What do you wish you had known with your first newborn?

warez22

Dont feel guilty if you dont instantly bond with your baby and feel the instant rush of love that people say happens.

It was a gradual thing for me, if I am honest, initially I resented this little thing that took up all of my time for no thanks. But that's OK, build up the relationship at your own pace.

Dont be afraid to ask for help.

Get yourself out for a walk, hopefully baby will sleep and you will relax.

Remember that both you and your baby are individuals and what works for others might not necessary work for you. Listen to advice but do what you feel is right.

If you feel it is all getting too much, dont be afraid to put your baby somewhere safe and just calm down in another room for a few minutes.

It seems like such a long time when you are in the first few months but it will pass and just try and get some enjoyment from them, the littlest things are the most magical.

It's not easy, but boy is it worth it.

Good luck x

heretolearn_2

I wish I'd known tht sometimes babies ust cry for no reason at all and not driven myself nuts and felt like a terrible mum because I couldn't stop him. If you've fed the babe, changed the bum, winded, rocked, checked not too hot/cold/uncomfortable position, well that's it. Just feels like crying!

Also there seemed to be a bit of an obsession in the medical world with having sex again before the 6 week check up, god knows why, so you can report if it all goes horribly wrong I suppose, but wish I'd not felt pressured into doing what was 'expected'.

LilacPixie

if someone says oh anything i can do, point them in the direction of the dishes/ironing pile/mop.

p-pincher

Agree 100% with agreetolearn

Sometimes babies just cry, as long as you've checked the obvious (nappy, feeding)etc try not to worry to much, to be honest after a while i just kinda learned to block it out.

When i got pregnant with my fist i remember someone telling me that you'll start to recognise what kind of cries your baby has, likea hungry cry, a tired cry, when they've got wind. And i thought they were mad, i thought a cry was a cry but after a while you do start to recognise each one.

Its so easy to wish this time away but enjoy it while you can, before you know it they'll be answering you back, stealing your clothes and staying
out too late.

izoomzoom

I did know this, but forgot it for about 5 days after my DS1 was born.

Babies build up wind, and you need to pat their back / rub their tummy's sometimes to help to move the wind.

Really simple, but I was probably tired and we just forgot.

Minxy76

That your mental health will wobble. I've been lucky enough to enjoy pretty robust mental health but those hormones will get you and the first few weeks (and maybe beyond) are such a rollercoaster you may think you're going mad.

You won't necessarily fall in love right away. I cared for my son, fed and changed him, but it was some weeks before I felt the 'rush of love' I'd been promised at birth.

Breastfeeding (if you're doing it) is hard. Even if you're doing it right, you will question yourself on whether baby is getting enough (generally they are) and if it should hurt so much (it often does while you're toughening up, even when the latch is right). Get your support people in place now, such as breastfeeding friends or local bf peer workers, as things can be notoriously difficult to pin down when you're in the thick of it. I know of lots of mums (myself included) who quit breastfeeding really early on when they could have, and wanted to, continue.

Mupette

Just remember you baby will do things in their own time, there is no race to how quickly they will do things.

I really hate mothers who think their baby is better because they were the first to [insert first action]

when guests turn up and they want to wash up, dust, hover, prepare diner, make you a cuppa ... please let them do it.
make a sign to go on your door, for when you don't want visitors, polity saying that mother and baby are napping please call back later.

bestpud

I don't want to be negative but I wish someone had warned me how awful it can feel if the birth goes 'wrong'!

I also wish I'd just talked to people and admitted how thoroughly overwhelmed and frightened I was about being left with this little being who I felt no connection to but loved at the same time.

It's not like that for everyone, thank goodness, but if it is for you, my advice is to talk it over with people and don't sweat the small stuff.

Don't hide away thinking you must be the worst mother who ever walked the earth because the reality is different from the preconceived ideas you had.

Try and relax, go with the flow, and accept it will all be a bit 'mad' for a
while but it passes. It won't all go to plan but that's fine - trust your instincts!

Make the most of nuzzling their soft little head too, especially just after they've had a bath! Newborn babies are little short of 'edible' when they're all happy, warm and snuggly! Make the most of those moments.

Lastly, don't waste your last days of freedom to just do nothing - sleep and chill while you can because you will yearn for the simple things in
life once your new arrival is here!

Best wishes to you and your new little family

SugarSpun

Enjoy these last few weeks.

Do some bulk cooking so you have microwaveable healthy food in the freezer.

Listen to all the advice people give you and then do whatever you feel is right.

Take advantage of visitors. I ended up five days after my C-section loading the washing machine and making tea for five people while my husband did something useful and my parents and brother sat around. This will not be happening again.

Your household stuff can wait.

If your baby cries inexplicably in the evenings, this is frustrating and annoying and a good sign. Crying is a release of stress for a baby and the stress of learning thousands of new things every day can get to them. Think of it as a noisy version of sitting down with a cup of tea and a film.

A dummy is not a Very Bad Thing.

If your baby is clingy a sling is a great idea.

Your baby will sleep if you're not sitting at the side of the crib watching. You could be sleeping too.

Don't focus on the indignity of your body after the birth, loose skin and bleeding and leaking milk and hormones - you just produced a baby and it takes time to return to the way it was before.

When your hair starts falling out after a few months that is normal, and although it looks like it's coming out in drifts and you'll be bald in no time that's just the hair you would have lost over the previous year had you not been pregnant. Don't worry about it, and if you stroke your finger up the back of your head regularly, when you start feeling stubble the worst is over.

Don't spend a fortune on the baby's first Christmas. A few handfuls of wrapping paper from your gifts and the mountains of stuff from other people keen to spoil will be loads and you have a lifetime of gifts to look forward to.

Good luck, best wishes for a speedy, safe and uneventful birth. And enjoy your baby xxx

Edit: if you have any questions please come and post in the Parenting Club. It moves fast so don't feel you have to keep up but please do. We like tiny babies and we like to help

babyboysmommy

My MIL told me before DS was born to ignore everything & just sit & cuddle my baby, nothing else was as important & they grow up so fast. She said everything else can wait or be done by someone else & make sure you accept all offers of help & ask for help as well, never do anything for visitors, they can find the coffee... That as long as you both get through the day fed & watered nothing else matters. Was by far the best advice I was given.