipping posters everywhere! Do what suits you and don't feel guilty if you can't/don't want to breastfeed. DS1 was so hungry and I had nowhere near enough milk for him, he screamed and screamed and I was in flood of tears until my mum said "he's hungry, try him on a bottle" worked a treat.

Oh and you will still look pregnant for at least a week after baby is born, but who cares ..... you have done the best thing ever!

Good luck and best wishes for you and your baby x

**curlywurly**

Ooooooh I have thought of something else. Research all your birthing options in advance, and write a birth plan. But DO NOT beat yourself up about it if (WHEN) your birth doesn't go to plan. Go with the flow at the time, and don't be pressurised into doing something or not doing something. The only thing on my birth plan which went to plan was the instruction "please deliver baby onto my tummy immediately, and announce immediately whether it's a boy or a girl". Everything else went out of the window!

starnight_2

I agree with warning people you may not want visitors, ask them to phone first as you may be too tired that day to accept the visitors you said could come. I had so many visitors in one day I almost fainted, my mum sent me off for a hot bath! If baby isn't crawling hoovering can wait for a day, also if somene offers to do it, accept it!! You and your baby rest.

As someone else said don't feel guilty if you can't BF, sometimes it just doesn't work and there is no shame in that.

Take your time and so it when you and your child are ready, trust yourself and cuddle them as much as possible, they really do grow up fast. Which is why you need a camera handy, time for lots of snaps of baby growing up.

leeann79

ab7167 wrote: »

Babies can live perfectly happily in babygros. You know your own child better than the Health Visitor does. It's OK to tell people to make you a cup of tea when they visit rather than the other way round. A bit of dust never hurt anyone. Dummies are a godsend if you have a baby that wants to suck all the time (I have one that couldn't live without a dummy and one that was never interested). Sleep deprivation does hideous things to your state of mind, but it will get better.

Hope it goes well!

as above....I spent stupid amounts of money buying all these little outfits for when DD1 was born!! by the time she fitted into them the weather had changed! DD2 was in babygros a lot longer lol...

Also let them cry occasionaly sounds cruel but if you pick them up every cry you will make a rod for your own back.....most people with 2+ children will tell that child no 1 was always brought up different to baby 2.:D

SugarSpun

bylromarha wrote: »

I wish someone had told me to be more bolshy in the hospital in the hours after birth.

I wish someone had told my husband it was ok to be bolshy when he was being my advocate in labour, actually. We tried so hard to accommodate the midwife with the result that we were neglected because we wouldn't complain about it.

But this is excellent advice. Don't feel pressured by the midwives; they're there for your convenience, not you for theirs. They have a lot to do and they're busy - but their job is to help you during those first hours.

sassyblue

bylromarha wrote: »

I wish someone had told me to be more bolshy in the hospital in the hours after birth.

I didn't want to trouble the midwives as I could see they were busy, but there were things I wanted to know and I felt I'd be intruding to ask. I was also woken up at midnight to ask if I wanted some medication to help me sleep.

I was then woken up at 5am to be told to wake my baby up to feed him. He'd chosen to sleep the birth off with a 15 hour nap, and waking him up to feed him was completely the wrong thing to do. He was too tired to feed, so keep drifting off whilst having a boob shoved in his mouth by an inexperienced mum "trying" to feed him. He didn't want it, midwife was little help, covering my boob in formula to "encourage" him. I got emotional as I began to worry something was wrong. I finally had the balls to say, please can we leave it for a bit.

I put him back in the cot fast asleep at 6am, I lay awake worrying he was starving, he stayed sleeping. He woke up at 10am and took to the boob immediately as he was finally hungry.

2nd time round, I was as vocal as needed. I was told to wake my daughter up to feed her after she'd been asleep for 12 hours post birth. I told the midwife I'm sure my daughter would wake up when she was hungry. Sure enough, 16 hours after birth, she woke up and was happy to feed.

This is the complete opposite to what l was going to say... maybe l wasn't wrong after all....?

I wish someone had told me babies should be fed every 4 hours, my little one went every 6 hours from birth and ended up with jaundice on the 3rd day, l thought he'd popped out in his own little routine already but the nurses made me feel like carp, told me l was starving him

No-one gets a medal for pain in childbirth if it hurts too much ask for pain relief!

Don't be fussed with the housework, it'll be there next day too - concentrate on that little baby because he or she will grow soooo quickly and you can never get those days back (l did do this with mine but still miss those early days)

Only take in the bits of advice you feel comfortable with, ignore the rest

You are NOT going to enjoy every second of your baby, they are hard work and at times you'll feel 'resentful' and that you're going to lose your mind - but it will pass, nothing is forever.

(When you want to be in a routine) Keep heading towards it you'll get there eventually, before-baby everything could be done by midday, after-baby it gone done before bedtime - if l was lucky.

Do your pelvic floor exercises!! If you can't feel anything the next day when you try remember to make your way to the toilet at times for a wee - otherwise when you feel it's time to go you'll be peeing in your slippers already :cool:

Even when tired, snip, don't bite the top off a karvol capsule - they taste rank. :rotfl:

Good luck, you're about to embark on a truly magical experience - bloody hard work that'll have you on the edge of insanity at times but you wouldn't change a thing xx

threemuttleys

oooh...before you go into labour...treat yourself to Coupling Series 4....very funny, and will help you relax about the whole thing..I found myself giggling away to myself while in labour thinking about one episode in particular!

one thing I have found (and Alex is only 3 weeks on wednesday) is that the amount of advice (and so much is conflicting) is insane..I have had different midwives tell me different things/health visitor tell me others (yes to dummies/no to dummies, yes to infacol/gripe water/ or no to both)...so best advice? you are that babys mum and dad...trust your instincts...but at the same time, make a friend of your HV, she is there to support all of you.

oh, and learn to love your washing machine!

Peacocks are brill for sleepsuits, Asda baby gros are awful (Alex says so!)

clw1

You've had some brilliant advice so far. I'll second the person who said to be vocal about what you need from the midwives in the hospital - don't be afraid to ask for help esp if you are BF. (if you are worried about it think about how much Tax & Ni you pay towards the NHS !!)

I'd also say that 20-25% of births end up in a c-section so don't beat yourself up about it if your birth doesn't go exactly how you planned it - the main priority is a safe healthy baby.

If you want to BF then remember that it is tiring, hard to learn to do and often painful - this is all totally normal but within a couple of weeks you'll be a pro at it. Ask for help if needed from the NCT or your midwife. If you choose not to or can't BF then again no worries - do what is best for your family.

A sports cap water bottle is useful for your cold drinks as if you use a glass you always end up just too far from a table to put it down without disturbing the baby when it's in your arms. Likewise for hot drinks an insulated cup is good as otherwise you never get time to drink a whole cup of tea.

I also found that meeting other mums at babygroups was great for support - maybe identify a couple near you and go after the first month or so.

Good luck with your LO. :-)