What do you wish you had known with your first newborn?

**curlywurly**

Try not to set standards for yourself that you may not be able to achieve, eg

I won't have pain relief during labour
I won't leave my baby for 10 minutes
My baby will be breastfed
My child will only eat organic food
My child will only wear 100% cotton outfits
My child will never watch TV

(none of these are mine BTW!!) I have friends who have set themselves ridiculous targets/missions, only causing upset when they cannot achieve them.

Another thing which I don't think has been mentioned here - try to make time for yourself and your partner. Men can be a bit sensitive about being cast out of this whole process, and I don't blame them! I saw an interesting discussion on here a few weeks ago about who is most important - mum, dad or baby. My view is that it is mum. If you leave baby to cry for 10 minutes, it really doesn't matter. If you ignore yourself for weeks on end, you may end up getting depressed, alienate your OH, and in turn this will have a much greater effect on baby.

SugarSpun

donnaessex wrote: »

People are saying dont feel guilty if you cant breastfeed. I say dont feel guilty if you DO breastfeed! I had so many inappropriate comments on feeding my babies and I was always super discreet. My MIL was actually disgusted that I was still breastfeeding at 6 months. I didnt tell her that I carried on until well past their first birthdays!!!

I agree - I've fed my daughter in public from her first outing at eight days old and people have so often felt the need to comment. I recommend smiling politely and asking them if they'd prefer that the baby scream. Also, there's a section of the law that specifically excludes breastfeeding women from public indecency laws.

There's a series of useful links/phone numbers in the first/second post of the parents club

Wear clothes with patterns. It disguises the stains so you don't have to change every five minutes.

sir_monster

donteatthat wrote: »

Also, don't listen to anyone who tells you that nipple confusion exists and not to use bottles for 4 weeks - that's rubbish! All the babies I came across in hospital coped with bottles and breastfeeding with no problems at all and the nurses said they'd not come across it. The benefit of this being that if you do want to breastfeed you can get some catch up sleep by letting someone else feed the baby very handy when the baby wants to feed every 3-4 hours you quickly feel like a zombie if you are trying to do it all yourself. It helps Dad to bond too.
I wish I'd known just how noisy they are when they are sleeping too!

My little one is over 2 months and I def agree with the bottle thing we didn't plan on him taking the bottle but as he was early he needed top ups of formula from a few hours old (after bfing succesfully from a couple of hours old). We have continued to do this as it means my DH can do a late feed as I was getting just an hours sleep (at the most) in a block. If you can express milk then do so from as early as you can as I find I express more in the morning for an afternoon/evening feed when I tend to dry up (this also helps him go a bit longer in the night!)

Your DH can bond with baby (and give you a break for a little while) by doing the bath or nappy changes. Also taking them out for a drive/walk when they are unsettled or use anyone you trust that is nearby to take them out for a while to give you a break if they are unsettled.

Like some others have said sometimes you have to put them down even if they are crying to have a shower/grab some food or go to the toilet.

Re bfing one thing I will say is get yourself comfy before you begin, go to the loo if needed, get a drink, grab the remote as you may be there for some time. Also think where you will feed them at night as we had to move a chair upstairs as was doing me in feeding him in on the edge of the bed.

Is also true re noisy bubs, I wear ear plugs when sleeping with him as can be very noisy to settle himself and trust me I hear when he cries!

Re bfing in public I have done it front of all the inlaws now but is nice to know where there are nice facilities for it if you want to be discreet, John Lewis, Mamas and Papas both have good facilities.

Also please get out and meet other mums I go to the local childrens centre they have a few groups/classes for babies but is great to meet other mums who have been or are going through similar issues.

kitkat5566

Lots of great advice on here

I wish I would have known how upset my baby would get the 1st few nappy changes, I honestly thought I was hurting him but it turns out babies hate being cold, once he got used to it, and I got used to doing it more promptly he soon enjoyed nappy changes (think he just enjoys being naked!)

Clotheswise I would recommend clothes that are easy to put on, T still hates things being pulled over his head. He lives in vests and sleepsuits as they are so much more practicable than fancy outfits. I wish I would have got more clothes that were easier to put on, the amount of sleepsuits I have that go over his head rather than undo all down the front that I only use in desperate measures!

Also don't listen to your mother in law.. if she's anything like mine her advise is completely useless!!

But the main thing is to enjoy your baby mine is growing much too quick and the first couple of weeks I got myself into a right state, I am learning now to enjoy every minute, it can be tough when your baby is crying for no reason but they soon grow up and you will think where did the time go.

kate1979

Make sure your birth partner is clear on the most important parts of your birth plan. Whilst I don't expect many births go exactly the way we want, if there is something really important to you then make sure he/she can speak up on your behalf. When my son was born I really wanted a calm birth, and the first midwife we had was wonderful. However, there was a shift change 15 minutes before my son arrived, and a team of about 5 took over, all of them shouting at me to push. I requested that only one did the instructions, but this was ignored, and so I just gave up on asking. If my husband had been aware beforehand he would have requested firmly that I was listened to.

It didn't ruin the birth for me by any means, but this time it's in bold letters on my plan, and hubs has been repeatedly informed, that I only need to be told by one person! So make sure he know if anything is really important to you, especially if it's something like this, which you CAN control.

Other than that, when the baby's here, the only advice I can give is to try and relax, forget about housework, and enjoy lots of cuddles!

Guinea_2

I admit I haven't yet read all of the other posts but here are some of the things I wish I'd known:

1. Don't be sent home from the hospital on the day their maternity is put into special measures! A bath will NOT do! (I couldn't get out of the bath and then we had to call an ambulance...a waste of money!)
2. Health visitors offer suggestions and not gospel.
3. Take any offers of help from your Mum.
4. I breastfed for seven months but did not offer my milk in a bottle enough times so when it came to weaning he was having none of it with the bottle! Took a long time to wean him and find the right sippy cup.
5. Encourage your partner to know what the hoover and washing machine do!
6. Re. the above point....encourage your partner to know that black and white items do not go in the washing machine together.
7. Disconnect the door bell when you and baby are sleeping.
8. Although it is lovely, try and encourage baby to sleep on their own in their bed and not on you.
9. Don't pick up baby when you think his sleep is over as he may not then be having a deep sleep and turn into a cat napper....this is what I did and now my son only sleeps between 30/45 minutes for each nap.
10. A bit of dust doesn't matter!
11. If you breastfeed, during the first few weeks make sure you put in at least a couple of breast pads in your bra for each b**b overnight as I found myself leaking quite often!
12. ENJOY EVERY SECOND TOGETHER!

Loads more though!!

purplepardalis

This thread has been brilliant - thanks to the OP and everyone who has contributed. I am due to give birth in 3 weeks time!!

sambowrose

spray mist during labour, fantastic, best 3 quid ever spent. dont take any offence to the health visitor, mine was horrible, they read books, yet dont have children!!!. ask everyone to come round 3 days after, and dont worry, everything starting getting into a routine about 10 days in.
My little girl is 12 weeks and has always had trouble with constapation, we ended up giving her extra water which helped massivley, follow your instinct, it will come, and i cuddle my litttle girl all the time, and she is soooo good, every comments on how content she is, good luck with it all, oh and dont worry about the belly mine is hjust starting to get back to normal now!!

Amanda65

Don't know if it's been mentioned before but my top tip is baby nighties (for boys and girls) instead of babygros at night - they are so much easier than trying to get legs back in when doing night changes.

Also the first weeks I did totally what the baby wanted with regard to feeds, sleeps etc and they slept downstairs at night in a carrycot until we went to bed. Then at 8 weeks I introduced a bath, evening feed and nightie and then bed upstairs. If they woke for a feed I fed in the dark upstairs. The longest to go through the night was DD1 and she was 12 weeks (possibly lucky but I think it helped).

And make the most of those first few weeks and months. DD1 is now 19 and went to university in September and the time has gone by in the blink of an eye .........................

Lunar_Eclipse

I wish I had trusted my instincts and had more confidence in my ability to parent in the way that I wanted to.

Also, I wish I had known how quickly time flies. Everyone says it because it's so true. My eldest is still a child, at 10 years old, but I would give anything to turn the clock back; to start over and truly appreciate and savour every second of every minute.

Cherish it all.