Same here. I do my best to try to keep the household bills down, saving a small bit here and there, trying to make economical meals etc. Yet he is drinking many many times the amount I might save. It seems so pointless and it makes me very cross. We are not a team. I feel I am battling alone and against the odds.
would it help if say the two of you sat down and did a monthly budget ? you could talk about the food bill .... use that as the excuse to have the "meeting" say honey i need help with the food bill or something and sit down and go through how much it costs to feed you all in a month ... then whilst your talking say ... so how much do you want for your drink? let him see how much he is spending... so that he is seeing that he is spending more on drink for just him then you are for you all maybe just maybe it might give him something to think about atleast .... but do it in a non confrontational way (i know that can be really hard) ..
with my hubby i let him choose the amount he thought he needed after making sure all the bills were paid and that he knew they all had to be paid ... and when the money came in i gave him his amount and when he drank it all away and wanted more i sat him back down with the figures and said ... yeah no problem lets find you some more ... what should we go without so that you can have your drink ? and point out something that will have a serious impact on the family ... maybe petrol ... so no car ... or maybe the sky subscription (his sports) ....give him a choice of what he thinks the family should do without so that he can have a drink ... again i did this in a nonconfrontational way ... in fact i did this in a totally i am useless and cant control the finances so i really really need your help here kinda way... so that it made him feel good and needed that he was helping me and so that i was appearing submissive almost (anyone that knows me knows i am anything but .... much more the opposite)
when i did this i also made sure that i had every single penny accounted for ... every penny so that he couldnt then turn round and say something like your just hiding money or wasting money etc etc ... he knew where every single penny went ... including his drinking
ele, its great! see how many people are reading it and some very brave souls have posted their side of the story.. definitely a useful thread!
Highest Debt £581,000 Nov 08 and now owe nothing! yes really! I have learnt my lesson the hard way! :heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar! Long haulers supporters DFW #223
would it help if say the two of you sat down and did a monthly budget ?
Elantan, I'll get back to you properly on this tomorrow. I spend half my life preparing budgets and lists of expenditure etc. He throws his eyes up to heaven when he sees me coming with an Excel printout. Like I said before, I am left to manage the burden of not-enough-money entirely on my own.
well yesterday was a complete right off... OH went out to pub at noon and i collected him at 5pm, he staggered out of car only to go straight to bed and slept 15 hours straight in his clothes... (((
Highest Debt £581,000 Nov 08 and now owe nothing! yes really! I have learnt my lesson the hard way! :heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar! Long haulers supporters DFW #223
well yesterday was a complete right off... OH went out to pub at noon and i collected him at 5pm, he staggered out of car only to go straight to bed and slept 15 hours straight in his clothes... (((
It's such a waste of a day, as well as thoroughly depressing for those who have to witness it.
I always think that about OH's Sundays. He'd be better off (in so many ways) just spending the whole day in bed.
Highest Debt £581,000 Nov 08 and now owe nothing! yes really! I have learnt my lesson the hard way! :heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar! Long haulers supporters DFW #223
I have a confession to make, I had read this thread when it began and some of your posts and experiences hit very close to home, a bit too close. I set up a new account & joined with a new user name in the hope I'd eventually be brave enough & honest enough to post without being ID'd by my regular username. Although I'm unknown to you all, I think fear of being recognised by my OH or others in my real life still made me stay silent.
I have been in contact with elantan via PM messages though and have been moved to tears by the supportive messages from her. Thanks honey.
Elantan has been in touch today via PM and asked if I would relay a message to you guys and after all the support she's given me, it's the least I can do.
message...sorry for not being around lately, slowly coming out of hell but will return as soon as I'm able.
I know many of you support El, either here or on her diary and will be sad to hear that she is having a difficult time and would want to wish her the strength to get through things, as do I.
My love to you honey, you're so much stronger than you realise, for the strength you give me and for the support, I'm so grateful to you.
I know many of you support El, either here or on her diary and will be sad to hear that she is having a difficult time and would want to wish her the strength to get through things, as do I.
Elantan, I wish you much love and strength. Hope everything is sorted out for you soon. Thanks for the support you show everybody on here. :grouphug:
Replies
would it help if say the two of you sat down and did a monthly budget ? you could talk about the food bill .... use that as the excuse to have the "meeting" say honey i need help with the food bill or something and sit down and go through how much it costs to feed you all in a month ... then whilst your talking say ... so how much do you want for your drink? let him see how much he is spending... so that he is seeing that he is spending more on drink for just him then you are for you all maybe just maybe it might give him something to think about atleast .... but do it in a non confrontational way (i know that can be really hard) ..
with my hubby i let him choose the amount he thought he needed after making sure all the bills were paid and that he knew they all had to be paid ... and when the money came in i gave him his amount and when he drank it all away and wanted more i sat him back down with the figures and said ... yeah no problem lets find you some more ... what should we go without so that you can have your drink ? and point out something that will have a serious impact on the family ... maybe petrol ... so no car ... or maybe the sky subscription (his sports) ....give him a choice of what he thinks the family should do without so that he can have a drink ... again i did this in a nonconfrontational way ... in fact i did this in a totally i am useless and cant control the finances so i really really need your help here kinda way... so that it made him feel good and needed that he was helping me and so that i was appearing submissive almost (anyone that knows me knows i am anything but .... much more the opposite)
when i did this i also made sure that i had every single penny accounted for ... every penny so that he couldnt then turn round and say something like your just hiding money or wasting money etc etc ... he knew where every single penny went ... including his drinking
:heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar!
Long haulers supporters DFW #223
Elantan, I'll get back to you properly on this tomorrow. I spend half my life preparing budgets and lists of expenditure etc. He throws his eyes up to heaven when he sees me coming with an Excel printout. Like I said before, I am left to manage the burden of not-enough-money entirely on my own.
More detailed answer to follow .....
well yesterday was a complete right off... OH went out to pub at noon and i collected him at 5pm, he staggered out of car only to go straight to bed and slept 15 hours straight in his clothes...
:heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar!
Long haulers supporters DFW #223
It's such a waste of a day, as well as thoroughly depressing for those who have to witness it.
I always think that about OH's Sundays. He'd be better off (in so many ways) just spending the whole day in bed.
:heart2:Ebay Challenge 2011 - Still supporting from afar!
Long haulers supporters DFW #223
I have a confession to make, I had read this thread when it began and some of your posts and experiences hit very close to home, a bit too close. I set up a new account & joined with a new user name in the hope I'd eventually be brave enough & honest enough to post without being ID'd by my regular username. Although I'm unknown to you all, I think fear of being recognised by my OH or others in my real life still made me stay silent.
I have been in contact with elantan via PM messages though and have been moved to tears by the supportive messages from her. Thanks honey.
Elantan has been in touch today via PM and asked if I would relay a message to you guys and after all the support she's given me, it's the least I can do.
message...sorry for not being around lately, slowly coming out of hell but will return as soon as I'm able.
I know many of you support El, either here or on her diary and will be sad to hear that she is having a difficult time and would want to wish her the strength to get through things, as do I.
My love to you honey, you're so much stronger than you realise, for the strength you give me and for the support, I'm so grateful to you.
Here for you too!
take care & talk soon.
X
Elantan, I wish you much love and strength. Hope everything is sorted out for you soon. Thanks for the support you show everybody on here. :grouphug: