Money Moral Dilemma: Should I lose my holiday deposits?

MoneyMinz

From the friend's 'assurance' that she would still go "even if she met someone", suggests to me that she herself already knew that she has a history of flakiness (choosing new men over an old friend) which the OP perhaps benevolently 'forgot' in the name of friendship or for companionship on a holiday, but it doesn't excuse the friend's behaviour in the slightest. I personally, would feel obliged to repay the money lost because of me (but wouldn't have flaked on a promise in the first place)

The solid advice that I abide by is, 'Never a borrower nor a lender be', or don't lend anything you wouldn't be upset to receive back not in it's original condition or even to never see again.

BigMikeyG

She should pay you back, but I reckon she will try and find someway to wiggle out of it. If necessary demand she repay or lose your friendship, and see which she values more.

spacecowgirl37

What a flakey so-called friend! Not only just she blow you off for her new love interest by cancelling two trips away with you, she leaves you seriously out of pocket to boot, outrageous behaviour! I'd casually ask her when she plans to reimburse you for her half of the deposit (or all of it if you can't find anyone else to travel with/claim back from any travel insurance you'd bought/make alternative arrangements with the travel agent to travel alone or get some kind of credit note). If she makes any bones about it just tell her how hurt you are that she thinks nothing of stiffing a friend of 22 years for someone she's recently met, ruining your holiday plans and damaging your finances into the bargain. Tell her that you thought she valued your friendship, given the performance she put on to get your to book (and fork out for) the trips in the first place.

I'd seriously think twice about whether you want to keep her as a friend, she sounds awful!

Gillsx

your friend should pay you for the entire deposit including yours as its not your fault it was cancelled. Outrageous behavious - I would not call her a friend at all.

Topazmine

Should you lose your money? No.

Will you lose your money? Probably.

But I suspect that what you are really asking us is:

Should I lose my friend?

And the answer to that, sadly, is it seems you already have.

It's not just the money, although that's a large part of the problem. The serious issue here is that she clearly sees you as someone to fall back on when events don't go her way. She has no money for a holiday, so she asks you to book it for her. She has nobody better/more interesting to hang out with, so she asks you to go with her.

I've been here myself, and been burned. You might have known her for 22 years, but the truth is more likely that she's only ever seen you as a safety net. You need to walk away from her; not so that she can learn a lesson, but so that you can be free to spend your energy on people who are not only foul-weather friends. It'll hurt, but nowhere near as much as trying to hang on to a friendship that has passed it's use-by date.

Whatever you decide to do, my sympathies are with you, and you are completely justified in feeling hurt by her thoughtless words and actions.

Pellyman

On re-reading your dilemma it seems your 'friend' may have already repaid her share of the deposits, as you only ask about your deposits.

If that's the case then you don't really have to lose your deposits - you can still go on the holidays you've booked.

I'm a bit of a fatalist and it could just be this was meant to happen and, if you do go on your own, you may well enjoy it more than you would expect. You could even be on the threshold of a new long lasting friendship!

That's not to say your previous friend should be anything but ashamed of herself. You've been dealt a lousy hand but you might as well play it and try to go on holiday with a positive attitude if your travel agent can't come up with an alternative that allows you to, at least, use your deposit for something you would rather do on your own.

pennypinchUK

If she was the one who was doing all the pushing, then she should pay you the cost of the lost deposits. If she doesn't, she's not much of a friend.

Anyway, isn't it nice to know that you're now only her 2nd best friend, rather than her best friend before she hooked up with a new partner. Sounds like you need to drop her and find a new, more reliable friend.

Cally26HW

No of course you shouldn't lose either of your deposits and if she were any kind of a friend you wouldn't even be having to ask this question, she would have already given you ALL the money back.

Unfortunately a very similiar thing happened to me but in this case my ex-friend had paid me the deposit for our villa and then cancelled when she met her new bloke. I went on the holiday without her and she then had the cheek to ask me to give her her deposit back and when I refused, she took me to court!

cuba2008

Sorry, but this person is certainly not your friend. As others have mentioned, it does appear that she only turns to you when there's no-one else around.

A real friend would never treat you this way. I would definitely tell her she should be paying me back if I were in the same situation. Whether or not she does is immaterial as the fact that it's obviously eating away at you should tell you there's no choice but to bring the subject up. As I said, if she won't pay up, it is fairly immaterial as she isn't a friend is she? The fact that you have known each other so long unfortunately doesn't count for much - I suspect you have actually outgrown each other.

Maybe she thinks you'll cave if she keeps quiet. Personally, I wouldn't be able to as I don't believe in letting others treat me like a doormat. Whatever happens, you sound as if you are a very kind person. There aren't many people who would have paid up in the first place.

Fujiko

Sadly, I think you have probably lost your money and your friend. Even if she does eventually pay up could you ever trust her again? As one of a generation brought up with the mantra "If you can't afford it you can't have it" (the happy days before easy credit and "live now pay later!") I wonder when you expected her to actually pay you? Has she got form, because if so you were very silly to go along with this arrangement, however kind you thought you were being. I feel you will be very lucky if you get any payment but if you don't then make it absolutely clear that the friendship is over and even if you do salvage something I would make it clear that things can never be the same again. Hard-hearted - perhaps, but life is too short to waste it on people who can let you down so badly.